Mother: What's your favorite vegetable?
Six-year-old daughter: I love grilled asparagus with olive oil.
–Central Park West & 80th St
Overheard by: Not a yuppie
Mother: What's your favorite vegetable?
Six-year-old daughter: I love grilled asparagus with olive oil.
–Central Park West & 80th St
Overheard by: Not a yuppie
Preteen boy #1: My new girlfriend told me to meet her there after school.
Preteen boy #2: Why don't you just call her and tell her you'll be late?
Preteen boy #1: I don't have her number.
Preteen boy #2: How is she your girlfriend if you don't even have her phone number?
Preteen boy #1: Cause I kissed her on the lips and she liked it!
–L Train
Tourist teen: Scientology? Is that like that crazy Darwinism stuff where they think people are monkeys?
–TKTS
Guy: Well, 20 million years ago you were a monkey too!
–NYC Lab School
Overheard by: T
Teen to friend: So once the car is full of monkey poop, then you trade it in for another one.
–Chelsea
Hobo sitting in subway station: Woman ain't want no man in her bed…she want a monkey in her bed…ooohh ooh oh ahh ahhh ahhh. (makes monkey noises)
–E Train
Overheard by: Ja9
Comedy show hawker: You will all have autism when you're done with this show. And you'll be having sex like monkeys and bunnies.
–Times Square
Overheard by: fluffyautist
Little boy watching monkey, to father: I bet he wouldn't leave his kid at a Wal-Mart.
–Bronx Zoo
Conductor yelling in Indian accent: Please get in the train, it's not that crowded. (door closes and opens again) Get in the freaking train, it's not Mumbai, there is space, and keep you limbs inside the train, please!
–E Train
Overheard by: Ting
Loud man as doors open on a packed rush-hour train: What you need to do is…put out your hand and say, "no, you will not fit." And then, if that don't work, take your umbrella, and open it up.
–4 Train
Seated woman to older lady leaning over her: Lady, back your fupa up!
–F Train
Overheard by: pwolf
Conductor: This train is tooo crowded, folks. There is another train behind us that looks just like this one. Take a look at this train, then wait for something that looks just like it.
–6 Train
Little tourist boy: There are more people in here than in all of New York!
–Dillan's Candy Store
Japanese toddler: Do they have jail in Japan?
Japanese dad: Yes, they have jail everywhere.
Japanese toddler: I want to go to jail!
Japanese dad: No, you don't. You get killed in jail.
–Grand Central Terminal
Four-year-old: Doorman 1 is fat.
Mom: No he's not. Who said that?
Four-year-old: Doorman 2.
Mom: Well, doorman 2 is wrong. Doorman 1 is just a bigger guy. He's just bigger than doorman 2. He's not fat.
Four-year-old: Yes he is.
Mom: No he's not. Who are you going to believe, me or doorman 2?
Four-year-old: Doorman 2.
–Riverside Drive
Little boy near cafe: What's that smell?
Passerby: It's the smell of knowledge!
–Barnes & Noble
Black lesbian hipster: Don't, like, kiss me or look into my eyes…just fuck me and then buy me lunch.
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Helena the Great
Little boy to sister, watching couple kissing and hugging: Ewwwwww! He kissed her!
–3rd Ave & 34th St
Overheard by: Valley
Guy on cell: So then if she has herpes, should I not kiss her?
–PATH Train
Woman to toddler: Yes, it's good. It's very good. Kissing and hugging are good.
–Eldridge St, Chinatown
Overheard by: wheelerface
Dad, to teenage son: Hey, Karen kissed me. And it was real.
–E 20th St
Overheard by: Angela
250-pound male Metro worker, singing gruffly: I kissed a girl and I liked it!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Chis K
Little kid to passerby: Poop! Bye bye, poopie!
Obnoxious girl, stopping in middle of street and glaring at kid: Did she just call me a poop? What the hell!
Girl's friend: “Poopie,” not poop.
–Little Italy
