Wednesday One-Liners Get “The Girlfriend Experience”

Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!

–East Village

Overheard by: Matty Mac

Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!

–Brooklyn

Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?

–Mulberry

Overheard by: nina

Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."

–6 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!

–Astoria

Posted on July 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Bag ladies, Brooklyn, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Guidos, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Prison, Prostitution, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Store, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Having an Episode.

Excited train operator: This is a Brooklyn-bound f train. Please step in and stand clear of the closing doors… Did any of y'all watch Cold Case Files last night? Whoooo!

–F Train

Female suit to another: I mean, we're better off having our kids watch American Idol than Baby Einstein.

–3rd & 84th

Overheard by: Daniela

Angry woman: They lied bout all that shit! I don't care bout her baby whether she's preggo or sick. I'mma whip that ugly bitch's ass… This ain't no Leave it to Beaver nothin' !

–Q Train

Overheard by: Taylor

Loud college student: A lot of things in my life I've been mirroring after the Dog Whisperer show. You know? It's just socializing.

–Library

Overheard by: Elyse

Teenage guy to friend: Man, every time I watch tv, I fucking hate life.

–81st St & Columbus Ave

Posted on July 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Gripes, Illness, Insults, Kids, Library, Lies, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Students, Suits, Teens, Threats, TV, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Gravy

20-something girl to another: You know, with most of the other saints, the way they met their demise had no entertainment value!

–Morningside Heights

Woman to guy, nodding thoughtfully: Hell, no, I'm not going to jail! I don't care if he killed him, he's not gonna kill me too!

–Crown Heights

Grandpa wearing Brooklyn dodgers cap to grandson: Listen to me! Are you listening to me? The last two guys who didn't listen to me ended up dead with their heads blown off! Is that what you want? (pause) So… You hungry?

–IKEA Parking, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gene D. Gray

30-something guy: If I were 28, in great shape, and everyone loved me, I wouldn't just be in trouble with the law, I'd be dead.

–Mooncake Foods, Soho

Overheard by: Robert

Crazy Puerto Rican with wild poodle: Mira! Mira! Cancel the fucking casket–she ain't dead yet, bitch! Mira!

–86th St & East End

Posted on July 14, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Death, Families, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Murder, Old People, One-liners, Physical appearance, Prison, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Religion, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

“Greatest Generation,” My Ass

Old lady, after being pushed by teenage girl: You jerk!
Teenage girl: Well, I really hope you die, like, tomorrow.

–Port Authority

Posted on July 11, 2010
Comebacks, Death, Insults, Old People, Port Authority, Teens, Wishes & desires

Fucking Nerd

Boy #1: Dude, you are totally not a nerd anymore, just like I'm not that emo.
Boy #2: No, you're still totally emo.
Boy #1: What the fuck, dude? Look, only two bracelets and I'm so not rocking the eyeliner anymore.
Boy #2: Still emo.

–1 Train

Posted on July 8, 2010
Age/Aging, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Insults, On the Subway, Physical appearance

“Your Mama's So Wednesday, She's a One-Liner!”

Young woman in need of sympathy: You have to forgive me! My mother, she fucked me up! I'm soooo fucked up!

–7th St & Ave A

Overheard by: stephie

Teenage girl: My mom is a fan of "wild sex" on Facebook.

–Starbucks

Girl in red jacket: It's not the whole gay thing, it's the whole sex-in-front-of-your-mother thing.

–Hudson & Varrick

Man to another, across seat: Get up! Get up, fool. Yo' momma don't love you! And if yo' momma don't love you, don't nobody love you.

–E Train

Male NYU student: Yay, my mom's picking me up!

–NYU

Overheard by: George

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Apologies, Facebook, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Insults, Love, Men, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Promiscuity, Sex, Sexuality, Starbucks, Students, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners and the Law Of the Harvest

Older black woman on cell, screaming: There are no leaves on the floor. No! No fucking leaves on the floor. The fucking leaves are green and still in the trees. Did you hear me?

–7th Ave & W 18th

Ghetto Spanish chick on cell: Oh my god, you got your tree? A pink tree!? Say, word… I'ma come by after work to see your pink tree. I never seen a pink tree before! Is it real?

–4 Train

Overheard by: DCBX

Sad 13-year-old to friend, in total seriousness: Right now… Here in social studies… My FarmVille crops are dying!

–Middle school, Coney Island

Blonde hipster to blonder hipster: So I told her, "you can take everything, but at least leave me the front lawn."

–Gramercy

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Coney Island, Death, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Hipsters, Insults, Latinos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, School, Teens, Trees and plants, Wednesday One-Liners

If You're Worried About Catching the Gay, Maybe You're Not As Straight As You Think.

Thug #1, after passing loud gay couple, a gay man in shorts, and two men kissing: Yo, seriously, where the fuck are we at?
Black queer, flipping up sunglasses at night: Bitch, you in Chelseaaaaa!
Thug #2: Taxi!

–22nd & 7th

Overheard by: frank white

Posted on July 4, 2010
Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Directions, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, NYC Geography, Queer guys, Thugs

Fun Game: Drink Every Time They Say “Fuck”.

Suit on train to giant loud Hawaiian guy on cell: Hey, would you keep it down?
Loud Hawaiian giant: Fuck you, you're prejudiced! I wasn't loud.
Suit: You woke me up! And what's this prejudiced thing, are you Jewish?
Hawaiian giant: Fuck you ! I ain't goin' to jail! Fuck jail!

–NJT Train into Penn Station

Posted on June 29, 2010
Cell Phone, Insults, Judaism, On Cell, Passengers, Penn Station, Prison, Questions, Suits, Trains Not Subway

At Least She's Stopped Barking.

Woman to girl crumpled on the floor, shaking: You okay?
Girl: Yeah… Yeah.
Woman: I like your dog.
Girl: Yeah… Yeah…
Woman: Yeah, my friend Chris got like 20 of them.
Girl: 20 chihuahuas?
Woman: 20 of them.
Girl: Fuck! Shit!… Fuckshit!

–L Train

Posted on June 27, 2010
Compliments, Girls, Insults, Man's Best Friend, On the Subway, Women

Insults