Girl: We aren’t underground, are we?
Guy: Look over there; there’s the sun.
–2 train
Overheard by: Wally
Girl: We aren’t underground, are we?
Guy: Look over there; there’s the sun.
–2 train
Overheard by: Wally
Guy #1: Yeah, I really like her but she’s already got three kids.
Guy #2: With how many guys?
Guy #1: I don’t know, three or four.
–1 train
Overheard by: crumbr
Drunk guy #1: Hey, how come we never banged our neighbor?
Drunk guy #2: Because she’s 17 years old!
Drunk guy #1: OK, then why didn’t we bang her mom?
Drunk guy #2: Because we’re faggots!
Drunk guy #1: OK, then why haven’t we banged each other?
–V train
Drunk old guy: That’s a very nice dress… You’re a very beautiful woman. If I were thirty years younger, I–
Woman: –Would wear this dress?
–A train
Overheard by: Kirk
Little girl to mother: I like the way you taste.
–SoHo
Overheard by: nicky d
Dude on cell: Mice are cannibalizing other mice? Oh, god, that’s awful!
–7 train, Queens
Overheard by: Anthony
Goth chick to another: I don’t care, I am not eating Matthew’s mother’s flesh!
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Me neither
Ghetto dude: Heh, heh… Heh… Fried nigga-fingers!
–13th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Rebecca Odorisio
Ghetto girl to two others: He said he was gonna marinate me for a while… Yes, he did!
–Manhattan-bound E train
Overheard by: Julz
Chick on cell: We’ll never run for office on the conservative Christian ticket now that we’ve discussed eating fetuses with teriyaki sauce.
–Harlem
Woman: This is my favorite part…of the worst song ever.
–MTV Studios, Times Square
Man on cell: No, it is not like the time I farted at Target and blamed in on that old woman!
–22nd & Park
Overheard by: Bill Ray
Drunken yuppie guy: I want my Subway sandwich! I want my Subway sandwich! Tuna and onions! Yeah, you heard me. Girls love big cocks. Girls love big cocks! These girls know. I’m on…I’m on Comedy Central! I’m a redneck on Comedy Central! My name is Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! I’m from Texas where girls suck cock for a dime!
–32nd & 2nd
Woman: Did you hear Cooter wouldn’t endorse that remake?
–7 train
Overheard by: Todd Horan
Guy: God, I feel like I’m trapped in a fucking Hallmark Card.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Shoshana
Latina: …and he looks evil and the Princess is saying to him, “You are a good person” and he looks so evil and then she is with Obi King Wasabi and he said he is on the dark side and then the shorty guy–what is his name?–Yoga said, “He is on the dark side” and then Dark Wader he is with the cape and looks all angry and evil reminded me of me on Mondays.
–58th & Lexington
Overheard by: Brandy Rowell
Confused student #1: We've only got 1 minute to get to first period.
Confused student #2: What time is it?
Confused student #1, looking at watch: It's 8:01 and class starts at 8:02.
Confused student #2: No, it starts at 8:08. And my watch says it's 7:55.
Confused student #1: Really? I'm so tired I didn't remember.
Confused student #2: Why are you tired?
Confused student #1: I don't know. I woke up on the floor this morning.
Confused student #2: On the floor? Why were you on the floor?
Confused student #1: I don't know. I went to sleep in my bed and woke up on the floor.
Confused student #2: That sucks. I woke up in the bathtub once.
Confused student #1: What would be worse is waking up on the toilet.
Confused student #2: I couldn't imagine that.
–7 Train
Overheard by: Yoteh
Woman: I can’t tell Matt Dillon and his brother apart.
Man: I know! I thought it was Matt Dillon on Entourage.
Woman: It is Matt Dillon on Entourage.
Man: No, it’s his brother!
Woman: Nooo, it’s Matt Dillon…
Man: Wait, is it?
–1 train, 14th St
Overheard by:
Female yuppie #1: … And it was smeared all over the walls of the stall!
Female yuppie #2: Oh my god, that is so disgusting.
Female yuppie #1: Yeah, I can’t believe someone would do that at work.
Female yuppie #2: I can’t believe someone would do that ever!
–South-bound G train
Overheard by: Kevin
Girl #1: She is like, mad flat.
Girl #2: I know, right?
Girl #1: So I hear that she wears two pairs of pants to make her butt look bigger!
–A train
