Movies

Wednesday One-Liners Are Real, and They’re Spectacular

Suit: … But then I’d just be one big, walking boob!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: uh what?

Hipster chick: Oh my god, I know! Chad told me I have to show him my boobs before we graduate, and that’s, like, only a month away!

–118th & Broadway

Overheard by: sapphirebluemica

Ghetto tourist man looking at Maidenform billboard: Breasts! Breasts on a billboard!

–35th & 7th

Overheard by: Moses

19-year-old girl: I am not leaving here without black ballet flats and breasts.

–Bathroom line, Macy’s

Little boy: Look, Mommy, Shrek has titties!

–AMC, Bay Plaza

Overheard by: Mel & Damee

Boyfriend to angry girlfriend: I didn’t say you had an awkward body! I said you had awkward breasts!

–Camp, Cobble Hill

…And, by the Smell Of It, It Wasn't “Almost”

(possessed girl walks on hands downstairs during midnight showing of The Excorcist)
Awkward guy to chick he's with: Haha, I almost pissed myself!
(she doesn't respond)
Awkward guy, again: Haha, I almost pissed myself!
Drunk dude: We heard you the first time, buddy!

–Loew Village Theater

Stupid Diversity

Scraggly white dude #1: What’s The Host? I want to see that shit.
Scraggly white dude #2: What about this one — The Wire?
Scraggly white dude #1: Nah, I don’t like all that black people, drug dealing, hip hop shit.
Scraggly white dude #2: Yeah, me neither — like that movie Jungle Fever.

–F train platform

Overheard by: Leif

Please Silence Your Phone During the Wednesday One-Liners

Preppy girl: I really loved that movie. I thought it was titillating… And not just because there was cock and balls. I don’t care about that.

–Third Avenue

Guy to self: Brokeback mountain… Starring Hillary Clinton!

–Herald Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Worst Movie Ever

Doofette: I mean like I know it got the Oscar and all, but I thought "No Country for Old Men" was pretty boring. I have to admit though the choreography was amazing.

–SoHo

Thug, peddling pile of DVDs: Ghetto Blockbuster! I am your ghetto Blockbuster! I got movies, CDs, porno. [Another group of customers walks in.] I got that action, comedy, romance and I got that pussy! I am your friendly neighborhood ghetto Blockbuster.

–24 Hour McDonalds, Water & Moore

Overheard by: BigKahuna&BigRed

Creepy hipster: You’d think you can’t have sex to "Silence of the Lambs"…

–Huron St, Greenpoint

Overheard by: sweetchuck

Dude on cell: If you like murder, you’re gonna love this movie!

–48 Bus

Whatever Happened to Randy Newman?

Dad: What’s this movie about? Squirrels?
Son, sarcastically: Yeah, evil squirrels. That’s why they call it Happy Feet.
Dad: I get my kids’ movies confused. But they all have a hedgehog. [About hip hop song intro] Those aren’t lyrics — he’s just rhyming.

–Lincoln Plaza IMAX

What Does Being a Teenager Feel Like, Alex?

Male student #1: It was like that movie where Reese Witherspoon gets finger-banged on the roller coaster.
Male student #2: Oh, yeah, definitely.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Curious, yet horrified

Po-tay-toe, Po-tah-toe

Guy #1: So in that movie Cloverfield I heard it was a monster.
Guy #2: Yeah, all the blogs say it's a monster. That would be totally funny if it was Britney Spears.

–M15 Bus

Don’t Waste Your Limited Attention Span, Sweetie

Salesgirl: Can I help you?
Teen in short skirt and chewing gum: Um, hi. I’m looking for a book called, um, um, ‘The Da-something Code.’
Salesgirl: The Da Vinci Code?
Teen in short skirt and chewing gum: Yeah, something.

–Barnes & Noble

Well Baby, I Went Down and Got It For You

Guy: Hey, isn’t that the painting from the Titanic?
Girlfriend: That is not even a possibility.
Guy: [looks confused] Well then, it’s one of them. And look! It was made in 1917!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Yeah, Attack of the 5-inched Pipelaying Retard

Pipelayer #1: I need four more inches.
Pipelayer #2: If I had four more inches, I’d be makin’ movies.

–Bergen Street station

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