Hobo lady: It’s gonna rain hard!
Hobo guy: I guess I’ll get the soap ready.
–Astor Place & Cooper Square
Hobo lady: It’s gonna rain hard!
Hobo guy: I guess I’ll get the soap ready.
–Astor Place & Cooper Square
Post office dude: Where is this going to?
Chick: Germany.
Post office dude: Is there anything hazardous to your health in there?
Chick: Uh no, just magazines. And well, some of my hair that's stuck to that tape on the package as well.
Post office dude: Oh, I don't know what customs has to say about that. They will have to deal with that. But wait, I will check.
Chick: That was a joke! I'm not sending hair!
Post office dude: What, but you just said…
Chick: Wow. It was a lame joke! You can literally see half of my scalp under that tape. I tried to cut it with my teeth and and some of my hair got stuck under it… Nevermind!
Post office dude: Ugh. $16.56, please.
–Post Office, Brooklyn Heights
Big Hispanic queer: … So he says, ‘So, don’t you feel cleaner?’ I says, ‘Man, I feel cleaner, but what about the 20 pounds I’m supposed to lose?’
Little Hispanic queer: I thought you were supposed to lose mad weight when you got your colon cleaned.
–Prince & Broadway
Man on blind date: I can't believe I just went to the bathroom. Sorry, I didn't think I would have to. I guess as you get older your bladder weakens.
Woman on blind date: Yeah, I guess.
–Sushi Resteraunt, 82 & 3rd
Overheard by: im
High school girl #1: Ugh. Sorry about that. Why does everything I say sound so stupid? It's like a disease!
High school girl #2: It is a disease! I saw it on the Discovery Channel.
High school girl #1: Oh my god! Really? I should go see a doctor.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Celia
Guy: Then I looked down at her and said, ‘Your bleached teeth are burning my dick!’
–Caliente Cab Co., Waverly & Green
Suit to female companion: You’ll stick your tongue up my ass, but you won’t share my toothbrush because of germs?!
–Renaissance Hotel, Times Square
Overheard by: Big Larry
Girl on cell: … So then he asked me to leave my toothbrush at his place, and I said no. And then he never called me again! I’m glad I didn’t leave my toothbush there.
–1 train
Overheard by: joe d.
Guy on cell: … So I lost my job, and he brushed my teeth for six months.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Young girl to mother pushing stroller: Oh, right, like I’ve never brushed her hair. Like I’ve never fed her or brushed her teeth. What the hell have you done for her?
–63rd & Lex
Overheard by: Jillian
Tiny hipster girl: So how’s the kneecap?
Hipster guy: Fuckin’ swollen.
Tiny hipster girl: Fuck yeah!
Hipster guy: Yeah. But I’m getting an elephant head tattooed next to my cock!
–Europa, Williamsburg
Overheard by: kneecaps are a real bitch
Guy: Hey pretty lady, what’s your hurry? Can I have some of that?…Oh, come on, share your candy, pretty lady.
Lady: It’s Pepto Bismol, not candy.
Guy: Walk on, crappy lady, walk on.
–88th & Broadway
Overheard by: Lizzie
NYU JAP on phone to mother (enraged): Ugh, mom! No! Wearing seasonally inappropriate outerwear will not make me sweat and lose weight!
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Maeve
Woman in line with friend at Duane Reade, reading can of energy drink: Wait. There's carbs in here? Like bread carbs? Carbs are bread, right? Cause when people go on, like, a low carb diet, they don't eat any bread, right? But I still don't understand why there's bread in here. Whatever. It doesn't even taste like bread.
–Duane Reade
10-year-old kid to friend: So you're a year older than me, but you're 20 pounds lighter? That's fucked up.
–Christopher St & Waverly Place
Overheard by: sharknife
Girl: You know how some people are social drinkers? I'm a social eater.
–NYU
Overheard by: ninja z
Asian fashionista: Yeah, I think I'm like a size 12 in boys.
–Conde Nast Building
Overheard by: jackattack
Loud guy on cell: Actually, I can't be bulimic anymore because I have no gag reflex. I've been sucking too much cock.
–34th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Alis
Son: Can I have a grape soda?
Mother: When you're 12.
Son: When I'm… 10?
Mother: When you brush you teeth better.
–49th St
Overheard by: Justin
