Male Columbia student: So did she give you the recommendation, or what?
Female Columbia student: Yeah, I wasn’t sure that she liked me that much… But then apparently she told them I walk on water in six-inch heels!
–1 Train
Male Columbia student: So did she give you the recommendation, or what?
Female Columbia student: Yeah, I wasn’t sure that she liked me that much… But then apparently she told them I walk on water in six-inch heels!
–1 Train
Tween girl #1: I’m gonna call that number 1-800-DIVORCE. I want to divorce my parents.
Tween boy: You can’t divorce your parents, stupid. Can you marry your parents? No!
Tween girl #1: Technically, technically you can but that’s just sick.
Tween girl #2: You’re not really divorcing your parents. It’s more like they giving up they rights.
Tween girl #1: Look, I call it divorcing your parents because that’s what they called it on The Simpsons so that’s why I say it.
–Q train
Guy ribbing friend in yellow, cropped pants: Hey, Banana pants!
Banana pants: I put a banana in your mother!
–Manhattan-bound 7 train, Queensboro Plaza
Overheard by: Katrink
Two-year-old boy: Mommy, I’m hungry.
Young mother: Okay honey, do you want some animal crackers when we get home?
Two-year-old boy: (sighs deeply) Okayyy, are they organic?
Young mother: Oh, of course they are! (hugs him reassuringly).
–Downtown E Train
Overheard by: Miki
20-something guy to friend: And then he died of a cocaine-induced overdose, while having sex with a prostitute.
Friend: That's awesome!
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Katie Compa
Girl: I love watching people on subways.
Guy: I know, right? I like making short poems 'bout them, too. (points discretely at JAP across subway car) “Slutty white girl looks around train. Adjusts boobs. Looks around again.”
–1 Train
Yuppie girlfriend: I can’t play this damn guitar!
Yuppie boyfriend: That’s okay. If you can’t play the guitar, you can always be a prostitute.
–A train
Overheard by: HC
Girl #1: So, I finally let him give me a massage, and it was totally gross.
Girl #2: Really? Like how?
Girl #1: You know, the usual. He went through the boner cycle, like, three times.
–A train
Overheard by: Dash Riprock
Manic tourist lady #1: Oh wow, the front of the train. I’ve never been in FRONT before. Look! Haha! No driver!
Manic tourist lady #2: No driver? Seriously? Excuse me, sir? Who’s driving this subway?
Local looks up from paper and looks around frantically.
Manic tourist #2: Wait, seriously? Oh my God, should we get off?
Manic tourist #1: Oh, calm down. He’s just joking. We can’t get off ’til Union Square.
Local: Ma’am, I swear to God that I’m not joking. Nobody’s driving this train. I’m just as terrified as you are.
Manic tourist #2: Oh, whatever. He’s one of those New York assholes we heard about. Ignore him.
–4 train, 59th St
Overheard by: got off too
Girl: What are you doing tonight?
Guy: I gotta help a buddy at his new house. We’re gonna get some beer and fix his basement steps.
Girl: You really think that’s a good idea, drinking and repairing stairs?
Guy: Nah, I’m just kidding. We’re actually installing a new toilet.
–7 train
Overheard by: Danielle
