‘I’ Before ‘E’, Except After ‘C’, or in Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: Yeah, it’s weird, it feels like I’m still alive.

–W 8th & Broadway

Guy: I still think surprise necrophilia is weird.

–Robert Louis Stevenson School

Overheard by: Lucas

Man to woman companion: I hate single people. They’re all weird.

–90th b/w 2nd & 3rd

Man on cell: February is a weird month for Jews.

–9th St. and 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Hannah

Trader Joe’s employee to another: No, I would not call her weird. It takes a lot for me to call somebody else weird because I am not the most normal person on the planet myself. Meow!

–Trader Joe’s, Union Square

Overheard by: Ingwall

Observant girl: Just because you get weird haircuts doesn’t mean you’re smart.

–Bowery & Rivington

Posted on March 12, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hair, Insults, Judaism, Lower East Side, Men, On Cell, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Street, The Village, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

What About People Who Misuse “Subtlety”?

Woman: Wow, your face is really red! What happened, sunburn?
Cashier girl: No…allergic reaction.
Woman: Ooh…what are you allergic to?
Cashier girl: Rude, obnoxious and tactless customers.
Woman: Oh, so you get a lot of those, hmm?
Cashier girl: Ugh…Oh yeah, I forgot, and stupid ones that don’t get subtlety, either.

–Stop & Shop, Long Island City

Overheard by: mshorty

Posted on March 10, 2015
Biotechs, Body Parts, Cashiers, Colors, Customers, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Store

And the Children, Of Course

Woman #1: Oh, the hell I had to go through with that fucker for this Tiffany!
Woman #2: I know.

–E 41st St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: penetrode

Posted on March 10, 2015
Fashion, Gripes, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Women

Always Address the Smartest Person in the Room

Crazy lady: Fucking bastard liar, what a piece of shit. A piece of shit and a liar! Look at him with that shit-eating grin on his face.
Passerby: Are you talking to me?
Crazy lady: No, I’m talking to myself.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: maximus prime

Posted on March 10, 2015
Crazies, Insults, Parks

…Well? Where's My Applause?

Rushed New Yorker shoving through tour group: Excuse me, excuse me…
Tour guide: Don't worry, folks, most New Yorkers aren't this rude.
Rushed New Yorker: Screw you! Yes we are, that's what everybody loves about us.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: I agree

Posted on March 9, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Bryant Park, Insults, Love, Only in New York, Tourists

Time to Revisit Preemptive Sterilization

Tween girl #1: What? Seriously? You are so dumb. D-O-M!
Tween girl #2: It’s D-O-M-B! Are you kidding?!

–57th & 5th

Posted on March 8, 2015
Default, Girls, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Stupidity, Tweens, Words

Like, Where's the Ten Hookers-a-leaping I Asked for Last Year?

Guy dressed as Santa: Hey, man, got a cigarette?
Random guy: Fuck no, I got a beef with you, Santa!

–Bar, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Keavy (loves Santa)

Posted on March 8, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Guys, Insults, Offers and requests, Smoking, Strangers, Washington Square Park

Like “Aloha,” It Can Mean Hi, Goodbye, or I Love You

Female tourist: Look–he just gave the other driver the finger!
Male tourist: Isn't that just like saying “hi” in New York?

–72nd St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Gazoo

Posted on March 6, 2015
Cars and Driving, Insults, Language Barrier, Only in New York, Questions, Tourism, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Find Their Niche

Ten-year-old wannabe thug: I'ma put this can of pepper spray up your ass! You want me to put this up your ass?!

–Old Navy, Harlem

Worried bearded 50-something: Yeah, but how are we going to film an anal birth!?

–F Train

Street vendor selling his wares: I will shove your foot up the devil's ass!

–St Mark's Place

Yankee stadium employee yelling to another: Hey, wouldja bend over for a minute? I'll be right back!

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: torrie

Gay teen: His hole was as big as a traffic cone!

–1st & 14th

Sinfully ugly girl: I have to stop putting things in my ass.

–forever 21 (queens center mall)

Overheard by: defragment my harddrive

Posted on March 5, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Backdoor, Boys, Coworkers, Dildos and Vibrators, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Innuendo, Insults, Kids, Men, Movies, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Teens, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Words, Yankee Stadium

Because, Really, Does Anyone Care?

Young girl: Mommy, is Canada in Europe?
Sister of young girl: Of course it is, stupid! It's right next to Quebec.
Mom: Uh, no honey, it's in…
Sister of young girl: It's in Europe.
Mom: No, it's in…
Sister of young girl: Europe!
Mom: Fine! Canada is in Europe.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Lydia

Posted on March 3, 2015
Families, Girls, Global Geography, Insults, Moms, Sisters, Staten Island Ferry, Stupidity

Insults