Little girl: Grandma, do people actually live in New York City?
Grandma: Yes, lots of people live in New York City.
Little girl, confused: But… don’t they all not speak American?
Grandma: You’re right, most of them speak Spanish.
–Penn Station
Little girl: Grandma, do people actually live in New York City?
Grandma: Yes, lots of people live in New York City.
Little girl, confused: But… don’t they all not speak American?
Grandma: You’re right, most of them speak Spanish.
–Penn Station
Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day.
–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn
Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.
–Henri Bendel
Overheard by: Stephan Dion
Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.
–Fashion Institute of Technology
Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: ednapontellier
Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.
–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place
Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?
–Broadway & 50th St
Overheard by: Peter
Agitated papi: I love him like a brother, but he a fuckin’ inconsiderate, ungrateful, selfish bastard! And he got a ugly baby!
–14th & University
Overheard by: Manhattman
Young Kid: New York is ugly!
–JFK
Overheard by: Latoya Siratana
Wise teen girl: That’s not giving up on him. That’s letting him fuck uglier girls.
–Brooklyn Bridge
Overheard by: walking the bridge
Giggling little girl in stroller: I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly…!
–Downtown R train
Older woman to complete stranger: You should really stop eating that crap because it’s going to make you uglier than you already are!
–Fairway, W 73rd St
Overheard by: just trying to buy my groceries…
B&T guy: As I was saying, just ’cause you’re ugly, don’t mean you’re smart.
–Lower East Side
Woman #1: …she’s also a lesbian.
Woman #2: Really?
Woman #1: Yeah. She’s a black Jewish lesbian mother.
Woman #2: …What do the kids look like?
–Central Park reservoir track
30-something mom: Darnell, how many times do I gotta tell you not to walk down the stairs on the left side when there’s people coming up?
Nine-year-old: But Maaama, you always tol’ me to make my own path!
–F train platform, W 4th
Dad to four-year-old son: Hey, don't touch that! Don't pick up things off the ground here. I just saw a mouse.
Four-year-old son: You saw a mouse! You are so lucky! I always wanted to see one of those!
Dad, sighing: You don't want to see them, they are dirty.
Son: You're so lucky. Wow! A mouse.
–8th Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Must not be from the village
Mother: How’s your pizza?
Little boy: Okay. It tasted better when I was high.
–Giorgio’s Pizza
Overheard by: ramona
Little kid: Mommy…Mommmmmyyyyyy! I have got to poop!
Mom: Would you please just crap in your pants and quit screaming about it already!
–9th between 1st & A
Overheard by: Katie
20-something hipster to friend, punching him in the arm: Dude, you stole my Facebook status!
–Central Park
Overheard by: dude, just think up a new one!
Cable man to another, standing in line at Wendy's: Yeah, I was across the street at Popeyes, but it looked like some man was going to rob the place, so I came here instead.
–Flatbush & Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Anna
Crazy lady to pigeon: Get outta here! You ain't gonna get none if you beg. You gotta wait for me to give it to you. (throws bread in other direction) That's why you ain't get none. (a few minutes later, she gets up to leave) Alright. It's been real. Thank for not stealing my potato chips.
–Tribeca Park
Four-year-old boy to mom: Mom, when you take chips from my bag without asking, you're stealing. We talked about this. We talked about this at length.
–Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: This girl from NY
Guy on cell: That's the good thing about abortions–you can have like three a day.
–14th St & 6th Ave
Ghetto dude: I told her, I was like "if you get pregnant you best get an abortion, cause I ain't helping you with that shit." I mean, I would help her, but I gotta get that shit in her head.
–N Train
Overheard by: Jill
30-something woman to boyfriend: There be some muthafuckas up in here who think this shit some form of birth control. I'm woman enough; I gave birth to six kids. I ain't doin' it again.
–Abortion Clinic, Queens
Crazy guy on subway, preaching: You know why there's 100 million Mexicans in America? Abortion!
–W Train
