Everybody Needs a Wednesday One-Liner for a Pillow

Little kid: We're going to the city to get mommy titties!

–LIRR Train

Punk chick: This thing needs bazooms. I'm a punker chick with itty bitties.

–Midtown Office

Girl to female friend: Hey, did you know today is the three-year anniversary of my boobs?

–Union Square

Crazy lady trying to exchange a shirt: I can't go to work with my tits hanging out!

–Abercrombie & Fitch

Overheard by: me neither.

Chick on cell: In his defense, I forget about breasts, too.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Posted on November 5, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birthdays, Boob Job, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazies, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Physical appearance, Punks, Questions, Rack, Store, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

It's Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch!

Angry suit chick on phone: No, I am your second bitch, but I still love you!

–41st St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: That guy has his hands full

Cute activist girl, after extended conversation about Kwame Kilpatrick: I mean, you can't just kill a bitch and expect no one to notice!

–LaGuardia Airport

NYU sudent: She's like one of those fabulous bitches though, you know?

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Me too Honey

Guy on cell: A dog show, like where you pick up bitches!

–23rd Ave, Queens

Overheard by: Xavier

College student to friend: I really want to bump into him. Condescending comes across so much better in person. (pause) And I can't wait to be a sarcastic bitch!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Pola

Ex-con to group of friends: I don't mean shit to a bitch! (looks over at a terrified hipstergirl next to him. He takes off his hat) I mean. I have very little value to most ladies.

–C Train

Overheard by: Tim Roth

Posted on November 5, 2008
Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crime and Punishment, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Insults, LaGuardia Airport, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Promiscuity, Queens, Relationships, Street, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Hills Are Alive with the Sound of Wednesday One-Liners

Music theory professor, explaining classical idioms: The reason we use these techniques is because the great composers did–Mozart, Beethoven, Bach. They knew what they were doing. Bach knew that Mozart intuitively understood the music. When he reviewed Mozart's work, he was like, "that motherfucker!" (slight pause) Yeah, more or less.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Music Theorist

Girl to friends: Imagine this: Spice Girls concert, platform shoes, glitter all over my body…

–McCarren Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: do I have to?

20-something Whitey McWhiteface to friends: So do you think Lil Wayne tried to become a hipster or, like, it just happened?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Hopper

Guy to friend, while watching Radiohead: This is a great song to urinate to.

–Liberty State Park

Doctoral student on phone: I can't do my dissertation on the sex lives of great composers…I can't… No, it's just that the subject is too big… Ok, so 1950 to present.

–Manhattan School of Music

Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze

Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. And now for your entertainment… (taps on the microphone a pretty decent beat) I hope you all like my beats…I've been practicing!

–F Train

Overheard by: Groovin to the music

Posted on November 5, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Conductors, Ew, Jersey, Friends, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Makeup, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Pee, Questions, School, Sex, Students, Teachers/Professors, Time, Weirdness, Wiggers

Get Embarrassing Stains Out With Wednesday One-Liners!

Woman on cell: I didn't take a bath with your dog!

–Long Island Railway

Overheard by: Jeff

Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: bih.

Very loud crackhead to nobody in particular: Today is great day…I got my pussy washed and I got new crutches.

–14th St

Overheard by: Cuttie

Middle aged man to another: I miss seeing my wife do squats while cleaning the tub.

–Central Park Loop

Overheard by: Nick Kinling

Woman with awful red lipstick: I am too lazy to shower. Ooh! Did I tell you I discovered dry shampoo?

–Broadway & 112th

Overheard by: do us a favor and bathe

Teenage girl to another: I don't know what the fuck he's talking about…I wash my titties everyday with Lever2000.

–D Train

Overheard by: Derrick Walker

Posted on November 5, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Beauty, Bimbettes, Central Park, Clothing, Columbia University, Druggies, Family Ties, Friends, Hair, Happiness, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Long Island, Man's Best Friend, Men, Menstruation, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Rack, Sensory Experiences, Sports, Teens, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners?E I E I O

Cop to another: So she said, "see ya later, alligator." To which I retorted, "in a while, crocodile."

–Cunningham Park, Queens

Girl on cell: That was the day I woke up with the pigeon in my bed!

–Christopher St

Law school chick, stopping and staring at pigeon in her path: You go girl!

–East Village

Girl on intercom: Llama needed at the Oyster Bar ramp for a spill!

–Grand Central

Suit to friend: I mean, I don't understand. If people really want to pay like $30,000 to hunt them, I don't see what the problem is.

–Bronx Zoo

Curly grey-haired middle aged crafty lady: If you let them have sex with goats, they'll leave children alone!

–Crafts Fair, Red Hook Fairway

Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton

Posted on November 5, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Assholes, Astoria, Beastiality, Birds, Cops, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Suits, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, West Village, Women

…Yet Mysteriously Able to See Through Clothing.

Hobo to another: Ohh… Check that out! Hot white ass!
Girl in blue pants: Why are there so many drunken perverts in Central Park?
Friend (seriously): He's probably just color blind.

–Grand Central Station

Headline by: dwasifar

Runners-Up:
· “…Or, Knowing Your Ass, Just Plain Blind.” – EddieA
· “Because Let’s Be Honest, He Clearly Wasn’t Referring to That Wagon You’re Dragging.” – Wilkeson
· “Or It Could’ve Been the Ablino Donkey Behind You…” – Krikit
· “Smurfette Swore She’d Never Come Back to the City Again.” – 1310 (formerly SNA)
· “The White Pants…Always Keeping the Colored Pants Down” – California Dave

Click here to see the new Headline Contest