Waiter– There's a Wednesday One-Liner in My Food.

Girl on cell: Wait, so you're telling me this guy has a Mohawk and he doesn't drink?

–Lower East Side

Girl to boyfriend, excitedly: I haven't washed my hair in weeks!

–Waverly & Broadway

Overheard by: MC

Girl to finance boyfriend: No, really, it's okay that you like to gel your hair.

–Outside Tavern on the Green

South Carolina girl: In South Carolina we would call your haircut a mullet, but since you have gel in it, it's called "Long Island hair."

–Hell's Kitchen

Hipster girl on cell: You know your hair is too long when it gets caught in your armpits.

–Central Park

Angry man on cell: That mole! With the hair growing out of it!

–62nd b/w Lexington & 3rd

Overheard by: Laïla

Older woman (after cast runs off naked): I was looking, and I was glad to see that all of the women had hair down there.

–Delacorte Theater, Hair Intermission

Overheard by: Musicn3rd

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Girlfriends, Girls, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Lower East Side, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, On Cell, Private Parts, Questions, Southerners, The Village, Theater, U.S. Geography, Upper East Side, Women

But Did They Have to Name It “The Chubby Cubby”?

Dude #1: So maybe it is a chubby chaser bar… I mean, that's nothing to laugh at, it's only people expressing their heartfelt desires in a safe place.
Dude #2: Yeah, I guess so.

–Essex & Rivington, Lower East Side

Posted on August 11, 2008
Default, Diet/Weight, Guys, Laughter, Lower East Side, Sexuality, Wishes & desires

..now give me a kiss

Girl: Oh my god, I have to go the bathroom again.
Boy: I think you have a problem: you pee a lot.
Girl: Actually, I don’t pee. I have a thing for public restrooms. I like to lick the toilet seat.
Boy: That’s the last time I share a drink with you!

–Ludlow & Houston

Posted on July 18, 2008
Boys, Default, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Lower East Side, Pee, Weirdness

Plus, He’s Slightly More Company Than a Dildo

Guy: So she doesn’t even like him?
Girl: No.
Guy: Well then, why does she stay with him?
Girl: I asked her that too. She said “He’s got a twelve inch cock and he doesn’t hit me. I’m stayin’!”

–Rivington & Allen

Overheard by: Jonathan

Posted on July 18, 2008
Default, Girls, Guys, Lower East Side, Penis, Questions, Relationships, Violence, Weirdness

Like Those Black Girls in the SUV?

(two girls, looking at a sign that says “Stop Crumping”)
Girl #1: Crumping? What is that?!
Girl #2: Crunking? Crimping?
Girl #1: Is there anyone here who can help us?!

–Bard High School Early College

Posted on July 12, 2008
Default, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Lower East Side, Offers and requests, Questions, Words

Joan Rivers: Can We Wednesday One-Liner?

Suit on cell: So what does he think, he’s going to, like, eat scrambled eggs with these people and then they’ll sit down and talk about it?

–Shore Road, Brooklyn

Yankee fan: So, we was talkin’ to him and we was all like: "Let’s go to a bar!" And he was all like: "I like poetry" so the guys pretty much ditched him, so I was left with ‘im, and had to talk about his feelings and shit. It sucked.

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: I like poetry.

Religious flier nut to friend: We can’t talk about that out here because then they’ll know what we’re about.

–Delancey and Ludlow

Overheard by: Adrienne

Student (shouting): Okay, everyone: I’m doing this whole "day of silence" business so none of you better talk to me! I’m not supposed to say anything and I will be so pissed if anyone of you trick me into talking!

–Millennium High School

Overheard by: I’m staying silent…

Hysterical teenage girl on bus: Well, maybe you should have talked about it before you conceived me!

–M34 Bus

Overheard by: nina

Curly-haired chick on cell: I’m glad I can talk to you about my pubes with such ease.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Nipples McFreaky

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Etiquette, Fast Times at New York High, Fears, Flyer people, Food, Friendship, Girls, God Squad, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Leisure, Lower East Side, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Private Parts, Questions, Suits, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Yankee Stadium

Antisemitic Mirror on the Wall/ Who’s the Chubbiest Jew of All?

(in line outside a bar)
Scantily clad chick #1: Ugh, I’m such a chubby Jew!
Scantily clad chick #2: No you’re not, you’re like, so pretty, and you don’t even wear makeup. I’m a chubby Jew!

–Rivington b/w Essex & Norfolk

Overheard by: Harrison

Posted on June 20, 2008
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Girls, Jews, Judaism, Lower East Side, Physical appearance

Like You’re in an Exotic Third-World Country or Something

Girl: So, how many people do you share an apartment with right now?
Guy: Seventeen.
Girl: That’s cool!

–Lower East Side

Posted on June 12, 2008
Default, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Lower East Side, Questions, Stupidity, Weirdness

Smart Money Says the Cheat Sheet Was One Off

Student teacher: Guys! Seriously! Was the Underground Railroad an actual train?
7th graders: No.
Student teacher: Then why did you all circle “true” for number 8: “The Underground Railroad ran on coal”?

–University Neighborhood Middle School

Posted on June 12, 2008
Classroom, Default, Education, History & Geography, Lower East Side, Public Transportation, Questions, School, Students, Teachers/Professors

Wednesday One-Liners (Bow Chicka Bow Bow)

Suit: Do you know what it’s like when you’re reading the news and you get 19 clips of Brazilian women fucking?

–Astor Place & Lafayette

Overheard by: that’s a problem?

Woman to dinner companion: I think I’d like to get into flagellation porn. I’m not really sure how to go about it though.

–Ludlow & Broome

Random girl, during lull in party conversation: But it’s straight porn!

–Bleecker & W 10th

Overheard by: Deontology

Guy: I wouldn’t fuck her if she was the last person on earth! There had better be porn on cable!

–5 Train

Professor: Does anyone know Henry Miller? [Girl raises her hand.] You and those of us… those of us who had to resort to the Sears Roebuck catalog for porn… Well, when we got older we had to turn to higher literature so we’d flip through Henry Miller for delightful dirty passages.

–Religion Class, Hunter College

Overheard by: liza

Posted on June 11, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Classroom, Girls, Guys, Hunter, Internet, Lower East Side, On the Subway, Porn, Questions, S&M, Sexuality, Suits, Teachers/Professors, The Village, TV, Violence, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women