Wednesday One-Liners Are Boning Their Secretaries

Suit on cell: Yeah, we'll be whoring ourselves out. But that's what we do.

–53rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: I wish I got a bailout.

20-something suit: Beating a redneck at beer pong while wearing a suit is the classiest thing ever.

–79th St & Broadway

Overheard by: next victim

Suit: Ahahahaha! Haha! Ahhh. Fuck everyone.

–7th Ave

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Suit on cell: C'mon, man, it's only 300 grand.

–45th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Kári Emil Helgason

Fat suit to hottie: Hey! I have money! (hottie walks on by) Really! I do! (she doesn't stop) Fuck it. You don't care. But I do!

–3rd Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Old suit to another, both laughing: I owe money, but not my money… other people's money!

–60th St & Lexington

Overheard by: J

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Girls, Insults, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, Prostitution, Questions, Street, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Jesus Only Healed the Willing

Established-looking black man: You think I'm ghetto? Girl, I can be ghetto if that's what'chu think I am.
Semi-attractive black female: (whispers something unintelligible that sounds like an insult)
Established-looking black man: Girl,if I was Jesus Christ you still be picking off imperfections on me.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Dominique

Posted on August 13, 2010
Black People, Compare/Contrast, Insults, Jesus, On the Subway

Wedneslutsday One-Liners

30-something woman on phone: Ma! Jesus, ma. I totally agree with you. (pause) Yeah, he told me to come over when the house was done. (pause) Yeah, fixed up. Jesus, ma. (groan) Yes. No! I'm not a slut. Ma!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: maria

Teen girl to friend: I was living with my grandmother and my girlfriend was studying social work, I was sleeping with men at this time–but I wasn't a slut or anything.

–Westside Tavern, 23rd & 8th

Girl on cell: How many guys did I sleep with? Thirty, forty?

–Pearl St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: CAC Baby from The Glebe

Father on phone with daughter: I didn't raise you to be a fucking whore. If I wanted you to be a whore you think I would've paid for your goddamn degree?

–Washington Square Park

High school freshman to friend: My Spanish teacher called me a slut!

–61st St & Amsterdam Ave

Posted on August 4, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Insults, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Promiscuity, Queens, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, Teens, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Previously He Thought She Was a Muppet.

Girl: I can't believe he's being such an asshole to me! I've enriched his life so much!
Friend: Yeah?
Girl: Yeah! It's because of me that he knows who Lady Gaga is!

–R Train

Overheard by: Soyeon

Posted on July 31, 2010
About Celebrities, Friends, Girls, Insults, Music, On the Subway, Relationships

Why There's Never a Cop Around When You Need One: Explained.

Female cop: I'm not dealin' with you …
Man with dreadlocks: Go suck yo modas pussy!
Female cop: No, you go suck yo modas pussy!

–Bowery & 1st

Posted on July 30, 2010
Cops, Insults, Lower East Side, Men, Vagina

…And Started Having Kids!

Woman: Well, now that I know you go to Brooklyn…
Man: Shit, I don't go to Brooklyn anymore! That bitch got sober!

–3rd Ave & 11th St

Posted on July 22, 2010
Drinking & Drunk People, Insults, Men, Relationships, Union Square and East Village, Women

The Sorriest Wednesday One-Liners in Town

Girl on cell: Listen, Alice, I just wanted to call and tell you that I am really, really sorry about the pop-tarts.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Conductor: This is where they tell me what the problem is, so you can stick with me or abandon ship, but either way I'm sorry for the mind-numbing delays.

–Delayed 6 Train

Overheard by: Frankie

Guy on cell: I'm trying to apolo… shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up. (pause) I'm trying to… stop talking! Just stop talking! (pause) Say "okay." I told you to stop talking. Say "okay." Shut the fuck up!

–Union Square

Overheard by: tracy

Conductor: We are delayed because of train traffic ahead of us. Thank you for your inconvenience and sorry for your cooperation.

–Downtown F Frain

Overheard by: Ben Black

Posted on July 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Conductors, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Girls, Guys, Insults, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Queens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now

Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?

–St Mark's & Ave A

Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I'm trippin'! Oh, god, I'm shroomin'!

–Delancey St

Professor: Take that Ritalin-Scotch-heroin cocktail… With a pop-tart!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?

–Times Square

Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.

–Jane & 4th St

Overheard by: M Tod

Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine's Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it's not drugs?

–The Diana Center, Barnard College

Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I'm high. (audience laughs) Don't blog that!

–Colbert Report Studios, 54th St

Overheard by: Allison

Posted on July 21, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, B-List, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Education, Family Ties, Flyer people, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Laughter, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Street, Teachers/Professors, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

When I Drink, I Seem to Be a Verb

20-something boy: I gotta head out to the j train.
20-something drunk girl: There's no such fucking thing as the j train!
(20-something boy stares blankly and points to sign for the j train)
20-something drunk girl: You're so… Ughhhh!
20-something boy: That's not even an adjective.
20-something drunk girl: It doesn't have to be an adjective!

–Broadway Junction

Posted on July 18, 2010
Boys, Brooklyn, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Insults, Public Transportation, Words

…Wait– What?

Bike messenger #1: But we shouldn't write songs about New York bike messengers.
Bike messenger #2: Yeah, yeah, I get ya.
Bike messenger #1: We're not going to get anywhere with an audience of New York bike messengers.
Bike messenger #2: Yeah, yeah, I totally understand.
Bike messenger #1: We should write songs about fucking people… People who… People who aren't fucking paying attention to what's going on around them.
Bike messenger #2: Yeah, yeah, I totally get that.

–Staten Island Ferry

Posted on July 16, 2010
Coworkers, Ferry, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Music, Singing, Staten Island Ferry

Insults

Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now