Movies

The Culture of Wednesday One-liners

Woman on cell: I don’t think people know why they go to museums. They mostly go so they can tell their friends later, “Oh, yeah, I went to the Metropolitan today.”

–West 53rd between 5th & 6th

Suit: Foie gras? You’ve got to be kidding, it’s not even in season! I don’t have the money for that! I just spent $50 on boxers!

–34th & 5th

Dude: I can’t respect a guy who does capoeira.

–University & 14th

Overheard by: Kim

Reporter: She saw a Pauly Shore movie and that made her want to join the Army? Wow!

–Daily News offices, W. 33rd Street

Woman: Remember, you break it you buy it.

–Fine china section, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: jen wik

Kylie is Spinning in Her Grave

Gay #1: Have you ever seen Road Trip?
Gay #2: What?
Gay #1: Road Trip. Have you see it?
Gay #2: Yes.
Gay #1: I wanna dance like that.

–LaGuardia

Wednesday One-Liners Have 23 Intelligence, but 6 Charisma

Fat college guy on cell: I only read books with robot insects on the cover. If it doesn’t have robot insects, I slap a sticker on. Pride and Prejudice? Robot insects on the cover makes it better.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: Ferry

Guy to friend: Look, the root of the problem is that you have a shrine dedicated to semi-colons in your closest! I don’t care if they’re the god of all punctuation marks, that’s just weird!

–Stuyvesant High School

Metrosexual: I’m fairly certain that I’ve read every single fantasy series that has dragons in it.

–Stuyvesant Town

Overheard by: Karin

Ghetto chick: Nah, all I’m sayin’s is that even if you look like Steve Urkel, as long as you got the brain of Steve Urkel, you good with me.

–Jamaica-bound F train

Overheard by: Floyd

Leader of pack of teen boys dressed up like Star Trek characters: I didn’t say it was a good planet…

–Tuxedo Renaissance Festival

Overheard by: Murray

Wednesday One-Liners Are Real, and They’re Spectacular

Suit: … But then I’d just be one big, walking boob!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: uh what?

Hipster chick: Oh my god, I know! Chad told me I have to show him my boobs before we graduate, and that’s, like, only a month away!

–118th & Broadway

Overheard by: sapphirebluemica

Ghetto tourist man looking at Maidenform billboard: Breasts! Breasts on a billboard!

–35th & 7th

Overheard by: Moses

19-year-old girl: I am not leaving here without black ballet flats and breasts.

–Bathroom line, Macy’s

Little boy: Look, Mommy, Shrek has titties!

–AMC, Bay Plaza

Overheard by: Mel & Damee

Boyfriend to angry girlfriend: I didn’t say you had an awkward body! I said you had awkward breasts!

–Camp, Cobble Hill

…And, by the Smell Of It, It Wasn't “Almost”

(possessed girl walks on hands downstairs during midnight showing of The Excorcist)
Awkward guy to chick he's with: Haha, I almost pissed myself!
(she doesn't respond)
Awkward guy, again: Haha, I almost pissed myself!
Drunk dude: We heard you the first time, buddy!

–Loew Village Theater

Stupid Diversity

Scraggly white dude #1: What’s The Host? I want to see that shit.
Scraggly white dude #2: What about this one — The Wire?
Scraggly white dude #1: Nah, I don’t like all that black people, drug dealing, hip hop shit.
Scraggly white dude #2: Yeah, me neither — like that movie Jungle Fever.

–F train platform

Overheard by: Leif

Please Silence Your Phone During the Wednesday One-Liners

Preppy girl: I really loved that movie. I thought it was titillating… And not just because there was cock and balls. I don’t care about that.

–Third Avenue

Guy to self: Brokeback mountain… Starring Hillary Clinton!

–Herald Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Worst Movie Ever

Doofette: I mean like I know it got the Oscar and all, but I thought "No Country for Old Men" was pretty boring. I have to admit though the choreography was amazing.

–SoHo

Thug, peddling pile of DVDs: Ghetto Blockbuster! I am your ghetto Blockbuster! I got movies, CDs, porno. [Another group of customers walks in.] I got that action, comedy, romance and I got that pussy! I am your friendly neighborhood ghetto Blockbuster.

–24 Hour McDonalds, Water & Moore

Overheard by: BigKahuna&BigRed

Creepy hipster: You’d think you can’t have sex to "Silence of the Lambs"…

–Huron St, Greenpoint

Overheard by: sweetchuck

Dude on cell: If you like murder, you’re gonna love this movie!

–48 Bus

Whatever Happened to Randy Newman?

Dad: What’s this movie about? Squirrels?
Son, sarcastically: Yeah, evil squirrels. That’s why they call it Happy Feet.
Dad: I get my kids’ movies confused. But they all have a hedgehog. [About hip hop song intro] Those aren’t lyrics — he’s just rhyming.

–Lincoln Plaza IMAX

What Does Being a Teenager Feel Like, Alex?

Male student #1: It was like that movie where Reese Witherspoon gets finger-banged on the roller coaster.
Male student #2: Oh, yeah, definitely.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Curious, yet horrified

Po-tay-toe, Po-tah-toe

Guy #1: So in that movie Cloverfield I heard it was a monster.
Guy #2: Yeah, all the blogs say it's a monster. That would be totally funny if it was Britney Spears.

–M15 Bus

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