Inquisitive 15-year-old: Hey, Mister, you ever touch the third rail?
MTA worker: Now, I don’t know you, but I’m gonna call you ‘stupid.’ You’re stupid.
–Queensboro Plaza Station
Overheard by: Sunnyside Up
Inquisitive 15-year-old: Hey, Mister, you ever touch the third rail?
MTA worker: Now, I don’t know you, but I’m gonna call you ‘stupid.’ You’re stupid.
–Queensboro Plaza Station
Overheard by: Sunnyside Up
Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!
–Washington Square Park
Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!
–Naked Lunch, Tribeca
Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!
–E Train
Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot…
–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village
Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day
Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then.
–W 123rd & 8th Ave
Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.
–Staten Island
Suit: There are two kinds of people in this world: Those with MBAs from Harvard, and us.
–6th & 55th
Overheard by: Dan
Agitated suit on cell: A dime is worth less than a dime. A dime is worth less than a dime!
–Starbucks, Times Square
Overheard by: Ladle
Suit to another: People are stupid, and the ones that aren't stupid are dumb!
–Madison & 49th
Suit: So Jake had this Mustang, right? And then every time he'd go to the circus they'd treat him like shit.
–59th & Lexington
Overheard by: i'll take the mustang
Suit to sandwich maker: Give me one with extra juice, so I can let it drip down my chin.
–Deli, 33rd & 7th
Suit on cell: That's stupid! Just put it in a bag and throw it in the river!
–23rd & Lexington
Overheard by: tallnawkward
Charity volunteer: Would you like to sponsor this child?
Grumpy man: I got three kids at home, and besides, I never even met this bastard!
–Broadway at City Hall
Overheard by: Darrin
Old lady employee: His boss hired a lawyer for him.
Young lady employee: Oh, so he’s still working?
Old lady employee: What?
Young lady employee: Are you telling me he works during the day and then he goes back to jail at night?
Old lady employee: Girl, are you sure you went to college?
–Office, 5th Ave
Young black teen in a fight #1: Yo, your face look like a Dorito!
Young black teen in a fight #2: Yo, you look like a slave!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Angana
Queer #1: He wasn’t that bad!
Queer #2: Honey, he was a T-R-O-double-L troll, okay?! An under the bridge-living, billy goat-eating mon-stuh!
Queer #1: Hahahahaha!
Queer #3: That was pretty harsh.
Queer #2: You’re new here. I can tell.
–Outside Splash Bar, 17th St
Three-year-old daughter: Mom! I want to sit in the pink chair!
WASP mother: Charlotte… Talk to the hand.
–Macki boutique, 146 Reade St
Overheard by: Stephanie
Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.
–A Train
Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?
–Halloween Adventure
Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!
–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria
Overheard by: kathcom
Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!
–Downtown 6 Train
Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.
–Downtown 6 train
Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: J. Ra
Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.
–Soho
Overheard by: Edan
Crazy ranting hobo: Y’all need to get your shit together! You hear me, humans? Your shit is all outta whack! You’re all over the place like a bunch of crazy croutons and tomatoes in a crazy salad!
Man: Did that dude just call us croutons?
–A train
Overheard by: big fat crouton
