Wednesday See, One-Liner Do

Tourist teen: Scientology? Is that like that crazy Darwinism stuff where they think people are monkeys?

–TKTS

Guy: Well, 20 million years ago you were a monkey too!

–NYC Lab School

Overheard by: T

Teen to friend: So once the car is full of monkey poop, then you trade it in for another one.

–Chelsea

Hobo sitting in subway station: Woman ain't want no man in her bed…she want a monkey in her bed…ooohh ooh oh ahh ahhh ahhh. (makes monkey noises)

–E Train

Overheard by: Ja9

Comedy show hawker: You will all have autism when you're done with this show. And you'll be having sex like monkeys and bunnies.

–Times Square

Overheard by: fluffyautist

Little boy watching monkey, to father: I bet he wouldn't leave his kid at a Wal-Mart.

–Bronx Zoo

Posted on April 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Broadway Shows, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Friends, Guys, Handicaps, Hobos, Kids, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Poop, Questions, Religion, School, Science, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Teens, The Bronx, Time, Times Square, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Just Go to Their Happy Place

Conductor yelling in Indian accent: Please get in the train, it's not that crowded. (door closes and opens again) Get in the freaking train, it's not Mumbai, there is space, and keep you limbs inside the train, please!

–E Train

Overheard by: Ting

Loud man as doors open on a packed rush-hour train: What you need to do is…put out your hand and say, "no, you will not fit." And then, if that don't work, take your umbrella, and open it up.

–4 Train

Seated woman to older lady leaning over her: Lady, back your fupa up!

–F Train

Overheard by: pwolf

Conductor: This train is tooo crowded, folks. There is another train behind us that looks just like this one. Take a look at this train, then wait for something that looks just like it.

–6 Train

Little tourist boy: There are more people in here than in all of New York!

–Dillan's Candy Store

Posted on April 8, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Conductors, Kids, Men, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Store, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Remember How We Used to Do That in the Womb?

Three-year-old boy: This is an iPhone, it can play YouTube videos.
Three-year-old girl: I know.

–Doctor's Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Posted on April 6, 2009
Brooklyn, Internet, iPod, Kids, Office

Just Like I Did.

Japanese toddler: Do they have jail in Japan?
Japanese dad: Yes, they have jail everywhere.
Japanese toddler: I want to go to jail!
Japanese dad: No, you don't. You get killed in jail.

–Grand Central Terminal

Posted on April 6, 2009
Dads, Grand Central, Japanese, Kids, Murder, Prison, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Who Calls Their Doormen “1” and “2”?

Four-year-old: Doorman 1 is fat.
Mom: No he's not. Who said that?
Four-year-old: Doorman 2.
Mom: Well, doorman 2 is wrong. Doorman 1 is just a bigger guy. He's just bigger than doorman 2. He's not fat.
Four-year-old: Yes he is.
Mom: No he's not. Who are you going to believe, me or doorman 2?
Four-year-old: Doorman 2.

–Riverside Drive

Posted on April 5, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Kids, Moms, Parents, Physical appearance, Should've Used a Condom, Street

Spiced With Uninformed Opinion from Around the World!

Little boy near cafe: What's that smell?
Passerby: It's the smell of knowledge!

–Barnes & Noble

Posted on April 5, 2009
Kids, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Strangers

Wednesday-One-Liner Me, Kate

Black lesbian hipster: Don't, like, kiss me or look into my eyes…just fuck me and then buy me lunch.

–Eugene Lang College

Overheard by: Helena the Great

Little boy to sister, watching couple kissing and hugging: Ewwwwww! He kissed her!

–3rd Ave & 34th St

Overheard by: Valley

Guy on cell: So then if she has herpes, should I not kiss her?

–PATH Train

Woman to toddler: Yes, it's good. It's very good. Kissing and hugging are good.

–Eldridge St, Chinatown

Overheard by: wheelerface

Dad, to teenage son: Hey, Karen kissed me. And it was real.

–E 20th St

Overheard by: Angela

250-pound male Metro worker, singing gruffly: I kissed a girl and I liked it!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Chis K

Posted on April 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Chinatown, Clerks, College, Dads, Fat People, Food, Grand Central, Guys, Hipsters, Hugs, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Lesbians, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Sex, Sisters, STDs, Street, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

And I Told You Not to Wear All Brown

Little kid to passerby: Poop! Bye bye, poopie!
Obnoxious girl, stopping in middle of street and glaring at kid: Did she just call me a poop? What the hell!
Girl's friend: “Poopie,” not poop.

–Little Italy

Posted on March 31, 2009
Friends, Girls, Insults, Kids, Little Italy, Poop, Should've Used a Condom, Words

Recession What?

Two-year-old boy: Do you want to see my BlackBerry?
Babysitter: You have a BlackBerry?
Two-year-old boy: Yeah! I have a BlackBerry!

–Lincoln Center

Posted on March 31, 2009
Blackberry, Girls, Kids, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

You'd Better Not Be Writing Your Novel in There!

Man outside stall to presumed child: Okay champ, have you done your business in there?
Very deep voice from stall: Still working on it, thanks!

–Men's Room, Grand Central Station

Posted on March 31, 2009
Grand Central, Kids, Men, Poop, Questions, Strangers, Weirdness

Kids