Do I Hear the Pitter Patter Of Tiny Wednesday One-Liners?

Sassy lady on cell: I tell you, he got the wrong bitch pregnant!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Stunned!

Girl: Ugh, pregnancy would be like, so much worse than gonorrhea.

–John Jay Dining Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: jane

AT&T employee: Yeah, when I had my daughter I actually didn't have to stay overnight in the hospital. See, usually, after you have the baby, you have to pass the placenta. The doctor actually reached up inside me and just pulled it out, just like that. He told me I was fine to go home after that, so I did.

–AT&T Store, Union Square

20-something on cell: But I refused to go down on him…I told him I'm not ready to have a baby. (pause) Of course you can get pregnant by swallowing! Hello? Did you not take sex-ed in high school?

–61st St & Lexington Ave

Woman on cell: It's such a small opening, and it gets torn apart when you have a kid!

–42nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Weekender

20-something on cell: But I'm tired of always being pregnant.

–East Village

Overheard by: also tired

Posted on March 29, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Girls, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, School and studying, Sex, STDs, Store, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

She Never Had a…. Wait a Minute!

High school girl #1: My family is full of sluts. My sister just had a baby, my cousin just had a baby, my other sister just had a baby…
High school girl #2: So your mom’s a slut, also?
High school girl #1: Naw, my mom ain’t a slut.

–L train

Posted on March 26, 2015
Babies, Family Ties, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Parents, Promiscuity, Students

Explains Why You Put International Postage on Everything Outside Of Manhattan

Secretary: What are you doing for Thanksgiving?
Nurse: My husband and I are going to North Carolina to visit his family. Why? What are you doing? Do you want to come with us?
Secretary: No. I can't. I don't have a passport.
Nurse: Uh.

–NYU Cancer Center

Overheard by: Destiny Traphofner

Posted on March 23, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Clerks, Family Ties, Global Geography, Holidays, Hospitals, Nurses, NYU, Questions, Stupidity, Travel, Wishes & desires

My Shrink Disagrees.

Guy #1: So let me get this straight, you were in the car with your mom and your sister and you were put in a sexy mood?
Guy #2: Yes.
Guy #1: Don't you think that's weird?!
Guy #2: No, I don't think they were responsible for the sexy mood.

–The Strand

Overheard by: Sara Swank

Posted on March 23, 2015
Family Ties, Guys, Horny, Questions, Store, The Village, Weirdness

Grandma’s Fresh-Baked Wednesday One-Liners

Little girl to people waiting to board plane: You want a grandma? We have hundreds of grandmas here.

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: detective olivia benson

Grandma, about child running with others: He runs faster than… than a little shit.

–Alice in Wonderland Statue, Central Park

Mom to kid: Do you know that purse I stole from Grandma? Hide it. She’s coming over.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jeff

Grandma: If I was 50, boy, I’d be nifty. [Granddaughter stares blankly.] Yeah, if I was 50, I’d wear a leather bustiere.

–C train

Woman on payphone: I don’t care if Johnny was fucking his cousin, that don’t give you the right to steal your grandma’s credit cards!

–125th & Lex

Posted on March 19, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Family Ties, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Matt Dillon Just Popped a Champagne Cork into His Eye

Woman: I can’t tell Matt Dillon and his brother apart.
Man: I know! I thought it was Matt Dillon on Entourage.
Woman: It is Matt Dillon on Entourage.
Man: No, it’s his brother!
Woman: Nooo, it’s Matt Dillon…
Man: Wait, is it?

–1 train, 14th St

Overheard by:

Posted on March 18, 2015
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Default, Family Ties, Guys, Movies, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Women

And Like to Listen to Nirvana

Woman #1: Were your parents Buddhists?
Woman #2: No, they just went through some rough times.

–Forest Park, Queens

Posted on March 17, 2015
Buddha, Family Ties, Queens, Questions, Weirdness, Women

Because My Son Plays with Barbies, and He’s Certainly Not Gay

Woman #1: Well, I have a nephew who’s still 10 and enjoys playing with Barbies and likes to cook. Who knows? Maybe he’ll turn out to be gay.
Woman #2: Wait, are most cooks gay? I don’t think so…

–Near United Nations

Overheard by: Brooklyn Dodgy

Posted on March 16, 2015
Buildings, Family Ties, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Pop Culture

Well, She Didn’t Have Any Complaints

Drunk Hispanic teen: How do I get to Times Square?
Older white lady: I am not sure… Maybe two stops. [Teen whispers to her.] Good Lord, no! I am old enough to be your mother!

–F train, 57th St

Posted on March 16, 2015
Age/Aging, Creepsters, Default, Drunks, Family Ties, Latinos, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex & Relationships, Teens, White People, Women

Family Ties