20-ish guy: Hi, I’m Pete.
Teen chick: Hi, I’m Karen.
20-ish guy: I’m normally really shy, but being as how I am on this train, and you are on this train, I figured I’d introduce myself. Do you have a boyfriend?
Teen chick: No.
20-ish guy: Great! I don’t have a girlfriend, either — we just broke up. Where are you heading?
Teen chick: Court.
20-ish guy: That’s great! I just came from court myself!
–A train
Overheard by: Kris, who got off at W4th
Spunky gay boy: It’s not like I go into the bathroom to nap… But when you’re pooping it’s just, you know, relaxing, and when I start to read on the pot I’m like Pavlov’s dog and I get sleepy!
Skeptical fag hag: That’s no excuse for falling asleep naked on my toilet bowl.
Spunky gay boy: Right.
–C train, Hoyt-Schermerhorn St
Headline by: Gold StaR
Runners-Up:
· “But Thanks For The Highest Rated Youtube Hidden Cam Video.” – Veronica
· “I’m Surprised You Can Do It Away from the Home…I Thought Your People Were Like Cats.” – ImmaculatePizza
· “Pavlov’s Log” – Brian G
· “Ring, Ring. Plop, Plop” – Chris
· “The Roofies I Gave You, Now THAT’s an Excuse.” – Duncan Pflaster
· “Then Whats Your Excuse for Doing It on Mine?” – Lezbotron
Girl: This can’t be good. It says ‘Phenylketonurics: Contains phenylalanine.’
Guy #1: Isn’t that a vegetable?
Guy #2: No, it’s okay. It’s Italian.
–3 train
Overheard by: Jessica
Crazy man dressed like a King: Everyone, I just bought the sun! So if you don't mind, I'd like a hundred dollars an hour if you're using my sunlight.
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
MTA track worker to another: Why does everybody wanna die tonight, Eric? Is there a full moon or something?
–49th St Station
Overheard by: Jon A.
Man talking to himself on imaginary cellphone: There will never be peace until the planet explodes. Then there will be peace. (pause) Yes, I took my medication today.
–R Train
Overheard by: Matt Giella
Guy in line for a play: I don't take my sunglasses off because the sun never sets on a badass
–41st & 7th
Overheard by: clara
Teen thug to another: He said he likes sunsets. Who says he likes sunsets?
–Macon & Marcy, Brooklyn
Overheard by: g
Co-ed: And Galileo's like, "Saturn has rings!" And Kepler's like, "Oh my god, really?" And Galileo's like, "Ya, really!"
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Concerned woman: I just worry that the Messiah will come and I won't be Jewish yet.
Friend: Mmm…
Concerned woman: I mean, I just really hope I'm Jewish by next Yom Kippur.
Friend: Yeah.
–F Train
Overheard by: dee
Girl #1: Who is Tom Cruise anyway?
Girl #2: Just some old guy.
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Adrienne Brand
Drunk muscular hipster, after walking into a glass door (shouting): Yeah, you can laugh at me now, but you won't be laughing when I take my story to Fox News, jerk-wads!
–L Train
Overheard by: Tom in Bushwick
Man #1: Hey, hey! Who do you think you are?
Woman #1: Excuse me?
Man #1: You! Get that bag off the seat!
Woman #2: Leave her alone.
Man #1: Shut up! She has her fucking bag on the seat! Nobody’s better than anyone else. We’re all people. She shouldn’t take up two fucking seats!
Man #2: Nobody wants to sit next to you, so you’re taking up two seats, too.
–A train
Father: How was school today?
Little girl: Didn’t have school today, it was Saturday.
Father: Oh. What about tomorrow?
Little girl: No, that’s Sunday.
Father: Oh.
Little girl: Are we taking a taxi?
Father: No.
Little girl: Good.
–Queens bound F train
Overheard by: djingo
Black girl: I can’t believe we just went to the hospital to find out that your cat has no sex.
White girl: What?
Black girl, louder: That your cat has no sex!
White girl: Oh, yeah! I can’t believe my male cat has no penis!
–3 train
Overheard by: office peon
Headline by: Garrett Berg
Runners-Up:
· “Cat: Why don’t you just announce it to the whole goddamn train!” – morgz
· “Garfield and the angry itch” – jeff
· “I think I’ll call him Neuter Gingrich” – SNA
· “The Penis Makes the Pussy” – Adam
