Woman: Who do you think would win a fight between Ann Coulter and Maureen Dowd?
Man: A fight?
Woman: Yeah, you know, a death match.
Man: I’m gonna go with Ann Coulter.
Woman: You think? They both wear long, spikey heels. They could put each other’s eyes out pretty fast.
Man: But Ann Coulter would be like, “Rock on, I’m in a death cage!” And Maureen Dowd would be like, “Wait, what am I doing in a death cage?”
–Alt.Coffee, Avenue A
Girl: But you’re not black.
Guy: You treat me like I’m black.
–Bowery Ballroom, Delancey Street
Overheard by: Christopher R. Weingarten
Street vendor: Hey, you married?
Woman: No.
Street vendor: Hmph. Me neither. If we were married, I would buy you a bag. Since we’re not, it will cost you $5.
–33rd & 6th
Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Girl: Like, my grandmother got stabbed with an ice pick by her brother. And then they were estranged for years.
–Bobst Library, Washington Square South
Maxim staff #1: Yeah, we’re going to make you walk around in a plastic bubble or something.
Maxim staff #2: …NO, that is not THE RIGHT KIND of herpes!
Maxim staff #3: Is there a RIGHT kind of herpes?
–Midtown elevator
Girl #1: I am, like, so sick of eating matzah!
Girl #2: I’m not Jewish, but I like to eat it.
Girl #1: Do you know why the Jews eat matzah at passover?
Girl #2: I think it’s, like, because the Jews were baking bread when the Nazis came and they didn’t have time to wait for it to cook, right?
–Hotel Gansevoort lobby, Meatpacking District
Overheard by: Cynthia Z
Hippy girl: So yeah, we are gonna be living in this yurt for a year without electricity or running water or anything. It’s all about getting back to our roots and stuff.
Guy: No electricity or anything? What if you have to call someone or something?
Hippy girl: I’ll just use my cell phone.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Kelly Ernst
Bus driver: Move to the back of the bus. They’re giving free diamonds in the back of the bus. See that lady in the back for your free diamond.
–M2 bus
Guy: I hate this city. You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a production.
–W 44th, near filming of Spiderman 3
Overheard by: Alex
MTA guy: Let ’em off, let ’em off. It’s just like sex, you gotta get it out to get it in.
–1 train
Overheard by: Andrew Litwin
Black woman: This here is Chelsea. It’s where all the rich homosexuals live.
–18th Street between 7th & 8th
Teenage kid: There are some hot Chinese bitches at this stop, son!
–Fulton Street G station
Overheard by: Thomas Bugarin
Woman: Well, I’m in Soho now…
–Union Square
Overheard by: Davis McDavis
Queer: Oh, I went to Queens once. By accident. I was coming back from La Guardia and the taxi driver said he was taking me on a shortcut.
–Starlight, Avenue A
Overheard by: Lukas
Thug: Next stop: Ghettoville, USA! That’s real America, none of this Japanese-American bullshit. Mmmm…smell that? Smells like the East Village!
–A train
Guy: This is the new Wall Street Times building.
–41st & 8th construction site
Man: See, that’s the one. If I was gonna write it a letter, I would begin, “Dear Ugliest Building in New York City”.
–Westin Hotel, Times Square
Overheard by: Kayla Cagan
Guy on cell: Bond Street? It’s north of Houston Street so it’s not in Soho. But I don’t know what the neighborhood is called.
–City Hall Park
