Female cop: I'm not dealin' with you …
Man with dreadlocks: Go suck yo modas pussy!
Female cop: No, you go suck yo modas pussy!
–Bowery & 1st
Female cop: I'm not dealin' with you …
Man with dreadlocks: Go suck yo modas pussy!
Female cop: No, you go suck yo modas pussy!
–Bowery & 1st
Woman: Well, now that I know you go to Brooklyn…
Man: Shit, I don't go to Brooklyn anymore! That bitch got sober!
–3rd Ave & 11th St
Girl on cell: Listen, Alice, I just wanted to call and tell you that I am really, really sorry about the pop-tarts.
–High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Conductor: This is where they tell me what the problem is, so you can stick with me or abandon ship, but either way I'm sorry for the mind-numbing delays.
–Delayed 6 Train
Overheard by: Frankie
Guy on cell: I'm trying to apolo… shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up. (pause) I'm trying to… stop talking! Just stop talking! (pause) Say "okay." I told you to stop talking. Say "okay." Shut the fuck up!
–Union Square
Overheard by: tracy
Conductor: We are delayed because of train traffic ahead of us. Thank you for your inconvenience and sorry for your cooperation.
–Downtown F Frain
Overheard by: Ben Black
Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?
–St Mark's & Ave A
Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I'm trippin'! Oh, god, I'm shroomin'!
–Delancey St
Professor: Take that Ritalin-Scotch-heroin cocktail… With a pop-tart!
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Denali
Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?
–Times Square
Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.
–Jane & 4th St
Overheard by: M Tod
Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine's Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it's not drugs?
–The Diana Center, Barnard College
Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I'm high. (audience laughs) Don't blog that!
–Colbert Report Studios, 54th St
Overheard by: Allison
20-something boy: I gotta head out to the j train.
20-something drunk girl: There's no such fucking thing as the j train!
(20-something boy stares blankly and points to sign for the j train)
20-something drunk girl: You're so… Ughhhh!
20-something boy: That's not even an adjective.
20-something drunk girl: It doesn't have to be an adjective!
–Broadway Junction
Bike messenger #1: But we shouldn't write songs about New York bike messengers.
Bike messenger #2: Yeah, yeah, I get ya.
Bike messenger #1: We're not going to get anywhere with an audience of New York bike messengers.
Bike messenger #2: Yeah, yeah, I totally understand.
Bike messenger #1: We should write songs about fucking people… People who… People who aren't fucking paying attention to what's going on around them.
Bike messenger #2: Yeah, yeah, I totally get that.
–Staten Island Ferry
Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!
–East Village
Overheard by: Matty Mac
Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!
–Brooklyn
Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?
–Mulberry
Overheard by: nina
Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."
–6 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!
–Astoria
Excited train operator: This is a Brooklyn-bound f train. Please step in and stand clear of the closing doors… Did any of y'all watch Cold Case Files last night? Whoooo!
–F Train
Female suit to another: I mean, we're better off having our kids watch American Idol than Baby Einstein.
–3rd & 84th
Overheard by: Daniela
Angry woman: They lied bout all that shit! I don't care bout her baby whether she's preggo or sick. I'mma whip that ugly bitch's ass… This ain't no Leave it to Beaver nothin' !
–Q Train
Overheard by: Taylor
Loud college student: A lot of things in my life I've been mirroring after the Dog Whisperer show. You know? It's just socializing.
–Library
Overheard by: Elyse
Teenage guy to friend: Man, every time I watch tv, I fucking hate life.
–81st St & Columbus Ave
20-something girl to another: You know, with most of the other saints, the way they met their demise had no entertainment value!
–Morningside Heights
Woman to guy, nodding thoughtfully: Hell, no, I'm not going to jail! I don't care if he killed him, he's not gonna kill me too!
–Crown Heights
Grandpa wearing Brooklyn dodgers cap to grandson: Listen to me! Are you listening to me? The last two guys who didn't listen to me ended up dead with their heads blown off! Is that what you want? (pause) So… You hungry?
–IKEA Parking, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Gene D. Gray
30-something guy: If I were 28, in great shape, and everyone loved me, I wouldn't just be in trouble with the law, I'd be dead.
–Mooncake Foods, Soho
Overheard by: Robert
Crazy Puerto Rican with wild poodle: Mira! Mira! Cancel the fucking casket–she ain't dead yet, bitch! Mira!
–86th St & East End
Old lady, after being pushed by teenage girl: You jerk!
Teenage girl: Well, I really hope you die, like, tomorrow.
–Port Authority
