Ethan Hawke: Man, everybody’s fat.
–Employees Only, Hudson St
Overheard by: molly
Guy on cell: But you’re not fat in America!
–Ozzie’s Coffee III, 5th Ave, Park Slope
Ethan Hawke: Man, everybody’s fat.
–Employees Only, Hudson St
Overheard by: molly
Guy on cell: But you’re not fat in America!
–Ozzie’s Coffee III, 5th Ave, Park Slope
Old lady: Excuse me, are you a half Hindu?
Desi girl: No, I’m a full Hindu.
Old lady: Well, I just love Krishna.
Desi girl: Who’s Krishna?
–Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Short man: So, my therapist told me to take off my clothes and look into the mirror.
Tall woman: Why?
Short man: To confront my inner midget.
Tall woman: Your inner what?
Short man: Midget.
Tall woman: Don’t you think that’s potentially offensive to midgets?
Short man: Why? Some people are paranoid, some are neurotic, some are short.
–Tea Lounge, 7th Ave & 10th St, Park Slope
Park Slope mom #1: I'm going to be honest. We have night birds near my house.
Park Slope mom #2: Oh my god! Us too! I tried to report it!
Park Slope mom #1: Why are these birds chirping at night? Don't they need to sleep?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Thug on cell, after helping an old women with a walker out of the doorway: Yeah, man, you know me. Slashing tires and rapin’ women, that’s what I’m all about.
–Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: InnocentlyEvil
Guy: I love you, you know that?
Girlfriend: Fuck you. I know you fucked my sister. It's over.
Guy: But I love you!
(girl slaps him and walks away)
Guy, to barista: I probably deserved that.
Barista: Fuck you.
–Gorilla Coffee, Park Slope
Dumb tourist: Excuse me, am I heading toward the Empire State Building?
New Yorker: No, you're in Brooklyn!
Dumb tourist: So… Does that mean I'm really far off?
–Park Slope
CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies.
–Hallway, CCNY
Overheard by: ladyliver
Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on.
–1250 Broadway
Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed…
–Smoke Shop, Park Slope
Overheard by: Kiri
Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy.
–Good Stuff Diner, 14th St
Overheard by: Kosi
Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Sarah
History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental.
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Young woman to another: But do you know how big a horse dick is?
–5th Ave & Carroll, Park Slope
Girl: I'm really tired. I'm, like, an animal activist right now.
–Parking Lot, Broadway Mall
Overheard by: Lysa
Student: I'm not that sensitive. I can watch those videos where they like, torture the animal or whatever, and then I'll go eat it.
–Cardozo Law School
Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Panda?
–NYU Dining Hall
Columbia girl: I'd never have asked if I knew he was the one who'd killed it. But I didn't suspect him. Who'd spend their time strangling a gerbil?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Who'd have thought?
Guido to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog.
–Penn Station
Lady on speaker: If you have an animal, please do not put it through the X-ray.
–LaGuardia Airport
Customer: Look, see, there’s two scratches right there.
Optician: Those two? OK, now you’re being picky.
Customer: Picky?! I’m sorry that I set my expectations above your ability to provide me with scratch-resistant lenses without scratches in them.
–Eyes on the Slope, Park Slope
Overheard by: Hmm..maybe Lens Crafters
