Weary mom with two kids: I'm afraid today is almost too much for mommy.
Toddler: Why?
Weary mom: Because we have to get Sylvia (motions to stroller) home before she falls asleep, and we're pushing our luck.
Toddler: We can do it.
Weary mom, sighing: I admire your spirit.
Toddler: What's “spirit”?
Weary mom: It means your attitude. Your confidence.
Toddler, with renewed energy: We can do it!
–Railway Station Platform
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Stroller mom admonishing toddler: Connor! Connor, stop that now. Connor, I'm going to count to three…in French. Un, deux, trois.
–Broadway & 93rd St
Father, teaching five-year-old son to urinate in the street: Okay, son, now you've gotta shake it.
–Fordham Road
Mom to seven-year-old daughter, on Yom Kippur: Only you could complicate a bagel purchase.
–Absolute Bagels, 108th & Broadway
Yuppie mommy to naughty child: Stop it! Stop acting up! Look, this is the reason people don't have kids.
–Starbucks
Woman to young sons: You see that boy in that other train over there? I'm gonna give him your present if you don't be quiet.
–6 Train
Father to three rowdy children: You guys are gonna need to calm down, this is gonna be a two hour ride and there is no bar car on this train. Which is unfair to daddies with 3 kids.
–Grand Central
Girl to guy: And then he cheated on me with his male and female cousin.
–9th & 21st, Chelsea
Guy on phone: You should tell him next time he should keep his dick in his sister.
–72nd & Central Park West
Guido, getting his hair cut, in a thick Staten Island accent: Show me where it says in the Holy Bible that you can't bang your stepsister.
–Staten Island Barber Shop
Overheard by: Snewsboy
Dude on cell: Bitch, I don't care how much you give me, your ass just ain't worth it. (pause) Plus, I can just get it for free from my sister.
–Coffee Shop, Hell's Kitchen
Overheard by: really hope he didn't mean what i thought…
Girl to mother, after game: I'd rather go down on my sister than take the d train to Times Square right now.
–Old Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: datura0001
Jewish girl: That reminds me of this old Jewish story. Like, there was this queen with seven sons and she had to decide which one would be king, so she told all of them to go bring her a great treasure and they all came back with like gold and jewels but then the youngest one came back with this little orphan girl and he's like “Oh, she just needs love,” so the mom is like, “yes, you shall be king!”
(entire class is silent)
Random guy: Wait…what?
Jewish boy: This is why we're oppressed.
–Stuyvesant High School
(guy brings in daughter to work and introduces her to everyone except one woman)
Left out coworker: You brought your daughter in here and introduced her to everyone but me?
Guy: Yeah, so?
Left-out coworker: That's messed up and immature.
Guy: How so? She's my daughter and I do whatever I want with her.
–52nd & 7th
Little girl #1 (shocked): I didn't know your dad smokes!
Little girl #2 (rolling her eyes sighing loudly): Not cigarettes.
–Church & Chambers
Mother: We're getting off now if you can't behave.
Boy (screaming uncontrollably at other boy): I want Jessie! I want Jessie! I want Jessie! Jesssssssssie!
–M79 Bus
Overheard by: whothehellisjessie
Three-year-old, greeting grandma in Starbucks: Grandma! Grandma! Hey grandma, are you wearing your special underpants? Are you wearing your special underpants, grandma?
Grandma (laughing): Yes, yes.
–Brooklyn Heights Starbucks
Father to child standing in shopping cart: Suzie, sit down in the cart, standing isn't safe and it breaks the rules.
Suzie: No!
Father, heading towards checkout and spotting police officer fiddling with handcuffs: You see that policeman? If you don't sit down he's going to take you to jail. Oh look, he's taking out his handcuffs and he's going to arrest you now. (Suzie sits immediately)
–Kmart, Astor Place
Excited young girl pointing at subway sign: That says “subway”!
Mother, dismissively: No, it doesn't.
–Union Square
