Hobo to smoking girl: Hey, can I give you a cigarette?
Girl: Um…that's okay. Got one.
Hobo: Oh! Well, can I get one?
Girl: It's my last one.
Hobo: Can I share it with you?
Girl: You know what…here, you can have it.
Hobo: Can I give you some spare change?
(girl walks away)
–6th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Michele
Woman: So my friend was going to vote for Obama, but now, since her boyfriend is from, like, Alaska, she's going to vote for McCain instead.
–Store, 2nd Ave
Woman to friend: Joe says he weighs 145 but he's a Republican. You can't trust anything he says.
–Pinetree Lodge, 35th & 1st
Hobo on street corner: Vote for McCain. Get nuclear rockets shot up your ass and eat moose burgers all day!
–W 3rd & MacDougal St
Overheard by: Matt
60-something woman dressed like teenybopper, talking about Sarah Palin on cell: She proves you can be pretty and smart. She's more than a bulldog in a pantsuit; she's like Alaska Barbie!
–Penn Station
Yuppie dad to whiny daughter: Barack Obama doesn't like it when his daughters whine.
–Caroll Gardens
Middle-aged, white man on cell: Do not call me at this number again. Never call me at this number again. Listen, if you call me at this number again I will, in fact, vote for John McCain.
–Tea Lounge, Cobble Hill
Lady, bumping into hobo: So sorry.
Hobo: Do that again! Bump into me again! I'll show you just how homeless I am!
–A Train
Hobo #1: Man, I love being drunk.
Hobo #2: I know. You say that every day.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Frenchie
Conductor on train: Ladies and gentlemen, if you see the person who is annoyingly pressing the buzzer please direct him to a conductor so they can be arrested and we can all go home.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Allison
Hobo: Now you're going to give me a quarter sir, and then I'm going to arrest you.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Eric
Guy on cell: Mike is getting his crazy ass released? For real? (pause) He's paying taxes?! Thug!
–M Train
Teenybopper: I'm going to jail tonight, I don't care. I'm gonna fuckin' kill that bitch!
–30th b/w 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: eavesdropper
Prospective employee to another: I can't believe she tells me how to fill out the fingerprint card! I've been done hauled to the precinct so many times…
–Elevator, Midtown Building
Ghetto mama: Why somebody call me from prison gotta be my husband? Hell no, that nigga is past tense!
–54 Bus
Blonde chick: Where do you want to get brunch?
British boyfriend: I don't care, anywhere really…
Hobo in Saudi head wrap: Ahh, the youth of America, just shopping and fucking!
–Carmine & Bedford
Overheard by: Maggie
Hobo #1: So then she said she just wanted to be friends, and I was like, “What do you mean by “friends?” Like shake-hands friends? Cause I don't need friends to shake hands with. I'm looking for pussy.”
Hobo #2: Haha, what did she say?
Hobo #1: Well, I dunno, she hasn't called back yet.
–Union Square
Hobo: Can you spare a donation to the united negro pizza fund?
–120th St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Mikey T
Hobo: Would you like to make a donation to the united negro pastrami fund?
–21st & Park Ave
Overheard by: Lawrence C
Hobo: Hello ladies, would you like to donate to the united negro pastrami sandwich fund?
–Broadway, SoHo
Bum on street: Please give to the united negro pizza fund.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Squid
Hobo: Contribute to the united negro pastrami sandwich fund!
–Prince & Wooster
Black hobo to tourists: Would you like to donate to the united negro pastrami fund?
–Bleecker & Leroy
Overheard by: Lynn
Hobo: Please give to to the united negro pizza fund. A pepperoni is a terrible thing to waste. (30 minutes later) What's the best nation? A do-nation!
–Outside Buddha Bar
Crazy hobo outside strip club: Good morning! (girl ignores him) I said "Good morning!" (girl keeps walking, not looking at him) Fine! I take it back!
–Broadway & 53rd St
Overheard by: JoBell
Bag lady to tourists: Hey, people! Welcome to New York City! Can you buy me a hot dog?
–Wall Street
Hobo: Hey! Can I borrow fifty million dollars for the weekend?!
–14th St
Hobo on train: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please! My name is Al, but you can caaaaaaaaalllllll me…homeless.
–L Train
Homeless guy: Hi everyone, my name is Eddie. Some people call me Homeless Ed, or Homeless for short. I know some of you hate homeless people. I didn't use to be homeless. I had a house, a job, and even a girlfriend. And my girlfriend had a girlfriend, so here I am.
–Uptown F Train
Lispy overweight hobo: Hey, sweetie! If I do some scenes from Days of Our Lives, will you help me out with two dollars?
–W 8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Emily B.
JAP to friend: Why is it that I only get hit on by the creepy, ugly guys?
Hobo: Um, have you looked in the mirror lately? Maybe it's 'cuz you ugly!
–Outside The Met
