Teenage girl #1: I'm bored.
Teenage girl #2: No, I will not have sex with you now.
–N Train
Overheard by: eri
Teenage girl #1: I'm bored.
Teenage girl #2: No, I will not have sex with you now.
–N Train
Overheard by: eri
Girl: I’m thinking of an animal that starts with a P.
Guy: Porcupine?
Girl: No. Wait, are those big smears of blood all over that subway map?
Guy: I think they’re paint.
Girl: They’re totally blood.
Guy: [looks harder] Yeah, you’re totally right… Penguin?
Girl: Nope!
–1 train
Overheard by: djlindee
Crazy guy: Pawns and shields. Pawns and shields and a meal ticket. That’s all kids are good for.
–L train
Overheard by: Thomas Byrd
Hipster #1: I can’t believe you went home with that fat NYU chick last night.
Hipster #2: Yeah, I was out-of-my-mind drunk. But I totally vindicated myself immediately after.
Hipster #1: Yeah?
Hipster #2: We must have woken up her hot blond suitemate when she screamed out “Oh my God, fuck me with your giant cock!”
Hipster #1: And how do you know?
Hipster #2: Because afterward, she passed out, and I went out to her living room to have a smoke, and her roommate came out in her PJs to join me for a smoke. Then I banged her on the couch.
Hipster #1: That’s awesome.
Hipster #2: Yeah. The funniest part was, I snuck back into her room when she was passed out and stole some condoms from her drawer.
Hipster #1: You’re a horrible person.
Hipster #2: I know.
–L train
Overheard by: Slappy McGee
Belligerent white woman: Could you get of the way?
Black teen: I be trying!
Belligerent white woman: You should speak gramatically correctly!
Smartass: “I be trying” isn’t ungrammatical. It’s standard usage in African-American vernacular English.
Belligerent white woman: Oh, what would you know?
Smartass: I have a Ph.D. in linguistics from MIT.
–A train
Conductor, on loudspeaker: Please note, you heard it here first: I’m watching the Super Bowl only for the commercials. The Giants are going to be so far ahead of… the other team… it’ll be a boring game. We gonna whoop them by at least 15, 20 points. But the commercials are going to be great!
–A train
Overheard by: love this conductor!
Blind hobo to no one: You know why black basketball players are better than white ones? Because Jesus was black, so they’re like Jesus!
–1 train
Black teen girl, to three teen boys: Super Bowl! Super bowl?! What the hell does that mean, ‘a Super Bowl’? Didn’t you ever think about how stupid that is?!
–F train, 4th Ave
Overheard by: Theresa
Eight-year-old boy: You can’t have a Cowboys game without the cheerleaders. There go half the male ticket holders.
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Guy who is clearly not Eli Manning: What do I do? My name is Eli Manning, and I play for the New York Giants.
–Upper West Side
Guy randomly wipes out on the sidewalk, flat on his stomach with arms stretched out in front of him. Everyone stares.
Nearby cop: Safe!
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: Bananaphone
NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here's Grand Central!
–Broadway & Waverly
Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn't sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don't even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?
–1 Train
Overheard by: amalthya
Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don't understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don't know where that is!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: queenofscots
Guy on cell: I don't get it–why go all the way to Ireland if you're not going to go see Stonehenge?
–Costco, Brooklyn
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?
–85th & 1st
Overheard by: Special K
Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to marry me and you hesitated. You hesitated!
–Grand Central Terminal
Acting professor: Act as if you're fascinated by what they're saying, while thinking about something else. That's what boys learn to do when they get married.
–NYU
Overheard by: Lisa
Man, advising another flirting with hot woman: You gotta go for it–unless she's married!
–2 Train
Five-year-old boy to another: Yeah, well… I'll let you marry my daughter!
–10th St & University
Overheard by: Ricky
Man to male friend: So basically, I took her to a gay bar on our wedding night.
–Central Park
Chick to guy: Are we *seriously* arguing about whether or not aunt Jemima would support gay marriage?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy #1: Damn, she was short!
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Damn, she was short!
Guy #2: Who?
Guy #1: That lady!
Guy #2: Oh, yeah! She was short!
–E Train
Little girl: Ew, sex, gross!
Mother: Sex isn’t gross. It’s natural and it can be a very beautiful thing.
Little girl: You wouldn’t say that if you heard what Eleanor told me.
–N train
Overheard by: Tom Brigham
