Wednesday Bloodliners

Girl to guy: And then he cheated on me with his male and female cousin.

–9th & 21st, Chelsea

Guy on phone: You should tell him next time he should keep his dick in his sister.

–72nd & Central Park West

Guido, getting his hair cut, in a thick Staten Island accent: Show me where it says in the Holy Bible that you can't bang your stepsister.

–Staten Island Barber Shop

Overheard by: Snewsboy

Dude on cell: Bitch, I don't care how much you give me, your ass just ain't worth it. (pause) Plus, I can just get it for free from my sister.

–Coffee Shop, Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: really hope he didn't mean what i thought…

Girl to mother, after game: I'd rather go down on my sister than take the d train to Times Square right now.

–Old Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: datura0001

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Barbershop, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Family Ties, Free stuff!, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Incest, Infidelity, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Staten Island, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yankee Stadium

Because You Steal Kids from Orphanages?

Jewish girl: That reminds me of this old Jewish story. Like, there was this queen with seven sons and she had to decide which one would be king, so she told all of them to go bring her a great treasure and they all came back with like gold and jewels but then the youngest one came back with this little orphan girl and he's like “Oh, she just needs love,” so the mom is like, “yes, you shall be king!”
(entire class is silent)
Random guy: Wait…what?
Jewish boy: This is why we're oppressed.

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on January 23, 2009
Family Ties, Guys, Jews, Judaism, Love, Stuyvesant, Weirdness

Explains Why I Saw You Cleaning Your Windshield with Her Hair

(guy brings in daughter to work and introduces her to everyone except one woman)
Left out coworker: You brought your daughter in here and introduced her to everyone but me?
Guy: Yeah, so?
Left-out coworker: That's messed up and immature.
Guy: How so? She's my daughter and I do whatever I want with her.

–52nd & 7th

Posted on January 22, 2009
Assholes, Coworkers, Dads, Family Ties, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Stupidity

Bacon!

Little girl #1 (shocked): I didn't know your dad smokes!
Little girl #2 (rolling her eyes sighing loudly): Not cigarettes.

–Church & Chambers

Posted on January 22, 2009
Family Ties, Kids, Smoking, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weed

Nature: 2 Nurture: 0

Mother: We're getting off now if you can't behave.
Boy (screaming uncontrollably at other boy): I want Jessie! I want Jessie! I want Jessie! Jesssssssssie!

–M79 Bus

Overheard by: whothehellisjessie

Posted on January 15, 2009
Family Ties, Kids, Moms, On the Bus, Should've Used a Condom

Me, Too!

Three-year-old, greeting grandma in Starbucks: Grandma! Grandma! Hey grandma, are you wearing your special underpants? Are you wearing your special underpants, grandma?
Grandma (laughing): Yes, yes.

–Brooklyn Heights Starbucks

Posted on January 11, 2009
Brooklyn, Clothing, Families, Family Ties, Kids, Questions, Starbucks, Weirdness

Is That Why You and Mommy Have Handcuffs?

Father to child standing in shopping cart: Suzie, sit down in the cart, standing isn't safe and it breaks the rules.
Suzie: No!
Father, heading towards checkout and spotting police officer fiddling with handcuffs: You see that policeman? If you don't sit down he's going to take you to jail. Oh look, he's taking out his handcuffs and he's going to arrest you now. (Suzie sits immediately)

–Kmart, Astor Place

Posted on January 9, 2009
Cops, Crime and Punishment, Dads, Family Ties, Kids, Prison, Should've Used a Condom, Store, Union Square and East Village

Mom Refuses to Accept New York on Its Own Terms

Excited young girl pointing at subway sign: That says “subway”!
Mother, dismissively: No, it doesn't.

–Union Square

Posted on January 9, 2009
Family Ties, Girls, Moms, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Words

Why, Grandmother, What Big Wednesday One-Liners You Have!

Dude to girl: Just yesterday I was smoking a joint and my grandma was all "that smells good, Johnny, that smells good."

–Hop Scotch Cafe

Overheard by: bildita

Girl: Speaking of back-door entry, my grandma sent me an e-mail the other day.

–A Train

Overheard by: naiad

Woman: He's just lucky I learned some tricks from his great grandma.

–Dekalb Ave & Ashland Place

Guy to girl: You look like one of them li'l ass frilly dolls my grandma have on her bed. Cute. (girl stares) What, I'm not gonna get a thank-you for that?

–Canal St.

Overheard by: The

Girl to friend: And so my grandmother was that mail order bride!

–Beauty Salon, East Village

Overheard by: moca