Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am One-Liners

Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.

–45th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Morgan

Mother, hissing to girl dancing exuberantly: You stop that! Stop it! Boys will try to sex you! Stop!

–6 Train Station

Girl on cell, yelling: He got soft inside me! That's, like, the worst insult ever!

–23rd & 9th

Girl on cell: Come over to the 7-Eleven anytime. I will fuck you!

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: David Fishkind

Brunching woman to friends: We lived in Buffalo! We could have had sex on the sidewalk, but it was four years before we were engaged!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alexandra

Posted on April 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dancing, Erections, Friends, Girls, Height, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Sex, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Time, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Anal Penetration: The Universal Language

Guy to friends: My goal in life is to get as many dicks in my ass as possible.
Random girl: Mine too!

–Canal St

Posted on April 1, 2015
Ass, Backdoor, Friends, Girls, Guys, Penis, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

It’s Hard to Get the Right Amount of Ice in Your Drink

Friend #1: I usually like nothing there.
Friend #2: I like to shave mine.
Friend #3: You shave? I pluck.
Friend #4: I just trim mine.

–Restaurant, Lower East Side

Overheard by: Missy

Posted on March 31, 2015
Body Parts, Friends, Hair, Lower East Side

This Is Your Sphincter. This Is Your Sphincter on Cock. Any Questions?

Guy: Did you know that Dan* was out sick? I heard he has the shits.
Girl: The shits? I don’t think he’s sick. It’s because of all those years of abusing his sphincter. He probably just can’t hold it anymore.

–Anna Maria’s Pizza, Bedford Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Posted on March 30, 2015
Asshole, Brooklyn, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Restaurants & Cafes

My Arm Muscles Are Totally Atrophying

30-something Latina: I wish I could beat my daughter like it was allowed when I was growing up.
Friend, nodding knowingly: Uh-huh.

–Gun Hill & Rochambeau

Overheard by: Gutterlush

Posted on March 29, 2015
Family Ties, Friends, Latinos, The Bronx, Violence, Wishes & desires

And No Way You’re Getting My Kickball in the Settlement

Nanny to boy blocking slide: Hi, are you going down the slide?
(kid shakes head)
Nanny: Well, can we get past you?
(kid shakes head)
Three-year-old friend: Sam, share.
(Sam shakes head)
Three-year-old friend: Sam, share or I will leave you.

–69th & West End

Posted on March 28, 2015
Boys, Default, Friends, Kids, Offers and requests, Questions, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Oh, the Bridget-Jones-Meets-Paris-Hilton Look

Girl to friend in a mini skirt with her legs open: Katie, close your legs!
Lethargic friend: I don’t care. I am wearing two pairs of tights and granny panties.

–Silver Center, NYU

Overheard by: AJ