A Fancy Feast of Wednesday One-Liners

60-year-old woman to friend, at Met opening gala: I'm not going to go to the opera this year. There are no fancy entrances.

–62nd & Amsterdam, Improvised Met Entrance

Overheard by: Melissa

Crazy man to group of young women: Hello ladies, are you having a nice night? (women ignore him) You could just say "yes." I'm not Jack the Ripper, I'm not the Boston Strangler…look at you, walking all fancy and shit!

–125th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Anna

Tourist girl: Y'all, Times Square is so fancy. They have a red lobster!

–Times Square

Hobo: Red lobster? What kind of fancy guy do you know? You're lucky if I can buy you a slice of pizza.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: hungry4biscuits

Crazy guy on subway: You have to hold onto your valuables, your Christmas presents, your fancy lingerie…because if you put them down, someone will take them. People are really fast around here. Men, women, transvestites…transvestites are really fond of fancy lingerie.

–Northbound R Train

Overheard by: ElizabethB

Posted on January 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Beauty, Clothing, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Food, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Murder, Pizza, Questions, Singing, Staten Island Ferry, Street, The Met, Thievery, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Trannies, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

I Think There's Something Wrong With My Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: You mean the labia? No, that's a vagina part.

–13th & Ave B

Overheard by: Caroline

Woman to friend, in line for bathroom: I'm taking that medication that makes it really dry, again.

–Ethel Barrymore Theater

Overheard by: Crumb Doughnut

Cornelius, crazy hobo: Yo' pussy looks betta' than yo' face!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Lily London & China Rose

Monotone suit on cell: That pussy better be ready by the time I get home.

–Houston & Broadway

Girl on cell waiting for Port Jefferson train: Okay, be serious for a second, how do you know if you're allergic to latex, though? Really, cause dead honest, it's a puffed mushroom right now. I don't know what to do. Should I go see someone, do you think Henry would notice? Really, what if I turn off the lights?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Chester

Posted on January 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Beauty, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Home, Sweet Home, Madison Square Garden, Medicine, On Cell, Parks, Penn Station, Questions, Sex, STDs, Street, Suits, The Village, Theater, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

…Having to Dye Your Hair Blond and Everything.

Random girl: Mr. Smith*, you should come see the play tonight. I'm playing a retard and a Barbie!
Teacher: That must be quite a stretch for you.

–Bard High School Early College

Posted on January 20, 2009
Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Offers and requests, Retardation, Teachers/Professors, Theater & Dance, Weirdness

…As It's Known in Scotland…

Girl: Excuse me, do you know if there's a Bed Bath & Beyond around here?
Confused doorman: Bloody bed and be what?

–47th & 2nd, Dag Hammerskjold Towers

Overheard by: Doug Stone

Posted on January 18, 2009
Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Questions, Shopping, Strangers, Weirdness

Open Up Those Thighs and Let Him In!

Tired commuter: I'm just gonna sit here…I'm too tired to stand.
(she squeezes in small space between two girls.)
Angry girl: You know, you shouldn't touch people's thighs!
Tired commuter: Ooooh, you need Jesus!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: …because that logically follows?

Posted on January 18, 2009
Anger Management, Body Parts, Girls, Jesus, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation

So Pretty Much the Same As the Semester

Girl #1: So how's your break going?
Girl #2: Oh, you know, I've been stumbling upon a lot.

–Mulberry St

Posted on January 18, 2009
Accidents, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Little Italy, Questions

It May or May Not Be the Key to Resolving the Energy Crisis

Ditzy blond fashion plate: So, I've called her like five times, and I feel kind of stupid, 'cuz it's just lip gloss, but it was like a $38 lip gloss, and I really want it back.
Ditzy brunette fashion plate: Everyone on the train is totally laughing at us.
Ditzy blond: Yeah, I mean it is just lip gloss. Really good lip gloss, though.
Ditzy brunette: Whatever, lip gloss is important!

–Commuter Train, Penn Station

Overheard by: afalpi

Posted on January 18, 2009
Girls, Laughter, Makeup, Money & Class, Penn Station, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway

But He Wrote It under the Pseudonym “Anne Frank”

Redhead: Do you keep a standard diary?
Brunette: No.
Redhead: You should. Winston Churchill did, and Winston Churchill won World War II.
Brunette: I think Hitler had a diary, too.

–Fort Greene Park

Overheard by: Lulu

Posted on January 18, 2009
Advice, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Hitler/Nazis, Parks

Crack Rats

Girl, pointing at hose lying on sidewalk: Daddy, is that to make the rats stop smoking?
Dad: Yes.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: MPW

Posted on January 17, 2009
Animals & Nature, Dads, Girls, Grand Central, Smoking, Weirdness

Which Was Saddam's First Mistake

Columbia girl, looking at cell phone: Oh shit, I have like five missed calls from State Department! Should I call them back? Is it too late now?
Columbia guy, bewildered: What? The State Department?
(girl's cell phone rings)
Columbia girl: Hi, daddy. Well, I realize that, but I just got them. Well, do you think it's too late to call back now? Okay, I'll call them ASAP.
Columbia guy: What did your dad say?
Columbia girl: He told me that when the State Department calls, you should probably answer.

–Le Monde, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: bored prof

Posted on January 17, 2009
Cell Phone, Girls, Government, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Students, Time

Girls