Wiisday One-Liners

Guy, getting his hair cut: So I spent $150 more than I would have if I got the Wii in the store, 'cause my wife said, "If I don't get Guitar Hero, I will divorce you."

–SoHo

Dork: Don't call it a Gameboy…you're downgrading my PSP.

–The Village

Small Asian kid, pounding the computer mouse in frustration: Where the hell is Carmen Sandiego?!

–Chinese School

40-year-old guy with ten-year-old kid, to GameStop employee: Excuse me, I'm thinking of buying GTA for my son. Is there a way to turn off the profanity?

–GameStop, Park Ave

Overheard by: Jake C.

Angry guy to girlfriend: Look, I get the whole not wanting to have public sex thing, but I don't know if I can be with someone who won't play Wii.

–43rd & Madison

Posted on October 22, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Dads, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Girlfriends, Guys, Idiots, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, One-liners, Questions, Relationships, School, Sex, Soho, Store, Stupidity, The Village, Threats, Video Games, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Who Gets Medical Testing on Vacation?

Four-year-old boy: What's taking so long?
Mom: Well, you know how today you have a vacation from school? Well, a lot of other people have a vacation from work.
(very long pause)
Four-year-old boy: That's crap.

–Waiting Room, LabCorp in Bayside

Overheard by: Mary

Posted on October 21, 2008
Kids, Moms, Queens, Questions, School and studying, Stupidity

Bet You Don't Even Salute the Baby When You Walk Into a Room

Chick, leaning on wall holding baby: Yo, lemme get a cigarette?
Guy, walking out of the train station: Nah, not with that baby in your hand.
Chick: Pssh, I'm not pregnant.
Guy: Not with that baby in your hand, that's disrespectful.

–Queens Boulevard

Overheard by: A Good Reason Not to Have Kids

Posted on October 21, 2008
Girls, Guys, Kids, Offers and requests, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Smoking

Nobody Respects a Wimpy Whiner, Y'know

Teen: I'll get us a cab.
Grandma: Let's just walk, it's only a few blocks from here.
Teen: Are you sure? What about your hip?
Grandma: Well, it hurts, dear, but I'm not going to be a pussy about it.

–57th St

Posted on October 21, 2008
Age/Aging, Body Parts, Handicaps, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People

Parenthood, in a Nutshell

Small boy: I want to go downtown!
Patient mother: We are going downtown.
Small boy: I want to go uptown!

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on October 20, 2008
Kids, Moms, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Should've Used a Condom, Wishes & desires

I Have Considerable Skill at Butt-Crushing

Eight-year-old son to father stubbing out cigarette: Can I do it?
Father: No.
Son: Why not?
Father: Because it's for me to do.
Son: But I know what I'm doing, I'm good at it.

–36th St & 4th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: V

Posted on October 19, 2008
Boys, Dads, Default, Kids, Offers and requests, Questions, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking

At Least It Wasn't a 'Down Low, Too Slow'

Old nerdy father: How many people are in the world?
Toddler: Um…six billion?
Old nerdy father: You're right! (they high five)
Old black lady, passing by: Oh, hell no!

–68th & 2nd

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on October 18, 2008
Black People, Dads, Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Education, Kids, Old People, Questions, Upper East Side, Women

Perception Is Largely a Matter of Consensus

Kid #1, looking at man meditating: Look, it's a statue!
Kid #2: No, it's not!
Kid #1: Yes, it is.
Kid #2: Oh, it is…

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: noseinabook

Posted on October 16, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Kids, Physical appearance, Visual Art, Washington Square Park

If Anyone Was Covert About Killing, It Was the Nazis

(a child sees a man walking in clothes with skulls and bones on them)
Child: Mommy! Can I have clothes like his?
Mom: No, sweetie. Those clothes belong to an underground gang that kill people, just like in the days of Hitler and George Bush.

–Fordham Road

Overheard by: Gus

Posted on October 16, 2008
Clothing, Default, Hitler/Nazis, Kids, Moms, Murder, Politics, Questions, The Bronx

Can You Sell Wednesday One-Liners on the Black Market?

Skater kid: Where's my tongue?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Toast

Guy on bus (shouting from the back of the bus): Driver, you know this bus is not gentle on those who have testicles. I mean there's all these bumps and everything's jumping around.

–B12 Bus

Butch lesbian yelling into phone: How do you think I found out my thyroid wasn't working?

–M14D Bus

Old guy to pretty girl: You have some nice legs. You should be doing stocking commercials. Anyone ever tell you that? (now to himself) Oh, the woes of racism have plagued us from Egyptian times!

–R Train

Stock floor guy on cell: Every time we think this thing is coming to a head, there's another head…how many heads does this thing have?

–Wall St & Broadway

Overheard by: Michael

Woman on cell: The best place for your thighs is around my neck. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is.

–58th & Columbus Circle

Posted on October 15, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Clothing, Compliments, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Lesbians, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sexuality, Skaters, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women