Wednesday One-Liners and the Law Of the Harvest

Older black woman on cell, screaming: There are no leaves on the floor. No! No fucking leaves on the floor. The fucking leaves are green and still in the trees. Did you hear me?

–7th Ave & W 18th

Ghetto Spanish chick on cell: Oh my god, you got your tree? A pink tree!? Say, word… I'ma come by after work to see your pink tree. I never seen a pink tree before! Is it real?

–4 Train

Overheard by: DCBX

Sad 13-year-old to friend, in total seriousness: Right now… Here in social studies… My FarmVille crops are dying!

–Middle school, Coney Island

Blonde hipster to blonder hipster: So I told her, "you can take everything, but at least leave me the front lawn."

–Gramercy

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Coney Island, Death, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Hipsters, Insults, Latinos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, School, Teens, Trees and plants, Wednesday One-Liners

If You're Worried About Catching the Gay, Maybe You're Not As Straight As You Think.

Thug #1, after passing loud gay couple, a gay man in shorts, and two men kissing: Yo, seriously, where the fuck are we at?
Black queer, flipping up sunglasses at night: Bitch, you in Chelseaaaaa!
Thug #2: Taxi!

–22nd & 7th

Overheard by: frank white

Posted on July 4, 2010
Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Directions, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, NYC Geography, Queer guys, Thugs

Fun Game: Drink Every Time They Say “Fuck”.

Suit on train to giant loud Hawaiian guy on cell: Hey, would you keep it down?
Loud Hawaiian giant: Fuck you, you're prejudiced! I wasn't loud.
Suit: You woke me up! And what's this prejudiced thing, are you Jewish?
Hawaiian giant: Fuck you ! I ain't goin' to jail! Fuck jail!

–NJT Train into Penn Station

Posted on June 29, 2010
Cell Phone, Insults, Judaism, On Cell, Passengers, Penn Station, Prison, Questions, Suits, Trains Not Subway

At Least She's Stopped Barking.

Woman to girl crumpled on the floor, shaking: You okay?
Girl: Yeah… Yeah.
Woman: I like your dog.
Girl: Yeah… Yeah…
Woman: Yeah, my friend Chris got like 20 of them.
Girl: 20 chihuahuas?
Woman: 20 of them.
Girl: Fuck! Shit!… Fuckshit!

–L Train

Posted on June 27, 2010
Compliments, Girls, Insults, Man's Best Friend, On the Subway, Women

For That, and for Wearing Those Horrid Tasseled Loafers.

Gay dude to girl friend: Stupid-ass Aids-filled cancer patient.
Girl friend: That's why you're gonna die tomorrow.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Glory

Posted on June 26, 2010
AIDS, Cancer, Death, Fag Hags, Insults, On the Subway, Queer guys

Brutality Exchange Program?

Girl, swatting at guy: Stupid, stupid! LAPD?
Guy: Ow! What did I say? What?
Girl: Why would the LAPD be in New York?
Guy: Oh.

–Five Points, Manhattan

Posted on June 26, 2010
Cops, Girls, Guys, Insults, Lower East Side

Um, He Was Explaining the Specials.

Apple executive, about owner: The way I see it, you plop down 14 dollars to listen to Kenny talk for an hour.
Fire department regular, paying check: I'd pay 24 dollars for Kenny to shut the fuck up while I'm trying to eat.

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: mhopkins

Posted on June 25, 2010
Clerks, Firemen, Food, Insults, Lower East Side, Money & Class, Suits

Like, When You Encounter Chutes. Or Ladders.

Ten-year-old girl #1: You suck at this game!
Ten-year-old girl #2: One day it will come in handy!

–Summer Camp, Staten Island

Overheard by: never know what you'll over hear as a camp counselor

Posted on June 24, 2010
Insults, Kids, Staten Island

Too Easy.

Promoter, stopping college girls: Hey, do you girls like comedy?
Girls: (silence)
Promoter: Where are you two from?
(they look at each other, don't say anything)
Promoter: Helloooo? Where are you from?
(no reply)
Promoter: Are you guys retarded?!
(they storm off)
Girl #1 to girl #2: God! Someone would never say that to us in LA!

–Times Square

Overheard by: just visiting

Posted on June 24, 2010
Girls, Insults, Only in New York, Retardation, Strangers, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers

Wednesday One-Liners Play the Moronica

Blonde: There were three of them; they were twins.

–Lunasa Bar, East Village

Guy on cell: You thought you had the right information, but you didn't have your dots crossed.

–B46 Bus

Overheard by: Brooklynluva

Latino girl in park: Don't read it, bitch, just put it on. It's good, it's sunblock. It protects you from the UVs and huh… The HIV positives, or whatever.

–125th St & Riverside

Overheard by: nearby park bather

Middle-aged guy: It took me forever to find this building; it was confusing because all the numbers were written with letters.

–One (oops, "1") E 53rd Street

Posted on June 23, 2010
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Bus, Directions, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parks, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Insults