Promoter, stopping college girls: Hey, do you girls like comedy?
Girls: (silence)
Promoter: Where are you two from?
(they look at each other, don't say anything)
Promoter: Helloooo? Where are you from?
(no reply)
Promoter: Are you guys retarded?!
(they storm off)
Girl #1 to girl #2: God! Someone would never say that to us in LA!
–Times Square
Overheard by: just visiting
Blonde: There were three of them; they were twins.
–Lunasa Bar, East Village
Guy on cell: You thought you had the right information, but you didn't have your dots crossed.
–B46 Bus
Overheard by: Brooklynluva
Latino girl in park: Don't read it, bitch, just put it on. It's good, it's sunblock. It protects you from the UVs and huh… The HIV positives, or whatever.
–125th St & Riverside
Overheard by: nearby park bather
Middle-aged guy: It took me forever to find this building; it was confusing because all the numbers were written with letters.
–One (oops, "1") E 53rd Street
Skinny chick #1: Shut up, bitch! I can totally see your rib cage.
Skinny chick #2: Well, that's only because I have a skinny rib cage!
–Plumm Bar, West Village
Overheard by: everyone wants to be fat, but not really
Hobo #1: So they said I had to do this ree-conciliation.
Hobo #2: Uh-huh.
Hobo #1: Tell you what, man: they can ree-conciliate deze nuts!
–Bowery Mission
Overheard by: h.g. #3
Suit #1: So my cousin in Scranton is also pregnant.
Suit #2: Yeah, what's the father like?
Suit #1: Complete loser.
Suit #2: Sucks, man. What does he do for work again?
Suit #1: Heroin.
–27th & 3rd
Overheard by: Chris Haddad
Ebullient cashier: Good morning, sir!
Yuppie, trying to control his two rambunctious children: What's so fucking good about it?
–Union Market, Park Slope
Overheard by: Thinking the same thing
MTA announcer: Ladies and gentleman, the next Brooklyn-bound L train will depart in approximately five minutes. The following Brooklyn-bound L train will depart in approximately fifteen minutes
MTA worker: Fifteen minutes my ass!
–L Train Station
Girl to friend: He's Indian! How can he be homeless?
–Union Square
Crazy Asian lady: I think everyone should experience jail and being homeless at least twice in life, so I need to go to jail again.
–Pinkberry, 32nd St
Suit, screaming: Why the fuck did I go to school? Look at these homeless people. They have a perfect life. Free samples at every corner. Apple Store is open 24/7, which means good shelter. Gahh!
–Union Square
Overheard by: hespeakstruth
Flamboyantly elegant gay guy to female friend: Would you rather lick this entire subway platform or have a homeless woman eat your pussy?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Katie
NYU professor: Stay away from drugs. (pause) Unless they're recreational and you know what you're doing!
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: liz
Tall kid: I don't like opiates in general. I'm for up, not down. At any rate, I have a fucking honky horn!
–Hunter College High School
Guy: I think I need to do more shrooms and acid.
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: Jordan
Girl to friend: You should try something natural, like shrooms.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Julie
Druggie clerk on cell: I mean: come on, man! That's my fucking apartment. If he wants to smoke weed or shoot up in my apartment, it's like, whatever. But crack? No. That's my fucking home. Seriously.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Emmy
Man: I've walked to the store enough for her. (pause) And look, I get to the top of the hill and she's nowhere in sight. What the fuck?
Woman: What the fuck? WTH?
Man: It's “F.”
Woman: What?
–Frederick Douglass Boulevard
