If We Never See Another Negro Pizza Fund Wednesday One-Liner Again, It'll Be Too Soon

Hobo: Can you spare a donation to the united negro pizza fund?

–120th St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Mikey T

Hobo: Would you like to make a donation to the united negro pastrami fund?

–21st & Park Ave

Overheard by: Lawrence C

Hobo: Hello ladies, would you like to donate to the united negro pastrami sandwich fund?

–Broadway, SoHo

Bum on street: Please give to the united negro pizza fund.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Squid

Hobo: Contribute to the united negro pastrami sandwich fund!

–Prince & Wooster

Black hobo to tourists: Would you like to donate to the united negro pastrami fund?

–Bleecker & Leroy

Overheard by: Lynn

Hobo: Please give to to the united negro pizza fund. A pepperoni is a terrible thing to waste. (30 minutes later) What's the best nation? A do-nation!

–Outside Buddha Bar

Posted on September 10, 2008
Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Junk Food & Fast Food, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Pizza, Questions, Race, Soho, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Live in Upscale Packing Crates

Crazy hobo outside strip club: Good morning! (girl ignores him) I said "Good morning!" (girl keeps walking, not looking at him) Fine! I take it back!

–Broadway & 53rd St

Overheard by: JoBell

Bag lady to tourists: Hey, people! Welcome to New York City! Can you buy me a hot dog?

–Wall Street

Hobo: Hey! Can I borrow fifty million dollars for the weekend?!

–14th St

Hobo on train: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please! My name is Al, but you can caaaaaaaaalllllll me…homeless.

–L Train

Homeless guy: Hi everyone, my name is Eddie. Some people call me Homeless Ed, or Homeless for short. I know some of you hate homeless people. I didn't use to be homeless. I had a house, a job, and even a girlfriend. And my girlfriend had a girlfriend, so here I am.

–Uptown F Train

Lispy overweight hobo: Hey, sweetie! If I do some scenes from Days of Our Lives, will you help me out with two dollars?

–W 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Emily B.

Posted on September 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Bars & Clubs, Crazies, Fat People, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Junk Food & Fast Food, Money & Class, Movies, Music, Names, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Panhandling, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, West Village

Being Judgmental Does That to a Woman

JAP to friend: Why is it that I only get hit on by the creepy, ugly guys?
Hobo: Um, have you looked in the mirror lately? Maybe it's 'cuz you ugly!

–Outside The Met

Posted on September 7, 2008
Default, Hobos, Insults, JAPs, Physical appearance, Questions, The Met

Please Pick Up After Your Wednesday One-Liners

Crazy guy with black Labrador (angrily): Why didn't you say anything? I thought you were my friend.

–3rd & Sullivan

Overheard by: Sizzle

Middle aged Rastafari to Labrador: This isn't a chew toy, motherfucker!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Sarah

Man to small puppy: You're so round and furry, aren't you Oscar? You're like a Mexican!

–Fordham Road

Old lady with tiny dog: Sparky, I really don't want to be in here.

–PETCO, Union Square

Overheard by: Ave

Woman to dog: Oh, rolling onto your back again, are you? Just like the slutty girl at prom…

–Extra Virgin Restaurant, The Village

Overheard by: wink

(crazy hobo walks up to little girl's dog and picks it up)
Crazy homeless man (shouting in the dog's face): I would name you snowball, but you're brown!

–Tompkins Square Park

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Friendship, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Men, Museum of Natural History, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, The Bronx, The Village, Union Square and East Village, We Love Our Pets, Women

Are You Guys Accepting New Members?

Hobo ringing bells: La laaaa lalala mmmmmmdooodaaaa.
Loud girl: Oh my god, a Hare Krishna!

–14th & Broadway

Posted on August 29, 2008
Buddha, Default, Girls, Hobos, West Village

My Plan for World Domination Is Working!

Bum making weird hooting noise: Hoooooooooo! Hooooooooo!
Girl #1: What the hell? Is that a man?
Girl #2 (sarcastically): Hahaha, no, it's a fucking Mack truck.
Bum: Hahaha you stupid bitch. Stuuuupid bitches. You thought I was a truck! You thought I was a truck! Hahaha! Stuuuuuuupid stuuuuuuuuupid!

–33rd & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Totally not a truck

Posted on August 29, 2008
Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Default, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

Remember When Wednesday One-Liner Were Black?

South African man to friend: Listen to what I just found out the other day… my friend's family owned Michael Jackson's family!

–NYU

Guy to friend (about a Halloween party): Dude, it's a totally corporate made-up holiday, but yeah, I'll dress up as Michael Jackson.

–Duane Reade, Union Square

Overheard by: Traczie

Professor: It's not as simple as black and white anymore. I mean, what color is Tiger Woods? What color is Barack Obama? What color is Michael Jackson?

–History of American Women Class, Pace University

Crazy hobo: This is the 2 Express Train! (a few minutes later) Goddammit, I been waiting two hours for the train! Now I gonna be too late for my lunch with Michael Jackson!

–66th Street Subway Platform

Overheard by: Seth

Little kid to another: You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!

–161st St & 3rd Ave, The Bronx

Overheard by: li'l squeaker

Posted on August 27, 2008
About Celebrities, Africans, All Wednesday One-Liners, Classroom, Clothing, Crazies, Duane Reade, Friends, Guys, History & Geography, Hobos, Holidays, Insults, Kids, NYU, President, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sports, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village

They Do This at Least Once a Week

Hobo: I need change. I need me some change. Gonna get a steak sandwich.
Angry woman: Fuck that. Fuck you! I'm a social worker and I know you're nothing but a worthless son of a bitch! I know you gonna buy you some crack!
Hobo: Somebody better fire that bitch!

–Brooklyn

Posted on August 25, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Food, Hard Drugs, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Lies, Money & Class, Panhandling, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Only Thirty-Nine More Quarters to Go!

Hobo: Can you spare a quarter?
Young female Brit on phone: Just a sec, Mitch* (turns to hobo) what is it?
Hobo: A quarter, can you spare a quarter?
Brit: A qua-what?
Hobo: Twenty five fucking cents!
Brit: Here, have your quarter. No…in fact, take a dollar, go get pissed, or do crack. Or weed. Whatever you…
Hobo (interrupting): Actually, I was thinking sushi tonight.

–29th & 6th

Posted on August 23, 2008
Brits, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Default, Drugs, Ethnic Food, Girls, Hard Drugs, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, Panhandling, Questions, Weed

You've Really Stepped Over the Line When a Hobo Calls TMI on You

Bum: Can I get a smoke?
Well-dressed 20-something: Sure man. I just ate a girl out!
Bum: Did she cum?
20-something: I don't know, she didn't let me do it for very long. (bum walks away) I can still taste her perfume!

–Penn Station

Posted on August 21, 2008
Cum, Default, Eating Out, Guys, Hobos, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Sensory Experiences, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking

Hobos