Does It Burn When You Wednesday One-Liner?

Girl playing extreme edition of Would You Rather:Okay: would you rather Joe with a 75% chance of a non-treatable STD or Luke with a 12% chance of pregnancy?

–R Train

Asian girl during Rent intermission: Oh wait, so they all have AIDS? Is that why they're all taking pills all the time? I didn't understand that. But you can't die from AIDS, right? I mean, if you like lived in a bubble forever, you would never die from it, right?

–Nederlander Theater

Man, emphatically: Look, you don't even have to worry about HIV, just take 200 milligrams of Vitamin C.

–89th & Broadway

Hipster girl: Me and my STDs are like Angelina Jolie's kids… Gotta get one from every country!

–Broome St

Overheard by: Kate

Hipster to friend: Thank god AIDS wasn't in Africa yet when I was there, I wouldn't have fucked anybody.

–Classroom, NYU

Young woman on cell: Yeah, I know. (pause) So you don't mind if I have herpes, right?

–71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills, Queens

Overheard by: Tara

Posted on October 15, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Hipsters, Lower Manhattan, Medicine, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Questions, Sex, STDs, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

It's Pronounced “Canadia”

Son: It is cold, like Canada!
Mom: You've never been to Canada.
Daughter: Don't talk about Canada.

–Spanish Harlem

Overheard by: Jaina

Posted on October 10, 2008
Brothers, Compare/Contrast, Default, Global Geography, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Moms, Offers and requests, Sisters, Travel, Weather

What's More Disturbing: A) Geographical Ignorance; or B) Use of “Colored Person”?

Girl #1: Here's a picture of the guy I hooked up with this weekend. God, I can't believe I hooked up with a Bulgarian…
Girl #2: Wait. That's him? I was expecting a colored person. Is Bulgaria not in Africa?

–Penn Station

Posted on October 7, 2008
Default, Girls, Global Geography, Hook Ups, Idiots, Penn Station, Pictures, Race, Stupidity, Words

…in South America!

Flight attendant to passenger wearing a necklace of Africa: That's a pretty necklace. What state is it? Texas?
Passenger: Actually, no. It's Africa.
Flight attendant: Oh! It's not a state, it's a country!

–LaGuardia Airport

Posted on October 6, 2008
Airports, Compare/Contrast, Default, Flight Attendants, Global Geography, LaGuardia Airport, Passengers, Questions, Stupidity

Not One of Those Kenyan Italians

Brooklyn girl #1: He was more Italian than regular DJs?
Brooklyn girl #2: He was European Italian.

–Bay Ridge

Overheard by: not italian or a dj

Posted on October 4, 2008
Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Global Geography, Music, Questions, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Are Too Cool for Shul

Six-year-old girl to middle-aged passenger: Well, I'm Jewish, but my parents are Aries. So I'm not really sure what that makes me.

–Amtrak

Overheard by: half Jewish, half Gemini

Guy: Oh, I know Jewish girls give good head!

–81st & Amsterdam

Awkward Catholic boy: These days there are more Jews in New York than Israel…and they all worship Barbara Walters as their Spider Queen.

–Steps of The Met

(outside the Marionette Theater's showing of Jack and the Beanstalk)
Four-year-old: Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of a Jewish man.

–Outside the Marionette Theatre, Central Park

Drunk guy inside German bar, pointing at small guy with a jewfro: Juden!

–German Beer Garden, Williamsburg

Overheard by: POLA

Woman on cell: Well, he wasn't as forthcoming with me as he is with you, probably because I keep telling him to stop dating that fat Asian girl and find himself a nice Jewish girl instead …

–Broadway & Prince

Posted on October 1, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, BJs, Blood & bleeding, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Global Geography, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Judaism, Kids, Nazis, On Cell, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Soho, The Met, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Everything She Knows About Europe She Learned from Greek Tragedies

Male third grader: It's illegal to marry your sibling.
Female third grader: Yeah, unless you're from Europe.

–Bus

Overheard by: wishing i was still 8

Posted on September 26, 2008
Boys, Crime and Punishment, Default, Family Ties, Girls, Global Geography, Kids, Marriage, On the Bus, Weirdness

Where in the World Are Wednesday One-Liners?

College girl: So, I'm thinking of going to France and/or, like, Europe.

–Penn Station

Confused tourist with map: Where's Chicago? Oh, right…that's here in New York City, right?

–Times Square

Guy with map in Tribeca (pointing ahead to the south): Okay, so Central Park should be this way…

–Tribeca

Wide-eyed tourist: Oh my god, we're in Central Park! Can you believe it?

–Riverside Park

30-something zoo patron to zoo employee: I thought Madagascar was just the name of a character in that movie.

–Madagascar Exhibit, Bronx Zoo

Posted on September 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Global Geography, Guys, Idiots, Movies, NYC Geography, Penn Station, Sorority Girls, Stupidity, The Bronx, Times Square, Tourism, Tourist Attractions, Tourists, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

But Only Certain Kinds of Love

Sorority girl #1: Maybe Italy is, like, the city of love…
Sorority girl #2: No. That's Virginia.

–Wagner College

Posted on September 21, 2008
College, Compare/Contrast, Default, Global Geography, Love, Sorority Girls, Staten Island, U.S. Geography

Wednesday One-Liners Sneak Big Shampoo Into Their Carry-Ons

Pilot: We haven't been cleared for landing yet, so we're just going to have to fly around for about 30 minutes. We have about 45 minutes worth of fuel left, so we should be okay.

–Flight into LaGuardia

Overheard by: Andrea

TSA representative to man punching the beeping metal detector: Sir, I don't think that you understand how this works, but you are not supposed to punch the machine when it beeps.

–JFK

Flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen of the jur… We'll be coming around to serve refreshments shortly.

–JFK to Burbank

Overheard by: Bella

Pilot: I would like to apologize for the long delay and I am happy to announce that we will shortly be making our way over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go in Louisville. Our flux capacitor is up and running and once this baby hits 188 miles per hour you'd better hold on tight.

–LaGuardia Airport

Pilot: So, is everyone excited to go to Honolulu?

–JFK Flight to San Francisco

Overheard by: that would be nice, though…

Posted on September 17, 2008
Advice, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Compare/Contrast, Fears, Flight Attendants, Global Geography, JFK Airport, LaGuardia Airport, Pilots, Public Transportation, Questions, Time, Weirdness, Words

Global Geography