Wednesday One-Liners Are Coming to Dinner

Guy on cell: I eat ass like a champion.

–Havemeyer & S 1st St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: EA

Scary old guy to pretty woman: Oooh, girl, you look so fine. Tell your husband I want to bite your kneecaps off.

–West Village

Lady on cell: Yeah, I’m really hungry, too. I could really eat some nice wallpaper right about now.

–83rd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Debbie

Woman: I’d rather eat homeless person’s cum than ever eat plain yogurt again.

–Clinton & Stanton

Creepy guy: Let me put it this way: I might not be compelled to eat a puppy, but I just might eat a baby. There’s just something unattractive about them.

–Bus to Penn Station

Mother to screaming child: If you don’t stop crying I am going to eat you!

–100th & Broadway

Overheard by: briana

Bouncer to girl showing ID: You’re so beautiful. I wanna put you on a pedestal… and eat your ass.

–West Village

Overheard by: RBNY

Posted on January 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Beauty, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cum, Food, Homeless, Man's Best Friend, Offers and requests, Rimming, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

It's Recycled Fabric, Motherfucker!

Hobo to bunch of hipster teenagers in line for a show: Is this the line for a shelter?
Teenagers: No.
Mini hipster girl, after he goes away: Oh, hell no. Did he just think I was homeless? I'm wearing fucking American Apparel.

–Bowery & Delancy

Posted on January 8, 2015
Clothing, Hipsters, Hobos, Homeless, Lower East Side, Physical appearance, Questions, Teens

Wednesday One-Minors

Two-year-old, pointing to Citibank: That's my bank!

–7th Ave & President St, Park Slope

Overheard by: But who's your insurance carrier?

Nine-year old boy on cell: Well, you know what? Fuck you! I'm going home! (slams cell shut and begins strutting across parking lot)

–Parking Lot, Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: WTF????

Ten-year-old girl in bathing suit to seven-year-old girl: Stop touching my ass. Whore!

–Park, Astoria

Little girl to group of little girls: Raise your hand if you're allergic to penicillin!

–R Train

Overheard by: cole

Little girl to friends, pointing at platform: That's where hobos live!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Three-year-old boy, eating hamburger: Cock cock cock cock!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Alexis from Texas

Kid in cart at end of dairy aisle as man he came in with goes down aisle: Ssomeone's gonna take me! Someone's take me!

–Stop & Shop, Kingsbridge, Bronx

Overheard by: Krisztina

Posted on January 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Malls, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Penis, Staten Island, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…For Your Mr. Peanut Costume.

Bag lady with a cane: Excuse me, ladies and gentleman! I don't mean to bother you but…
Crazy hobo, interrupting: Then don't! I hate people who say “sorry to bother you.” Just stop bothering me!
Bag lady with a cane: Fuck you!
Crazy hobo: You ain't even really crippled! I sold you that cane!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Sara Swank

Posted on December 24, 2014
Anger Management, Bag ladies, Crazies, Gripes, Handicaps, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, On the Subway, Weirdness

Okay, So Why Would You Need Coffee?

Bum: Hey you got some money so I can get an iced cappuccino?
Concerned white man: Sorry man, I don’t have any more.
Bum: I’m too lazy to work, HAHAHAHAH. [crazy cackle]

–71st & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Donny

Posted on December 22, 2014
Coffee, Crazies, Default, Homeless, Laughter, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Street, Upper East Side, White People

Make That “Sorry, My Lord“

Hobo to college kid: Buy me a fish sandwich?
College kid, walking past: Sorry.
Hobo, as kid walks away: I'm Jesus Christ!

–125th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Will T

Posted on December 20, 2014
Food, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Homeless, Jesus, Offers and requests, Students

A Little Paint and Paper and She'll Be Good As New

College student #1 (in reference to muttering homeless person): She's a crazy lady.
College student #2 (in kind and benevolent voice): She's not a crazy person…she just has craziness.

–Queens Station

Posted on December 9, 2014
Crazy, Homeless, Queens, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

It’s Important to Have a Routine

Hobo, suddenly lunging at random female customer: My meat! My meat! My meat! You took my meat! I saw you! You put it in that cart! My meat!
Gristedes staff converge on the old man who is dragged away, still clinging to the woman.
Manager, shaking his head: Yesterday, and again today, Jimmy!

–Gristedes, 1st Ave between 73 & 72

Overheard by: Emily Duncanson

Posted on December 8, 2014
Coworkers, Hobos, Homeless, Upper East Side

Some Houses Are Easier to Flip Than Others

Woman leaving K-Mart: What the hell smells like piss?
(hobo with cart full of belongings begins to walk towards her and almost hits her)
Woman: You better watch where you pushing your fucking house!

–K-Mart

Overheard by: I love NYC!

Posted on November 29, 2014
Anger Management, Comebacks, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Pee, Sensory Experiences, Store, Women

Can Hoboes Really Afford Sarcasm?

Tattooed man in headphones: Hey man, you got a cigarette?
Hobo: Always.
Tattooed man in headphones: Really?
Hobo: Of course not. Look at me, I'm eating out of a trash can.

–3rd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: Greg

Posted on November 28, 2014
Food, Hobos, Homeless, Men, Offers and requests, Smoking, Strangers, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Homeless

Make That “Sorry, My Lord“