Friend #1: Can you believe that? I never heard from her again!
Friend #2: Well, at least you got to see her vagina.
–48th & 10th
Friend #1: Can you believe that? I never heard from her again!
Friend #2: Well, at least you got to see her vagina.
–48th & 10th
Douchebag, pointing to his iTunes: Look see, I listen to classical music too! I have “Greensleeves” by Mozart!
Friend: You spelled “Mozart” “Motzart.”
–8th & University
Young bodega rat on corner: Dude, she just told me to go fuck myself!
Bodega rat's friend: That's cause she gangsta–you not!
–Hamilton Heights, 137th & Broadway
Overheard by: Lo Fisch
Girl #1: Again? That’s twice this week.
Girl #2: Yeah, I really think I am a nymphomaniac.
–3rd Ave & 60th St
Tall girl: Louis XIV? They’re a bunch of rapists.
Short girl: So?
Tall girl: So you shouldn’t listen to the music of rapists!
Short girl: I like rapists! Rapists are the best!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: JB
Really loud guy: That guy is so her bitch!
Friend: How do you know?
Really loud guy: He's wearing plaid.
–Central Park
Old man at the bar: Everyday that I wake up and see that my name isn’t in the obituaries is a good day.
–Cafe des Artistes Bar
Older woman, to friend: Then we’re going to have to do the suntan lotion thing, and that’s going to be a nightmare.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: EthanK
Pre-teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there’s a lot of old people on this train. I bet they’re all wishing they were our age again. Suckers!
–N Train
Overheard by: Hannah
Old lady, to man playing steel drums as she dances along to the music: Shalom! That was awesome, my man!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Courtney Messer
Elderly woman to elderly friends: So then Andy comes down in his bikini, and of course all the old women go crazy…
–56th & 1st Ave
Old lady looking into fancy cafe: Another shithole!
–74th near Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Old lady: Geraldine, do you want to come up later and play… With my wireless router!
–Clark & Herny
Overheard by: Lacy
20-something: I didn't even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: mtrainetiquette
Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it's my half birthday in 10 days.
–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St
Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…
–34th St & 5th Ave
Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?
–45th & 8th
Drunk girl to hobo: It's my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!
–111 & Broadway
Cute blonde: So, I thought I might like him, and we went on some fun dates, but then he shaved his head and now I can’t go out with him.
Friend: Wait — what’s wrong with him shaving his head?
Cute blonde: Well, nothing in theory, but now he looks like a terrorist.
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: uptown girl
Headline by: Sarah K
Runners-Up:
· “…Or Ghandi, Whichever.” – Johnny
· “And He Wants Me to Call Him Britney in Bed” – Sim Etrias
· “And the Anthrax in His Apartment Is No Picnic Either” – Naked Lunch
· “Oh, Whew… I Thought You Said, “tourist”” – Rhadamanthus
· “Plus, I Wouldn’t Qualify As One Of His 72 Virgins” – MarioRPG
· “Racial Profiling Is So Hot Right Now” – Fran
High school-age Jersey girl: So I went on my ex-boyfriend's Facebook, since his birthday was last week. Only like 30 people wrote on his wall to wish him happy birthday.
Friend: Oh my god. What a loser!
–NJ Transit Terminal, Penn Station
Overheard by: Ashley
