Man: I'll give you the shirt off my back!
Woman: I don't want your shirt. I give you shirts! Why would I take it back?
(pause)
Man (singing): “We are the champions, we are the champions…”
–L Train
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Man: I'll give you the shirt off my back!
Woman: I don't want your shirt. I give you shirts! Why would I take it back?
(pause)
Man (singing): “We are the champions, we are the champions…”
–L Train
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Man #1: I don't want to take it in the ass.
Man #2: What does it matter? Everybody is taking it in the ass.
–28th St & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: danny
Teen girl: Oh, I love your nose! What nationality are you?
Middle aged man: Pardon?
Teen girl: I mean, where were you born?
Middle aged man: USA.
Teen girl: What?
Middle aged man: The United States.
Teen girl: (looks confused)
Middle aged man: …of America?
–L Train
Woman on cell: I didn't take a bath with your dog!
–Long Island Railway
Overheard by: Jeff
Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: bih.
Very loud crackhead to nobody in particular: Today is great day…I got my pussy washed and I got new crutches.
–14th St
Overheard by: Cuttie
Middle aged man to another: I miss seeing my wife do squats while cleaning the tub.
–Central Park Loop
Overheard by: Nick Kinling
Woman with awful red lipstick: I am too lazy to shower. Ooh! Did I tell you I discovered dry shampoo?
–Broadway & 112th
Overheard by: do us a favor and bathe
Teenage girl to another: I don't know what the fuck he's talking about…I wash my titties everyday with Lever2000.
–D Train
Overheard by: Derrick Walker
20-something on cell: So yeah, I hit a new low. So you know how I had sex with Dan, Steve and Dave? Well, I totally just handled my friend from work who is married and we did it in his daughter's bed. If that doesnt say I'm crazy, I dont know what does? (pause) Are you kidding me? His wife never gives it up, that man busted four times in a matter of minutes.
(pause). Well, that's now four men this week who said I have the best pussy they've had.
–159th & Broadway
Overheard by: morgan
Girl: She was fucking everybody in this city–and no one even liked her!
–Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: bRonwyn
20-something man to girlfriend: You're a grown woman! I can't help it if you're a whore!
–7 Train
Overheard by: becky z-dub
Girl on cell: Wait, so you and Skylar are dating now? Ahh, so exciting! (pause) No, you didn't already tell me. You said that you woke up next to him. Since when does that mean you're dating someone?
–Bedford & 8th
20-something blonde on phone: All those people who laugh and snigger at you only do it because they too have experienced the walk of shame.
–Christopher & Bleecker
Man on phone: I can't be constantly wondering who you're sleeping with! I tell you, I'm tired, I'm old, and I can't do what I'm supposed to do. I'm a good 60, but I ain't good enough to be waking up everyday and chasing you around!
–Coffee shop, Crown Heights
Overheard by: Eric
Hipster on cell: I don't see what's so wrong with going up to someone on the street and saying, "hey, what's up? Let's fuck!" I do it all the time!
–Great Hall, Cooper Union
Overheard by: NYUTSOA12
Young wanna-be-badass teen: I hate yuppies!
Man: I hate 14-year-olds!
Young wanna-be-badass teen: Me too!
Man: So, what, you're 13?
Young wanna-be-badass teen: Yeah.
Man: I was close.
–F Frain
Overheard by: ames
Large black lesbian to friends going into a sex shop: I don't wanna see no dildos unless I'm being fucked!
–Greenwich Village
Overheard by: J.D.
Mormon girl, loudly agreeing with friend: Yeah, I know, I know! I didn't even know what a dildo was until I got here! Like, freshman year!
–Outside Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: But what about a vibrator?
Loudest black girl in group of loud black teens: What I recommend, to every fuckin' nigga, is the vibratin' cock ring.
–14th St, Outside Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Now curious about cockrings
Loud tourist girl: But Susan's butt-plug was only $75.
–Orchard & Rivington
Overheard by: MattyB
Man with thick Brooklyn accent on cell: I got the thing…yes the fuckin thing for the thing…yes, but I'm tellin' you the fuckin thing is definitely not big enough for her.
–31st St & 7th Ave
30-something woman to friend: So, between the time I got back from the meeting and the time you called me, I used my vibrator three times. (pauses and realizes everyone on the train is listening) Oh. Did I say that really loudly?
–D Train
Old Jewish woman at the start of Yom Kippur: I think god wants me to be in a theater rather than in temple.
–45th & 8th
Little boy to friend: It wasn't until last year that I realized that not everybody is Jews!
–Near Columbia
Overheard by: CSims
Gym receptionist discussing television series Mad Men: It's sexist against women…and Jews, too!
–10th & 7th
Overheard by: Zack
Elderly Jewish woman, in hushed voice, to elderly Jewish man: My rabbi is an atheist who lives in Israel! What can you say?
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Rabbi's Agnostic daughter
Goyish looking guy with toddler in stroller: Well, you know the Hebrews always like to celebrate the New Year–especially in a year that ends in '69, if you know what I mean.
–Mercer & Broome
Overheard by: Garuda
Woman on cell: We're on the bus run by Hassidic Jews, ya know, like Woody Allen… It's like the Jewish express!… Nah, I'm covering up the phone so no one hears me.
–Vamoose Bus, Penn Station
Bearded man to hippie woman: I'm married, you're married, my ex-girlfriend's married, and we're holding hands!
Hippie woman: Weeeeee!
–University Place & 10th St
Overheard by: Murphy
Guy, getting his hair cut: So I spent $150 more than I would have if I got the Wii in the store, 'cause my wife said, "If I don't get Guitar Hero, I will divorce you."
–SoHo
Dork: Don't call it a Gameboy…you're downgrading my PSP.
–The Village
Small Asian kid, pounding the computer mouse in frustration: Where the hell is Carmen Sandiego?!
–Chinese School
40-year-old guy with ten-year-old kid, to GameStop employee: Excuse me, I'm thinking of buying GTA for my son. Is there a way to turn off the profanity?
–GameStop, Park Ave
Overheard by: Jake C.
Angry guy to girlfriend: Look, I get the whole not wanting to have public sex thing, but I don't know if I can be with someone who won't play Wii.
–43rd & Madison
