On the Subway

Teen #1: Aaww, don't worry…
Teen #2: Be happy?
Teen #1: Yeah!
Teen #2: Where did that start anyway?
Teen #3: Some old commercial.

–Q Train

Overheard by: A bit saddened

Boyfriend: Don't do that. Hey, you just sexually abused me!
Girlfriend: Yeah, but you liked it.

–L Train

Overheard by: Kait

Guy #1: Yeah, I was at the national unicycling convention.
Guy #2: It's sad that you couldn't put your skills to use… You could be a stuntman, or a sex slave. But no! You said, “Daddy, I want a unicycle!”

–F Train

Four-year-old boy: Mommy, why don’t nobody look at each other on the train?
Mother: ‘Cause they ugly.

–G train

Little boy: Why do I have to pee in a cup?
Mom: For a test.
Little boy: For a test? Do I have to drink it?

–A train

Thugette #1: You can take that shit and shove it up your fucking rear end.
Thugette #2: “Rear end”? Why don’t you say “ass”, motherfucker? “Ass”!
Thugette #1: We’re on a fucking train!

–A train

Conductor: Next stop, the street formerly known as Prince Street.

–R train

Overheard by: Rachel Kolb

Girl #1: He did what you told him to do?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: So you stabbed him?
Girl #2: With scissors.
Girl #1: You can’t do that!

–G train

Girl #1: You know how I knew I was back home? I saw a Duane Reade.
Girl #2: Yeah, they don’t have those out there.
Girl #1: No, actually, you know how I knew I was home? I saw a crackhead on my block jerking off as he was walking. Then, I was like, ‘Yeah, I’m home.’

–6 train near 23rd St

Overheard by: Kathy

Daughter: Mommy, I think I can spell “funky.” F-u-c-k-y.
Dad: No, that's… that's a bad word.
Mom: No, honey, funky is spelled f-u-n-c-k-y.

–7 Train