Nice Wednesday One-Liners Finish Last

30-something woman on cell: And then he says to me "you have a very nice placenta!"

–85th & 3rd

Overheard by: Whitney Simmons

Shoe shine guy to woman walking by: Nice boots! Nice hat! You sure got a lot of nice things, lady!

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: CreateEvity

NYU girl on cell: Ew! Emma? I can't believe a guy is interested in Emma! I know she's nice, but that's just gross. I really just cannot believe anyone could possibly be attracted to her! She's so ugly!

–Washington Square Park

Enthusiastic Jewish lady in jury room: He's very nice! He's very nice! He's going to be a *happy* archbishop!

–Centre St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Three-year-old girl: Don't be sassy, mommy, daddy's being nice.

–Front St.

Overheard by: Aviva

Older black man to circle of friends: I'll bend her over a bench and stick it into her! You know–I'm a nice guy.

–Flatbush & Lincoln

Posted on July 29, 2009
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Wednesday One-Liners by Dr. Ruth

Woman to male companion: I told you about that guy I accidentally slept with, right?

–Bar at Sushi Samba, 7th Ave

Overheard by: David Russo

Girl to friend: Because it is more than just, sexual, you know? (pause) Well, actually, it's not, but…

–14th b/w 6th & 7th

Man to woman: You know Mesopotamian sex? That's me.

–Washington Square Park

Man walking dog on cell: My number one conquest since coming here was a 21-year-old Native American.

–27th & Broadway

Girl on cell: Mom, how am I supposed to have sex on a bed that has wheels?

–15th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Steve Hofstetter

Guy: So I fucked her on a bench, but I didn't finish, because I kept telling her about my girlfriend and how much I love her. So she got pissed of and took a taxi home to her parents.

–5th Ave

40-something man: Just tell that landlord that you don't need no electricity or no cable because you gonna be makin' love all the damn time!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: tracey

Posted on July 29, 2009
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I Guess I Just Wasn't Feeling Saucy!

Preppy fake blonde #1, coming out of gift shop: Well, you should have gotten the spaghetti!
Preppy fake blonde #2, coming out of gift shop: I didn't want the fucking spaghetti! And besides, my dad told me not to get the fucking spaghetti.
Preppy blonde #1: Wait a minute! Your dad said the f-word?
Preppy blonde #2: No! I just put that on for emphasis!
Preppy blonde #1: Well, that's false quoting!
(long pause)
Preppy blonde #2: That still doesn't explain why you didn't get the spaghetti.

–The Met

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on July 28, 2009
Advice, Food, Insults, Parents, Preppies, The Met, Wishes & desires

She'd Also Like Me to Be Straight, So Occasionally I Fuck Men with Really Small Penises

Young gay man: Once I have my one drug, which is how I get off, I go to my church club, which is where I have cocktails with Jesus.
Older female friend: Cocktails with Jesus?
Young gay man: My mother likes me to go to church… I make a compromise.

–L Train

Posted on July 28, 2009
Church, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Friends, Jesus, On the Subway, Parents, Queer guys, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

More Like a Subscript Two

Mom to little boy: Did you go number two?
Boy: I did! It was so little!

–Train, Grand Central

Overheard by: He has so little to get excited about.

Posted on July 25, 2009
Grand Central, Kids, Moms, Parents, Poop, Questions, Train Station, Trains Not Subway

…So I Yelled, “Shut the Fuck Up, Bitch!”

Teen girl to friend: So, she's banging on my door; banging and screaming and yelling…
Teen friend: Fo' real?
Teen girl: Yeah! So she's banging and screaming at me… I wanted to yell at her “Shut the fuck up!” but then I remembered that she was my mom.

–3 Train

Overheard by: Somsharp1

Posted on July 21, 2009
Family Ties, Friends, Insults, On the Subway, Parents, Teens, Wishes & desires

No More Late-Night Cinemax for You, Young Man.

Young woman: I heard this funny joke. A man comes home and his wife says “Your boss called and said that you were fired.” The man answers “Fuck him!”, and the woman says “I did, and now you have your job back.”
Woman's husband: I don't get it.
Eight-year-old son: C'mon dad, she made out with the boss!

–F Train

Posted on July 19, 2009
Couples, Dads, Families, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Sex

And a Whole Slew Of “Uncles”

Italian teen #1: Why don't we just wait in line like everyone else?
Italian teen #2: Cause we aren't like everybody else. We have fathers!

–W 3rd & Sullivan St

Overheard by: Ronnie

Posted on July 18, 2009
Italians, Parents, Questions, Stupidity, Teens, The Village

…Is That Why You Make Me Wear Dresses?

Woman, clearly winding up a long rant: …and that's why I don't need no fuckin' man in my life!
Toddler son: Mmmmmhmm, mommy.

–Fort Greene, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Katie Naum

Posted on July 17, 2009
Babies, Insults, Kids, Moms, Parents, Relationships

A Piñata Full Of Wednesday One-Liners

Eight-year-old boy, matter-of-factly, to dorky dad: Mexican people like to put animals on their shoulders.

–108 St & Broadway

Black guy to white woman: Anyway, it turns out–and this is really weird–in Texas, they hate Mexicans as much as they hate African Americans!

–17th St & 8th Ave

Man to another: I just want to be gang-raped by a group of Latinos.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Mike

Exasperated woman to friend: And this is why I don't interfere when it comes to Mexicans!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Green Star

10-year-old to friend: You have the same name as a short, fat Mexican boy!

–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick

Latino gay to white gay: You have good genes, you just don't have the Latino gene that makes your face moisturize naturally. I'm like the Dick Clark of faggotry!

–12th & 1st

Overheard by: H-Bomb

Teen to friend: Make sure that you're in Guatemalan mode.

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jeremy

Posted on July 15, 2009
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Parents