Two NYU girls are walking downtown and one trips and falls on the street.
Hobo: Did you have a nice trip? I’ll see you next fall!
NYU Girl: Hey…where’s your home?
–Water & Fulton
Two NYU girls are walking downtown and one trips and falls on the street.
Hobo: Did you have a nice trip? I’ll see you next fall!
NYU Girl: Hey…where’s your home?
–Water & Fulton
Chick #1: Like I lost 18 pounds, does it show?
Chick #2: Yeah! How did you do it?
Chick #1: I stop eating at 4 every day.
Chick #2: Wow, is that healthy?
Chick #1: I dunno, it works. It started when my trainer said,
“Bitch, you’re fat. Face it, your BMI is too high.”
–Port Authority ladies’ room
Overheard by: Bibi B
Woman: So I asked him, “How come I make 3 million dollars a year and you still don’t want me?” And he said, “Because you are a fat fucking cow!”
–Astor Place
Overheard by: bogica
Thug: Why you gotta be white and ignorant?
White Girl: Why you gotta be black and belligerent?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Bacon
Guy leaving registration line: Yo,son, I'm a fucking college student!
–Borough of Manhattan Community College
Girl to friend: If I blow off the first day of class to go to Nobu, am I really meant to be an MD?
–Nobu Restaurant, Tribeca
Crazy guy: School is good! School is very good! You can speak Chinese! You can speak Japanese! (counts to ten in Spanish.) School is good! School is very good!
–C Train
Overheard by: Emily B.
Hipster art student: He keeps giving us too many penis assignments. I don't wanna do another penis assignment.
–Pratt Institute
Blonde: My mom wants me to look at graduation dresses…yeah, let's see if I get there first.
–Austin St, Forest Hills
Conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors. Do not hold the doors.
Crackhead holding doors: Suck my dick. I'm in the mob. I'm mobbed the fuck up.
Conductor: For those who continue to hold the doors, if I see you, police will be called. It's rush hour, people need to get where they're going.
Crackhead holding doors: Shut the fuck up. I went to Cornell, motherfucker. Suck my dick.
–Uptown 2 Train
Overheard by: ED
Girl #1: My ass is so big!
Girl #2: I know.
Girl #1: You biyatch!
Girl #2: Wow, way to use a four-year-old pop culture reference.
–Guggeheim
Inquisitive 15-year-old: Hey, Mister, you ever touch the third rail?
MTA worker: Now, I don’t know you, but I’m gonna call you ‘stupid.’ You’re stupid.
–Queensboro Plaza Station
Overheard by: Sunnyside Up
Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!
–Washington Square Park
Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!
–Naked Lunch, Tribeca
Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!
–E Train
Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot…
–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village
Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day
Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then.
–W 123rd & 8th Ave
Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.
–Staten Island
Suit: There are two kinds of people in this world: Those with MBAs from Harvard, and us.
–6th & 55th
Overheard by: Dan
Agitated suit on cell: A dime is worth less than a dime. A dime is worth less than a dime!
–Starbucks, Times Square
Overheard by: Ladle
Suit to another: People are stupid, and the ones that aren't stupid are dumb!
–Madison & 49th
Suit: So Jake had this Mustang, right? And then every time he'd go to the circus they'd treat him like shit.
–59th & Lexington
Overheard by: i'll take the mustang
Suit to sandwich maker: Give me one with extra juice, so I can let it drip down my chin.
–Deli, 33rd & 7th
Suit on cell: That's stupid! Just put it in a bag and throw it in the river!
–23rd & Lexington
Overheard by: tallnawkward
Charity volunteer: Would you like to sponsor this child?
Grumpy man: I got three kids at home, and besides, I never even met this bastard!
–Broadway at City Hall
Overheard by: Darrin
