Hipster girl: You know, I’ll find out if you’re lying. Then I’ll kill you.
Hipster guy: Yeah, I’m sure you could, Magnum P.I.
Hipster girl: (blank stare)
Hipster guy: You know? Private investigator? In Hawaii? It was a TV show in the 80s? Tom Selleck?
Hipster girl: If you’re just going to keep referencing obscure things this conversation isn’t going to go anywhere.
–F Frain
Asian girl #1: Yeah, did you know that Hallmark just like, made up Valentine’s Day? Seriously, there really was no Saint Mark… I mean, Saint Nicholas.
Asian girl #2: Umm, Saint Nicholas was Christmas.
Asian girl #1: Well, whatever his name was. He’s really Hallmark.
–NYU
Overheard by: erin
Dumb hipster girl #1: That genius is so hot.
Dumb hipster girl #2: He gets more ass than a toilet seat. He has a lot of STDs. I read about him on williamsboard. There is like a 200 response thread about him and his STDs.
Dumb hipster girl #1: Well so do I.
Dumb hipster girl #2: What?
–Apple Store, 59th & 5th
Shy sounding suit: You know how you get your fingerprints off the gun? You pee on it, the prints wipe right off. Most people don’t know that.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Two Fingaz
Dude: You’re starting to sound like that guy with the gun on your dad’s video.
–Inwood
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Latina teenager to friend: I don’t know why we can’t be having duels anymore. Enough fighting! Just be, like: "Let’s have a duel!" and then go out and shoot each other!
–Rush Hour, L Train
Man on cell (waving his hand around in the shape of a gun): I’ve got a gun in my hand! Oh crap, I mean not a real one. I shouldn’t have said that out loud.
–32nd & 6th
Overheard by: sromeo
Self-important white girl: So then my friends started talking about the shooting up here, and I was like: "Screw you all, you didn’t even call up to find out if I was dead."
–126th & Lenox
Preaching hobo: This year they raise your rent. And the year after. Soon you have to shoot them. You know this.
–34th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Rent Controlled
Man: I understand remembering things differently. I just don’t understand how one could confuse being shot at with not being shot at.
–6th Ave & 3rd St, Park Slope
Girl to friend: That’s because my heart is filled with hate and yours is filled with kittens.
–Something Else, Park Slope
Overheard by: jayloo
White guy: Well, if Kate* was my soulmate I wouldn’t hate having sex with her so much.
–W 57th & 11th
Well-dressed man to self, after making meowing noises: I hate my ex, I hate that fucking bitch! I’m going to stick a tennis ball in her muffler!
–Bleecker & Broadway
Teen girl to friends: And she, like, gave me an 88%. I can’t fucking believe her! I can’t even hate her, right? If she’d just failed me like usual, I could hate her. But she gave me a freaking 88%.
–Astoria-Bound N Train
Overheard by: Ben
Sad 30-something: My boyfriend’s mother hates me. She hates me because I’m out of work … And I shoot up in her house.
–7th Ave & 9th street, Park Slope
Drunk angry girl on cell: Answer the damn phone, you bastard! Answer the phone! I hate you! I love you! Call me.
–Port Washington Train
Super-drunk girl to girlfriend: Let’s make out!
Not-so-drunk girl: (awkward laughter)
Super-drunk girl: (loud drunken laughter) Wanna make out?
Not-so-drunk girl: Not at all!
–1st Ave b/w 7th & 8th
Guy, to girl: …and when I told her it was an espresso she said she hadn’t ordered that. She said she had ordered coffee.
Guy and girl, at the same time: An espresso is coffee!
Guy: And then she said: “Can I get some milk for this?”
Girl: Oh my god, are you serious?
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Hannah
20-something girl: I thought you said this walk was only fifteen minutes?
Eastern European guy: This is a walk of shame! Walk of shaaaame.
20-something girl (looking sad): That isn’t what this is, is it?
–Dunkin Donuts, Nostrand and Lafayette
Overheard by: Kire
[Teenage girl spills water and it soaks guy’s pants.]Wet pants boy: My pants are wet!
Girl: Well, what did you expect from me?
Wet pants boy: Not to get my pants soaking wet, that’s what!
–Diner, Upper East Side
