Friends

Ghetto guy on cell: And then he asked me if he was gonna go to heaven and I said, "You ain't going to heaven, you are going to thug mansion!"

–125th St & Amsterdam

Thugette to thug: I killed him because he was bothering me.

–Broadway & 20th St

Overheard by: Robert G

Pretty thug in white polo (very loudly): Yo, I need to get a scale to weigh some drugs.

–Ditmars & 25th, Astoria

Thug to friend: You can't pull off the lumberjack look. You ain't the fuckin Brawny man!

–Jamba Juice, Times Square

Big thug on cell (angrily): All I'm saying is you'd *better* get your master's degree, or else!

–40th & 8th

Overheard by: Ladle

Tourist, before getting into purse-filled van: Aw shit, what did I just say? I said I was not getting into any strange vans today.

–Canal & Lafayette

Pseudo-knowledgeable tourist: It's so strange that they have turnstiles that go both ways, you know, ones that let you go in and out in the same turnstile. Every other subway station I've been in in New York has ones for entering and different ones for exiting.

–5th Ave E Station

Overheard by: Colleen

French tourist (with American accent) to French friends: Stand clear of the closing doors, please. (French tourists bust up laughing)

–1 Train

Overheard by: kdub

30-something female tourist heading to subway: I prefer the Sex and the City version of New York.

–Union Square

Overheard by: E-Love

Old woman tourist: Geez, you'd think they'd be a little more optimistic at the United Nations.

–United Nations

Teenage British boy tourist to the rest of his family, as they pass a souvenir shop: Oh! This must be where Tim got that "I heart New York" shirt! (whole family excitedly goes into the store)

–Fulton St

19-year-old kid, examining stack of legal-sized paper with type on it in a stairwell corner area: It's art.
19-year-old friend: It's art?
19-year-old kid: I guess.

–Whitney Museum, Biennial Exhibit

Overheard by: Amanda

Black girl: And I told that nigga that one of these days he's better goddamn fuck me sober!
Friend: Damn straight!

–67th & Lexington

Overheard by: Oliver Woodhead

Girl wearing 3-D glasses: Dude, I wish I could go through life three beers deep and wearing these things.
Friend: Yeah, you'd make out with everyone.

–W Lounge, Fashion Week

Headline by: Karl

Runners-Up:
· “I Wear My 3-D Glasses at Night…” – Lisa K
· “It’d Be Like the Penis Is Coming Right at You!” – Joeritos
· “Megan’s Parents Would Come to Regret Taking Her to the Hannah Montana 3-D Movie” – Claire
· “So Basically Normal, But With Glasses” – Ross
· “The Bush Twins Can Finally Be Themselves” – Svenn Diagram

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Sleazy biker, taking a bottle from marathon relief table: My mother always told me I should be bottle-fed.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Uncomfortable volunteer

NYU student on cell, angrily: I was trying to show your mom a good time so I wouldn't have to stick my dick in her again!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: chris k.

Guido on cell: So you fucked the mother *and* the daughter?

–23rd & 3rd

Guy to girl: Anything over 50 is a super milf!

–Chelsea

Teen to friend: Cause I ain't no full-time mama. I'm a part-time mama.

–Church & Chambers

Middle aged hipster with ponytail and gray streaked goatee: I'm a soccer mom!

–Times Square

Man with four traffic cones slung over his shoulder: They took our fuckin' cones, man.
Friend: They what?
Man: I'm taking our fuckin' cones back. They stole our fuckin' cones.

–5th Ave & 13th St

20-something, with bun and cat glasses: I don't cry.
Grrrl friend: Me neither.
Cat glasses: Only when I'm like really angry or frustrated.
Grrrl friend: Yeah.
Cat glasses: I cry like twice a year. Christmas and birthdays.

–44th St & 8th Ave

Woman to friends: So he and his…what do you call an 80-year-old girlfriend? His main squeeze?
Man: His chick!

–Broadway & 102nd

Headline by: markle9

Runners-Up:
· “Ashton Just Calls Her Demi” – AL
· “His Barely Living Proof Of Gravity?” – Aditya
· “His Early Bird Special?” – Siobhan
· “His Old Lady? Nah, That’s Too Obvious” – BLS Martha
· “I Believe A-Rod Calls Her Madge” – Gross
· “The Cool Kids Would Say “GILF”” – KateNonymous

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Woman with baby to subway attendant: How do I get to the Empire Trade Center from Canal St?
Friend: Nah, how do we get to where them Twin Towers fell at?

–Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn