Wednesday One-Liners Burn, Baby, Burn

Queer: Hanging out with him is like doing charity work.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: J. Ann

Ghetto girl to thug: You can’t touch this. Keep reminiscin’, mothafucka.

–106th & Columbus

Overheard by: Shmoop

Guy on cell: I’ll be real with you, man. I know more than you. I know a lot more than you.

–17th & 5th

Altruist: He’s really nice so I just fake it sometimes.

–Elevator, 120 Wall St

Overheard by: Aubrie

Teen girl: She did what? Oh my God, she is, like, so off my top 8.

–1 train

Queer: Well, I do like the person you want to be.

–Washington & Charles

Loud chick: Who knows how he lucked out into marrying her? I’m just always thinking, lady, you are hot, and yet you married an Ewok.

–Starbucks, 71st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Posted on March 30, 2015
Beauty, Friendship, Ghetto Chicks, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Marriage, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, People, Pop Culture, Queers, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Starbucks, Teens, The Village, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

According to Unsupported Facts Monthly

Girl #1: You know a lot of gays are really straight.
Girl #2: How so?
Girl #1: Most of them want kids.

–Downtown 1 Train

Posted on March 30, 2015
Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Kids, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sexuality, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

If a Fake Snake Licks You, Run

Girl: Is that a snake on your head?
Man: Yeah, you want it to lick you?
Girl: Is it real?
Man: Yeah.
Girl: Then okay.

–6 train

Posted on March 29, 2015
Animals & Nature, Girls, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Talking/Convos

The Prayer Dr. Phil Says for Oprah Every Night

Black queer: Bitch, you better shut up, because Shana does so much more than you.
Fag hag: Oh no, I'm not dissing Shana at all–I love that bitch.
Black queer: I know, right? Shana is amazing. I'm so glad she's not dead.
Fag hag: Me too.
Black queer: So glad she's not dead. God bless her sassy black ass.

–1 Train

Posted on March 29, 2015
Ass, Black People, Death, Fag Hags, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Queers, Weirdness

You Should Hear What They Say About You Guys

Suit #1: How do you say S-H-I-I-T-E?
Suit #2: Shee-ite.
Suit #1: God, I’ve been saying S-H-I-T all this time.

–F train

Posted on March 29, 2015
Education, Idiots, On the Subway, Questions, Suits, Words

Coming Soon to a Theater Near You

Guy #1: Hey, answer me seriously, what would you do if one day I killed our neighbor?
Guy #2: I would turn into a giant penis and spray semen all over the city.

–A train

Posted on March 28, 2015
Body Parts, Death, Getting Off, On the Subway, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Violence

Unless Anybody Wants to See Me Strip?

(teen comes onto train and does the whole spiel about selling M&Ms for his school, walks up and down the car, no one buys anything)
Teen: I'm also selling weed.
Guy: Really?
Teen: No. But I should go back to dealing, this shit doesn't pay.

–A Train

Overheard by: Graham Davis

Posted on March 28, 2015
Crime and Punishment, Guys, Money & Class, On the Subway, Passengers, Teens, Vendors & Street Performers, Weed

Wednesday One-Liners Haven’t Met Most Of Their Friends

Yuppie: I don’t google enough.

–F Train, 7th Ave

Overheard by: imaginexrach

Girl on cell: Not being on Facebook is ruining my life!

–NYU Bus

Overheard by: Asian Kid

Assistant on phone, about her 17-year-old daughter’s MySpace page: I find it interesting that she and her friend Shannon have the same friend listed. Some 32-year-old guy in California named Tom!

–Office on 42nd & Madison

Overheard by: herspace

Man: I’m going to go home and e-mail some shameless bitches.

–8th St & Broadway

Grad student at computer, dolefully: Without right-click I just don’t know what to do with the world.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on March 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Computer, Facebook, Girls, Google, Internet, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Myspace, NYU, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Students, The Village, Yuppies

She Is Pretty Fat, Though

Thug, quietly to young girlfriend: Get it, get it. (then loudly to woman about to steal the seat) Miss, she's pregnant! Miss, she's pregnant! (to girlfriend) Show her your belly. Nah, just playin, she just fat.
Woman: That's… not nice.

–A Train

Posted on March 28, 2015
Diet/Weight, Girlfriends, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Thugs, Women

Well It's Not Like Everybody Loves Him

Ghetto girl #1: Raymond is gay.
Ghetto girl #2: No wonder he kisses like a bitch!
Ghetto girl #1: Maybe he don't like those rough-ass African lips…

–5 Train

Overheard by: wink

Posted on March 28, 2015
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Gays and Lesbians, Ghetto Chicks, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, On the Subway

On the Subway