Teen girl holding up lacy thong to friend: Yo! Anita! Get dis one!
Friend: Nah. I already got those! Remember? I wore them for those pictures.
–Strawberry, Union Square
Teen girl holding up lacy thong to friend: Yo! Anita! Get dis one!
Friend: Nah. I already got those! Remember? I wore them for those pictures.
–Strawberry, Union Square
Hobo to 20-something guy: Who you votin' for?
Guy: I don't vote.
Hobo: You better fuckin' not.
Guy to friends: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
–Little Italy
(teenage girl goes to stand next to her friend in line for the bathroom)
Crazy hobo: Bitch, get to the back of the line! I gotta take a shit!
Teenage girl: Oh, I'm not in line, I'm just talking to my friend.
Crazy hobo: If you don't get outta line, I will take a shit on your chest. Do you want me to take a shit on your chest? Cause I will! (to teenage girl's friend) Oooh girl, you pretty. Why you hang out with cunts like these?
–Starbucks, 6th & Christopher
Older woman, enunciating precisely: I could never understand wanting to have a penis. I know *I* never wanted one.
–Hudson St
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Chick: Don't you feel better knowing your cock is better than fermented squid guts?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy to friend: And then it just popped out of the bag–you know, kind of like a penis pops out!
–Dunkin Donuts
Blond: But baby, the only thing that rhymes with penis is "mm mm good"!
–Restaurant, Brooklyn
Overheard by: what rhymes with vajay?
Little boy: (gibberish gibberish gibberish) Penis! (gibberish gibberish gibberish) Penis!
–Downtown N Train
Brunette NYU student: You know when like people in junior high ask you what you'd do if you had a penis for a day? I'd always say "piss in a soap dispenser."
–W 3rd b/w 6th & MacDougal
Overheard by: Alan
Girl: Imagine if you're fat? You would die.
–College of Staten Island
Overheard by: Nameless
Girl on cell: I just don't trust her, she's fat. Fat girls always cause problems.
–3rd Ave & 40th
Overheard by: Liz
Overweight teen girl to friend: It's like, I'm kind of hungry but like I don't feel like eating anything. (a minute later to cashier) I'll have three bacon cheeseburgers, large fries and a frosty.
–Wendy's, Union Square
Overheard by: I was starving and bought less
14-year-old girl to group of friends: I don't skinny dip, I chunky dunk.
–18th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Will
Senior ad exec to junior art designer: What the fuck doesn't this guy understand? The machine literally sucks fat out of your body! So we can't show a girl with a huge ass and huge thighs in the ad! Get it the fuck together!
–49th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: agree to agree
20-something girl: I think I look fat when I don't have armpit hair.
–Canal & Mott
Snooty middle-aged woman to gaggle of friends: I don't care about the rest of the city, I only care about my street.
–NoHo
Overheard by: me too
Middle-aged white guy to receptionist: I am glad to be out of the old neighborhood, though. Not that I am prejudiced, but the Hassidim, I just don't like them!
–Dentist Office, Carroll Gardens
Suit: I mean, he lives on 86th Street. That's just generic land!
–L Train
Girl (loudly to friends): No, that's Bushwick. We don't want to get off there! It's really shi… (glances around nervously at people who are now looking at her) I had…a shitty… experience in Bushwick.
–L Train
Overheard by: Rebecca
Hipster guy: And look out, cuz Williamsburg's still hood, dude!
–23rd St & 8th St
Overheard by: alex
Chunky lady to skinny friend who ordered a Diet Coke: Bitch, I will slap the shit out of you with this pizza…I'll eat it, too. I don't even care.
–14th St b/w 3rd & 4th Ave
Wasted guy, placing order: A slice of pizza on the rocks.
–1st Ave & 20th St
Overweight Paris Hilton wannabe, loudly on cell: No, the food wasn't like, out of this world, like what I'm used to. No…not really. I'd say more like a touch of Greece–with maybe Turkish or Egyptian. I mean, it's almost impossible to find a good slice of pizza in the city nowadays.
–Crowded LIRR Train
Overheard by: CV
little girl to parents: I like mine with salt, pepper and bone.
–La Rocca's Pizzaria, Staten Island
Overheard by: Dawn D.
Female suit to friends: Oh no, I can't. I save my pizza binge-eating for when I'm drunk.
–Ave of the Americas
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Tourist: Oooh, there's a really good pizza place down here somewhere, Sbarro.
–Basement, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: pop pop
Six-year-old to friends: We should have an Obama pizza party!
–Park Slope
Thug: Yo, man! What color are my nipples? What color are my nipples?!
–LaGuardia High School
Teen to friend: Calm yo black nipples! Calm yo black nipples!
–Union Square
Overheard by: hairy pink nipples
Girl to friends: The idea of some machine sucking on my nipples just terrifies me!
–Bathroom, NYU
Overheard by: Trying to pee in peace
Random girl: Yeah, I have like four nipples.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Nameless
Tall beautiful 30-year-old curvaceous brunette in stockings and pumps on cell: I was like: "you're preaching about non-violence and you're touching my nipple!"
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Janusz
Guy to friend: Dude, I'm working on a new house song right now. It's going to kick ass. It's called "Google It". It goes "Googleit, Googleit, Googleit…"
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Ian
Two guys: Ladies and gentlemen, we are not asking for any money, we just want to sing a little Linkin Park. (they proceed to jump around and sing Linkin Park)
–Uptown N Train
Overheard by: Hametuka
Hipster to friend: Flava Flav…yeah, he's like that skinny guy in Lord of the Rings…you know… "my precioussss…" Yeah… That's him…just a darker version.
–Subway, Brooklyn
Preteen: I won't beat my wife! I listen to Bob Marley!
–E 21st St b/w 1st & 2nd
Dude (matter-of-factly): Crazy northerners…don't quite understand that we're aware of how to speak English in the South. We just choose to say things cooler. That's why Southern rap sounds so much cooler.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: another misunderstood southerner
Middle aged tourist woman: Have you heard all of these Country Western songs about little girls recently? There's like four of them, and they're all really good too!
–Pinkberry, Bleecker b/w MacDougal & Sullivan
Overheard by: Jason
Black guy (spotting a friend): Hey man, what's up? You know you one ugly motherfucka? (laughs)
Black guy #2: Dude, youse the ugly nigga. You've been one ugly motherfucka for ten years.
Black guy #1: You've been an ugly motherfucka since you was born.
(time passes, they talk in their separate groups of friends. Black guy #1 gets off train)
Black guy #2's friend: Yo, your ugly nigga just left.
Black guy #2: He is one ugly mothafucka isn't he? (laughs).
–1 Train
