Suspenders or Belt, Wednesday One-Liners?

Guy: Okay, we can invite him too, but you have to remind him that pants are a requirement, not a mild suggestion.

–Uptown 2 Train

Middle aged man at the end of police show (exhausted from dancing around the suite all night): Wow, I can't believe I kept my pants on!

–MSG Skybox

Overheard by: Russ Beef

Man to friend: And like, man I wasn't gonna drink anything, but I smoked like one hundred blunts and was so high and I was like taking my pants off and shit.

–1 Train

Overheard by: batou187

Ghetto guy to ghetto friends: I remember the day I got my Reeboks like I remember the day that I peed my pants…when I was too old to pee my pants.

–A train

Overheard by: Hannah

Guy on phone: I think that may be slightly humiliating though, if the pants actually come off. And someone feels the chicken cutlets inserted in your underpants for some added power.

–19th & 8th

Overheard by: Joey

Posted on October 1, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Drinks, Guys, Madison Square Garden, Men, Nudity, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pee, Weed, Weirdness

Men and Women Define “Relationship” Differently

Woman: It's almost impossible to have a relationship in this city. I make more than most of the men I find attractive.
Man: If you weren't my boss…I would hit that.
Woman: Yeah but… What?
Man: I'm just say'n.

–59th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: BobbyKane

Posted on September 30, 2008
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Default, Jobs & Careers, Men, Only in New York, Relationships, Upper East Side, Women

My Mom Says Hunger Makes You Pretty

Man collecting money: One penny, one penny! No one should be hungry!
Little child: You're wrong! Stop saying that!

–Waverly & University Place

Overheard by: Obviously a Republican

Posted on September 28, 2008
Default, Food, Homeless, Kids, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Panhandling, The Village

Your Relationship with Your Mom Is Way Too Complex

Drunken woman: So why did you decide to marry her?
Drunken man: Because she just moved in!

–Ayza Wine & Chocolate Bar

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on September 28, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Default, Drunks, Marriage, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness, Women

…Before He Spoils?

Middle-aged woman (excitedly): So I met a great 75-year old man!
Middle-aged man (also excitedly): Are you going to marry him?

–W 13th St b/w 5th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: NYU girl

Posted on September 27, 2008
Age/Aging, Default, Marriage, Men, Questions, Relationships, The Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Bursting with Fruit Flavor

Punk rocker to ghetto chick: Say…you ever been fucked by a smelly guy in a banana suit?

–J Train

Overheard by: Markthrone

Loud, laughing redhead on cell: Ha ha! I'll plant another pear tree, and that will be Tricia!

–W 57th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Brosef to girls (oddly aggressively): Which do you like more, bananas or oranges? Say it!

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Rooting for bananas

Guy on cell: Did you order the poster of the banana?

–Central Park

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Overachiever mom to 5-year-old girl: No, I'm not saying that you have to have a piece of fruit. I'm saying that when we get there, you'll get to choose. It'll be your choice. You can choose fruit or you can choose a granola bar. (pause) Of course, fruit is the healthier choice.

–7th Ave & 26th St

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Heavily tattooed man: So we started playing this game. We shoved grapes up her ass, and she had to drop them in a martini glass.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Housey