Fat lady: Do you understand English?
Guy: I do and you sound like an asshole.
–7 train
Fat lady: Do you understand English?
Guy: I do and you sound like an asshole.
–7 train
Preppy guy #1: I hate geese shit on fields.
Preppy guy #2: It’s not so bad. It’s a good lubricant for when you slide-tackle people. You know, you just keep sliding…
Preppy guy #3: Dude, I can’t remember the last time I jerked off using geese shit. It can’t be that good a lubricant!
–Central Park
Woman, talking about the Italian feast in Williamsburg: And they have games and rides and food. And at the end of the week they get strong men together to carry the statue.
Tourist: The Statue of Liberty?
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: just the driver
Girl: Man, this old dyke is digging on me, but I want some penis
these days.
–3rd between B & C
Guy: Man, old pussy is the best! She has 50 years of dick sucking experience.
–124th & Manhattan
Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer
Queer on cell: Ever since I lost my hair I’ve had 20 year olds chasing me around like I’m an ice cream cone.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Squatporpoise
Girl: Oh yeah, that guy you saw me with Sunday? He lets me watch him have sex with boys.
–NYU School of social work
Overheard by: Maggie
Guy: I’m so horny, I would fuck a mule…but only if it gave me head first.
–7 train
Overheard by: Ron Jackson
Thug #1: Kelly Bundy’s dancing on Broadway.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: She broke both her legs. I think she in a wheelchair.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: I bet she dance good. She hot.
Thug #2: I’d break her clit if I had the chance.
–F train
Girl: If I hear another show tune out of context I think I’m going to vomit. Physically vomit. You know that feeling?
Guy: Uh, no.
–42nd between 9th & 10th
Hipster: Man, it’s like…SoHo’s becoming the next Williamsburg.
–SoHo
Girl: Can you press 8, please?
The guy does so. The doors open to let him off on the 3rd floor, and the scent of hannukah latkes fills the elevator.
Girl: Smells like Judaism here.
–Elevator, Columbus between 95th & 96th
Overheard by: Jayson Littman
Old Man: They have salads here. Next time we should just come early and eat here.
Old Lady: Okay, we could try that next time.
Old Man: They have Caesar salads, and cobb salads, and pasta salads–
Old Lady: That sounds good. We’ll try it next time.
Old Man: –they have California salads, and tuna salads, and–
Old Lady: Okay, Harvey! We’ll eat here next time!
Old Man: …they have sandwiches, too.
–Avery Fischer Hall
Overheard by: Heather
Old lady #1: So I think maybe that’s the problem with New Yorkers.
Old lady #2: No decaf?
Old lady #1: Yep, no decaf. That’s the problem.
–Starbucks, 102nd & Broadway
