Girl to her friend: Where are we?
Old man passing by: It only gets worse…
–4 Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn
Girl #1: I don’t know if my sister is a lesbian or not.
Girl #2: I thought she was.
Girl #1: Yeah, but the other day some guy was like, oh yeah, your sister dated Nick for a long time, and now all I know is that she’s dating someone who makes omelettes. Omelettes are manly, right?
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: djingo
Man on phone: Come down the road and I'm the first house that you do not see.
–Office Building, W 46th St
Overheard by: TheGreenCat
Black woman on cell: Don't fuck in ma house!
–Union Square Station
10-year-old boy to another: Yeah, my mom says I can fuck a girl in her house, as long as she ain't a skanky-ass ho.
–105th & Broadway
Overheard by: Andy
Girl to friend: We can't hang out at my house. I don't know anyone there anymore.
–125th & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
Guy cycling past very fast, to cycling companion: So he bought a whole house just to store pot?
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: peeper
City cop to two homeless guys: If your house is worth like $200,000, you can probably only get a equity loan for like $100,000. (homeless guys nod their heads in agreement)
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: E
Girl #1: His back was so hairy! His back hair was like thick curls!
Girl #2: Ew! Ew! Ugh, whatever. It’s a good thing he dumped you. At least you don’t have to deal with that.
Girl #1: Ah, yes, I was dumped by the yeti. Fuckin’ fantastic.
–Library, Columbia University
Guy #1: My relationship isn’t working out.
Guy #2: What’s wrong, dude?
Guy #1: Well, I woke up today and realized there was a vase sitting on the mantle.
Guy #2: What the hell does that have to do with it?
Guy #1: It has no purpose! It just sits there!
Guy #2: Um… I think that’s what vases usually do.
Guy #1: Exactly! That’s why I didn’t have any. They don’t do anything. They’re useless. There’s absolutely no reason to have one, and now all of a sudden, I do. [Desperately] What has happened to me?!
–Downtown bus stop
Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.
–45th & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Morgan
Mother, hissing to girl dancing exuberantly: You stop that! Stop it! Boys will try to sex you! Stop!
–6 Train Station
Girl on cell, yelling: He got soft inside me! That's, like, the worst insult ever!
–23rd & 9th
Girl on cell: Come over to the 7-Eleven anytime. I will fuck you!
–Washington Square West
Overheard by: David Fishkind
Brunching woman to friends: We lived in Buffalo! We could have had sex on the sidewalk, but it was four years before we were engaged!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Alexandra
Guy to friends: My goal in life is to get as many dicks in my ass as possible.
Random girl: Mine too!
–Canal St
Friend #1: I usually like nothing there.
Friend #2: I like to shave mine.
Friend #3: You shave? I pluck.
Friend #4: I just trim mine.
–Restaurant, Lower East Side
Overheard by: Missy
Guy: Did you know that Dan* was out sick? I heard he has the shits.
Girl: The shits? I don’t think he’s sick. It’s because of all those years of abusing his sphincter. He probably just can’t hold it anymore.
–Anna Maria’s Pizza, Bedford Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
30-something Latina: I wish I could beat my daughter like it was allowed when I was growing up.
Friend, nodding knowingly: Uh-huh.
–Gun Hill & Rochambeau
Overheard by: Gutterlush
