Girl #1: You know that guy who always follows me around?
Girl #2: Yeah!
Girl #3: I wish I knew his name.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Could it be Mulva?
Girl #1: You know that guy who always follows me around?
Girl #2: Yeah!
Girl #3: I wish I knew his name.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Could it be Mulva?
Eccentric-looking older man: What are you?
20-something girl: Portuguese.
Eccentric-looking older man: Portuguese? They're good people. They mind their own business.
20-something girl: Yeah?
Eccentric-looking older man: Yeah, not like the Jews!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Christina
20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay.
–L Train
Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.
–NYC
Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!
–8th St & 5th Ave
Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work!
–Victorian Flatbush
Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?
–NYU
Hip 18-year-old daughter: Mom, stop laughing! I'm like the least funny person I've ever met.
Mom, laughing: No, you're so funny! You always have been! It's like you have an extra chromosome or something. (walks into an apartment and closes door behind her before her daughter and her friend can follow).
Girl's friend: So, you're retarded. You have an extra chromosome. You're fucking retarded.
–87th & East End
Overheard by: Sophie
High school girl: I don't understand what you're upset about.
Middle school boy: She hit me with a friggin' Harry Potter book!
–58th St & 4th Ave, Brooklyn
Tall girl: I think I saw his brother in the chorus of a show I saw for my job.
Short girl: Word.
Tall girl: Yeah.
Short girl: Yeah. There's four of them. And they're all beautiful. It's so not fair. I'm weird-looking and, according to my grandma, my brother looks like the love child of Jake Gyllenhaal and Sanjay Gupta.
Tall girl: And your parents are short Jews.
Short girl: I can't believe you remember that.
–Downtown 1 Train
Curly-haired girl: When I think back on all the prestigious internships I had… I really regret how awkward I was.
Friend: (nods vigorously)
–Union Square
Overheard by: Trist
Guy to friend: Yeah, Eric's an asshole, but he's like… my asshole.
–11th & Broadway
Overheard by: Z
Man on cell: I enjoy sucking the wind out of assholes.
–Brooklyn Public House
Overheard by: In fairness, the conversation was about verbal bullies
Girl: Wow, my asshole has just been all sorts of evil all day, I shat in four different bathrooms on this floor and the one up, so I wouldn't suffer alone. I shared its wrath. Is that wrong?
–Office, Midtown
Loud dude: My asshole is really fucking itchy!
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
Crazy hobo: Attention everyone! You're all assholes! Stupid assholes!!
–Park Row, near Brooklyn Bridge
Overheard by: Hollister
[Skinny girl takes box of equal out of her pocket and puts half the packages in her coffee.]Friend: What are you doing? You’re going to get cancer!
Equal girl: Yeah, but I won’t get fat.
–Starbucks
Brunette woman yelling on cell: Look, I'm 24 fucking years old. If I want to suck dick all day, that's my business!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Blank Slater
Girl on cell: First you go, "accckkk… accckkkk" (makes choking sounds) Then you have a mouth fulla cum!
–Madison Ave
Overheard by: I.R.
50-something woman, screaming into cell: Listen, asshole, I'm not some cheap slut you can call whenever you need someone to suck you off, I have a job!
–Penn Station Taxi Line
Black man in phone booth: You better suck that juicy white cock, and get me that perfume, bitch!
–7th Ave & 35th St
