Family Ties

Wednesday One-Liners Can't Do Much About the Adam's Apple

Brooklyn grandmother to another: My grandson is so different now that he's become a woman.

–4 Train

Middle aged man in binoculars on cell: Yeah! And just like that she threw me out! She kicked me out on my ass! She walked in and I was in her bra… and that was it!

–87th & Columbus Ave

Overheard by: GoneWithThe

Small black guy: Of course I'm a transvestite! Why else do you think it took you three guys to beat me up?

–W 36th St

Overheard by: Ellen

Twink to others: Sometimes you think a little boy is a child and then he turns out to be a much older woman.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Urch

Attractive blonde: And then the… transvestite beauty queen thing happened. You know?

–Middagh & Henry

Overheard by: Matty

And Her Sisters, While You’re at It

Black guy #1: No son, you’re cousins by marriage. It’s not blood, so it’s like you not even related. That shit doesnt count, son.
Black guy #2: Oh, for reals? So I can fuck with her and shit?

–F train

Overheard by: pearlywhirly

Sing in Hebrew, Sweetie.

Loud Jewish grandmother: Nobody ever wants to come here to celebrate the holidays.
Louder Jewish son: What are you talking about, ma? We're all here!
(family sits in silence around table)
11-year-old granddaughter, softly singing: When you wish upon a star… Makes no difference who you are.

–Queens

Overheard by: S

…Wanna Get a Hotel Room After This?

Smashed male Yankees fan: Yeah, I am married. So what's the problem with your life?
Equally hammered female Yankees fan: I don't swallow, and I have two twenty-year-old twin boys.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Jabroni

…Or Your New Will

Father: You know I like ketchup on my hot dog.
Daughter: I do.
Father: Then why didn't you get me ketchup on my hot dog?
Daughter: Because I don't care for you.

–Metro-North Rail

Overheard by: Jess

Yes.

Loud mother: So that's what this is about? Really?
Unhappy young son: (looks down, says nothing)
Loud mother: Really? That's what this is all about? An orange drink! This is all because of an orange drink?
Unhappy son: (looks down, says something barely audible)
Loud mother: I'm overreacting? You think I'm the one who is overreacting??

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: tycho anomaly

Who Is Prima Ballerinia in the Chunkiest 'Swan Lake' in History

Old Russian man (loudly): I like big tutus!
Bank teller: Yes, okay.
Old Russian man: Like my wife!

–Apple Bank, 86th St

Overheard by: hatia

But Aunt Beth Has the Best Jugs

Frat boy #1: Dude! Your sister is hot!
Frat boy #2: I know, dude…so is my mom.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Bone Cermark

Wednesday White-Liners

Girl on cell: You raised me around drug addicts, and now they’re the only people I like… I don’t do drugs, I’m just drawn to the addicts!

–28th & Park

Guy: If you rub the gerbil in Vaseline and then dip it in cocaine, it just slips right up there.

–The Village

Chick: That’s what happens when you sniff baking powder — anyone would be shaking…

–LIRR

Overheard by: tanechka

Girl on cell: I know! I really need to stop calling my mom when I’m on coke.

–Waverly & Broadway

Overheard by: Spends 40K To Hear This Shit

Security guard to another: Just keep your eyes peeled, man… That’s the third crack pipe we’ve had in here in two years.

–ABC Carpet & Home store, 18th & Broadway

Overheard by: Shadey

Chick: Well, I was supposed to be a part-time barista, but I was actually a full-time coke-head.

–Sullivan St, Soho

Man to entire train: It’s hard to tolerate you, because you would have been nothing but a drug dealer in the ’80s!

–6 train

Overheard by: xan

…Wanna See Some Adorable Snapshots?

Male cop: My brother got taken in for rape this morning. To jail.
Female cop: Yeah, one of my kids was arrested last week.
(both laugh)

–42nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Lynne

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