200 Wednesday One-Liners, and Nothing to Watch!

Girl on phone (after finding out there was a medical emergency on the first car): Yeah, apparently there's an emergency in the front car. I mean, I just finished watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy, maybe I can help.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Andres

Man to friend: And that's why I like to get stoned and watch the Julia Child show. She's not as shy as you'd think.

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wants to know why!

Crazy man (in a normal voice) Look at the three white women! (in a high falsetto) Let's go shopping! Then let's go fucking! Let's get abortions! Just like Sex and the City!

–Hudson & Charles

Overheard by: lilli

Latina: He was stuck in the garbage can like Screech in a locker.

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: TOD

Hobo walking by Law & Order set: I wanna be on Law & Order. I can play a cop!

–94th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Sargeant Pants

Woman, stopping dead in her tracks in front of a poster for the new version of Beverly hills 90210: Uh oh… Oh no… Uh oh…

–86th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Julia

Posted on October 15, 2008
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Crazies, Fears, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Men, On Cell, Race, Sex, Shopping, Trains Not Subway, TV, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Heights and Inwood, Weed, West Village, Wishes & desires

Scalpel….Scissors….Wednesday One-Liners…

Big black crossdresser: Oh honey, I know that no amount of surgery is going to make me a diva!

–3 Train

Overheard by: Kailee McMahon

Mother to small daughter: Honey, don't forget to wash your hands. (girl scrubs hands for a long time) Honey, you aren't getting ready to perform surgery. Hurry up.

–Women's Bathroom, The Met

Man: He had to have his top hat surgically removed.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kevin

Intern: Latex gloves are for killing people, surgery and dying your hair.

–1501 Broadway

Overheard by: Randi

Loud woman on phone: Yeah, he got his tubes clipped this weekend. He's been fixed! Oh, but don't tell anyone, he doesn't want anybody to know.

–Dunkin Donuts

Girl on cell: How did teaching go? How was the surgery? Did human skin taste good?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: The Poogtastic One

Posted on October 15, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Coworkers, Girls, Gossip, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murder, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Plastic Surgery, Private Parts, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Stall Spies, The Met, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners for the Royal Family

Guy: Yeah, but it's not that hard to keep your mother from having sex with you.

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: V

Man, seriously: If I could marry my daughter I would.

–Duke's Deli, SoHo

Random moviegoer: I have to admit the incest was tastefully done.

–Outside IFC Center

Overheard by: when is it ever?

Suit on cell: I'm in love with my cousin.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sean C.

Very gay man to another: I don't know, I'm just not attracted to him at all! Maybe because he's my brother…

–Greenwich Ave & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Lily Caulfield

Man shouting to friend: Incest free for a whole three weeks! Yeah!

–1 Train

Posted on October 15, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Crime and Punishment, Delis, Family Ties, Guys, Incest, Love, Marriage, Men, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, Queer guys, Soho, Suits, The Village, Washington Heights and Inwood, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

What Kinda Mileage You Get With That Wednesday One-Liner?

Teen girl, calmly: My nigga, I only got one car, and I need that car to kill my momma.

–125th & 5th

Overheard by: Caroline

Loud Eastern European man to older guy: If I get you car, you get me woman. Woman for fucking! (gestures a jackhammer motion)

–Union Square

Overheard by: BK

Surprised woman: $15,000? Tonya! For $15,000 you could've bought a car, gone to a psychologist and finally learned how to drive!

–Park Ave & 39th St

Girl on cell: He drove his truck into the pool. No…he drove his truck into the pool. So, I just hope it's not because he was doing something stupid.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Pretty Sure He Was Doing Something Stupid

Man on bike on cell: There ain't no peanut butter in the car.

–West 4th & Sullivan St.

Overheard by: Anna P.

Screaming guy, sticking head out of cab during traffic jam: Fucking three inches per hour!

–Greene St, SoHo

Overheard by: seb

Posted on October 15, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Food, Foreigners, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murder, Offers and requests, On Cell, Parents, Sex, Soho, Stupidity, Teens, Time, Washington Square Park, Women

Does It Burn When You Wednesday One-Liner?

Girl playing extreme edition of Would You Rather:Okay: would you rather Joe with a 75% chance of a non-treatable STD or Luke with a 12% chance of pregnancy?

–R Train

Asian girl during Rent intermission: Oh wait, so they all have AIDS? Is that why they're all taking pills all the time? I didn't understand that. But you can't die from AIDS, right? I mean, if you like lived in a bubble forever, you would never die from it, right?

–Nederlander Theater

Man, emphatically: Look, you don't even have to worry about HIV, just take 200 milligrams of Vitamin C.

–89th & Broadway

Hipster girl: Me and my STDs are like Angelina Jolie's kids… Gotta get one from every country!

–Broome St

Overheard by: Kate

Hipster to friend: Thank god AIDS wasn't in Africa yet when I was there, I wouldn't have fucked anybody.

–Classroom, NYU

Young woman on cell: Yeah, I know. (pause) So you don't mind if I have herpes, right?

–71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills, Queens

Overheard by: Tara

Posted on October 15, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Hipsters, Lower Manhattan, Medicine, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Questions, Sex, STDs, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

Thanks, but I Avoid Intimacy With Gay-Bashers

Screaming man to mumbling teen: Yo, that some faggot ass shit! That's why I say, you want to suck some fuckin' dick?

–209th St & Perry Ave

Overheard by: rachel

Posted on October 12, 2008
BJs, Creepsters, Default, Insults, Men, Offers and requests, The Bronx, Weirdness

So How's Your Family? And When'd You Get the Dick?

Man: What the fuck are you doing in here?
Woman: I'm sorry, I just had to pee.
Man: Holy shit! I can't fucking believe it. The first time I see my ex-wife in forty years is in a men's bathroom.

–Picnic House Men's Room, Prospect Park

Posted on October 10, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Marriage, Men, Parks, Pee, Questions, Stall Spies, Time, Weirdness, Women

Which Is, Incidentally, Also My Rapper Name

Man: Hey, is that postcard in 3D?
Woman: Nope. It's just normal d.

–JFK

Posted on October 9, 2008
At the Airport, Default, JFK Airport, Men, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Stupidity, Women, Words

Three Blind Wednesday One-Liners

Homeless man, watching cute little mouse: That mouse is aggressive! It'll attack you if provoked.

–Central Park

Concerned Long Island tween, pointing at a rat in the tracks: Oh my god, how did a squirrel get in here? Seriously, we should help it.

–W 4th St Station

Father to daughters, with head cocked up listening to dark void in the platform: Hear that, girls? The rats are playing.

–96th & Broadway Subway Platform

Overheard by: sueinthecity

Random blond chick: I don't wanna be the fricking mouse.

–Asian Restaurant, Chinatown

Dude: I was raised with rodents.

–Hunter College

Eight-year-old Italian kid to another: Hey, you know that bracelet you got at the feast? The next day I saw a mouse with it around his neck, swear to god!

–Lorimer & Maujer, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Natalya Petrovna

Posted on October 8, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Boys, Central Park, Chinatown, Dads, Education, Fashion, Girls, Guys, Homeless, Hunter, Italians, Kids, Men, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Stupidity, Tweens, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires