Old lady employee: His boss hired a lawyer for him.
Young lady employee: Oh, so he’s still working?
Old lady employee: What?
Young lady employee: Are you telling me he works during the day and then he goes back to jail at night?
Old lady employee: Girl, are you sure you went to college?
–Office, 5th Ave
Young black teen in a fight #1: Yo, your face look like a Dorito!
Young black teen in a fight #2: Yo, you look like a slave!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Angana
Queer #1: He wasn’t that bad!
Queer #2: Honey, he was a T-R-O-double-L troll, okay?! An under the bridge-living, billy goat-eating mon-stuh!
Queer #1: Hahahahaha!
Queer #3: That was pretty harsh.
Queer #2: You’re new here. I can tell.
–Outside Splash Bar, 17th St
Three-year-old daughter: Mom! I want to sit in the pink chair!
WASP mother: Charlotte… Talk to the hand.
–Macki boutique, 146 Reade St
Overheard by: Stephanie
Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.
–A Train
Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?
–Halloween Adventure
Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!
–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria
Overheard by: kathcom
Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!
–Downtown 6 Train
Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.
–Downtown 6 train
Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: J. Ra
Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.
–Soho
Overheard by: Edan
Crazy ranting hobo: Y’all need to get your shit together! You hear me, humans? Your shit is all outta whack! You’re all over the place like a bunch of crazy croutons and tomatoes in a crazy salad!
Man: Did that dude just call us croutons?
–A train
Overheard by: big fat crouton
Black chick: Watch who you pushing! You pushing me ever again, I’m gonna Bruce Lee your ass, motherfucker! Say you’re sorry, chink!
Chinese guy: Go fuck yourself!
–Utopia Parkway
Overheard by: Ting
Hobo: Hey, lady, can ya please spare some change?
Chick: You need subway fare? I think I have a few bucks left on my metro card…
Hobo: That ain’t gonna help me, bitch. It’s booze I need! Booze!
–53rd & Lex station
Suit on cell: I just don't know what my problem is. I keep getting fucked in the ass, and I just can't figure out why!
–54th b/w Madison & 5th
Overheard by: Pedro
Gay guy to boyfriend (angrily): Well, fine–you can fuck your own ass then.
–W Train
Overheard by: Bethany
Female suit on cell: That's the last time I tell him he can put it anywhere…I haven't been able to sit right all day.
–54th & 5th
Overheard by: GP
Hipster girl to friend: These short-haired girls are starting to piss me off. The only reason why they get all the artsy guys is 'cause they look like fellow fags and aren't prissy about taking it up the butt.
–6 Train
Overheard by: lauren
Girl on cell: He wanted to do it in the butt… No, his butt.
–37th & 7th
Serious woman to friends: Yeah, my students are telling me that the newest thing is butt sex.
–116th & Broadway
Queer: If a song starts with, ‘It’s Britney, bitch!’ you kind of expect it to be good!
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Um, You do?
Girl: Why you call me a bitch? I’m Nigerian!
–NYU bus
Overheard by: sjhaughty
Thug on cell: You a bitch! You afraid to shower!
–42nd St
Overheard by: Brian Libido
Three-year-old WASP, entering room: Welcome to this bitch!
–Supercuts, St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Leo
Kid running ahead of exhausted mom: Run, bitch! Run!
–Prince St & W Broadway
