Nanny #1: So, he is four years old and totally into Scooby Doo — games, toys, DVDs, vitamins, pajamas… He has everything.
Nanny #2: That is so cute.
Nanny #1: Not really. He always wants to be Daphne. And the worst part is that I always have to be Velma.
–A train
Overheard by: Jim
Teen punk girl: You know, I don't get why people wear uggs. They're all like, “oh, they're warm, they're warm! I don't care if they're warm, they are not attractive!
Teen hipster friend: Yeah, I know, right?
Teen punk girl: There's many things that are warm, but that are not attractive. North Face ski coats are warm, are they attractive? No. Fat people must be warm, are they attractive? Fuck no!
–110th & Amsterdam
Young teenage boy to friend: Man, I fuckin' hate this job. I'd make more money bein' a drug dealer or somethin'.
Hobo: I used to think the same way as you.
Young teenage boy's friend: So you became a drug dealer and ruined your life?
Hobo: No, I fuckin' went to college and ruined my life.
–1 Train
Guy to friend: She overdosed for the first time when she was, like, 14.
Friend: She told you that? (pause) Some first date…
–3rd Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: JG
Girl, to crowd of friends: Bye, you guys!
Friends: Bye!
Guy friend: Oh, and sorry about that whole “no Holocaust” thing. I was drunk… *really* drunk.
–Broadway & Waverly Place
Overheard by: Hunter
Tipsy, barefoot woman, lifting skirt in broad daylight: Gotta air out my coochie!
–W 88th St
Belligerent drunk woman: I've never even heard of these fucking stops! (later) Scarsdale! I don't even know how to spell "Scarsdale"! Other than…Scarsdale. (later) What the fuck is Hartsdale? Slap me across the face with a big dick!
–Metro-North Train
Drunk girl to friends sitting on a couch left on the sidewalk: Don't sit on that couch, it's probably covered in bodily urine!
–East Village
Overheard by: Herr Professor Doktor
Drunk wife to drunk husband during poker game: Don't you dare tell me about things that I don't understand!
–Poker Game, Astoria
Overheard by: NYCWATERBABY
Drunk girl: Bedford Avenue does not know how to find the clit!
–L Train
Mother to friend: If our kids would just smoke weed they'd be fine.
–Borough Hall, Brooklyn
Five-year-old child, walking past table of glass bongs and pipes: Daddy, I want one!
–Astor Place
Promoter for comedy club: Free bag of weed if you come to the 9:30 show!
–Times Square
Enthusiastic, loud girl on cell: Smoking pot? So you were smoking…you don't have to be so worried about people hearing what you're saying, nobody's even listening…seriously.
–27th & 7th
Overheard by: And she had to end up being in my class..
30-something lady: When she was just selling pot to Kevin Nealon, I think that was better.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Brainy
Girl on cell: Sorry I texted you when you were giving birth.
–27th St & Park Ave
20-something girl: I kept saying, "I emailed a text to him!"
–Pub, 59th & 3rd
Overheard by: Bluetoothed them a postcard
20-something girl correcting her friend's text message: No, you don't need an apostrophe there. It's "hos," plural, not "of or pertaining to a ho."
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: Lauren
Guy with suitcase on cell: I sent him a text asking if I could stay at his place, and he said sure. I find out today he was being sarcastic.
–116th & Broadway
Student: Okay, it's 3:20. I think it's an appropriate time to text Ben and tell him I had a sex dream about him.
–Sarah Lawrence College
Overheard by: Anna
Guy: …And I said, “Thanks”, and that I would rape the shit outta her later.
Girl: And I said, “Oh yay, I’m gonna have a little rape baby.”
Guy: And we would name her Janelle.
–45th & Broadway
Overheard by: Chad
Teen boy: I like touching fat people.
–69th St & 5th Ave, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Jon A.
Guy to friends: So I was on the subway the other day and I was counting some guys’ chins and I realized, I’m just not a nice person.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: CUMT
Large black woman on cell: Of course I’m loud, I’m fat!
–25th & 8th
Overheard by: Beckerman
Chick to guy: I’m thinking of keeping it, as an excuse to get fat.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ladle
30-something with heavy NYC accent: Ya know, if I had to do high school all over again, I woulda fucked a fat chick. I wouldna cared so much.
–34th & 5th
Man yelling on cell: I would be so much better at Jeopardy then her! Her fat Indian hands can’t hit the button as fast as I can!
–35rd St & 5th Ave
Female house manager: He comes over and he’s like: "What are you doing?" and I said: "My job." and he goes: "You’re fat."
–Theater, St Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Mariah
