Wednesday One-Liners Suit Up

Suit on cell: I expected pus, but it’s got little black specks in it.

–Pelham Bay Park, the Bronx

Overheard by: HelenA.Handbasket

Suit: When I said “fairy tale” I meant like Mother Goose–not Miss Dirty Martini!

–F train

Overheard by: braincurve

Suit #1 to suit #2: Oh sure, I’ve got a source. I can get you a kidney, no problem.

–Madison Square Park

Female suit on cell: I don’t think you’re hearing what I’m saying. I think you’re in a very nagging place right now.

–Duane & Broadway

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Middle-Aged suit: Boobies boobies boobies. Boobies boobies boobies…

–41st & 8th

Suit on cell: So there’s gonna be total chaos on September 14th, but that’s all we have planned so far.

–Church St

Overheard by: Dara

Suit: My goal in life is to one day sue someone.

–A train

Overheard by: LSB

Posted on February 13, 2016
Body Parts, Kink, Lawyers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, People, Places, Private Parts, Rack, Relationships, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Suits, The Bronx, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

The dirtiest song ever

Female Hipster, singing: Boom boom boom, let’s go back to my room…
Male Hipster: I remember when that song came out–that was the dirtiest song imaginable!

— Lolita

Posted on February 10, 2016
Bars & Clubs, Hipsters, Lower East Side, Manhattan, Music, People, Places, Pop Culture, Topics, Venues

Making the Worst Kind of Deposit

A trader is on his cell while on the toilet.

Trader: Is there a time-frame here?

Through the stall is heard the response.

Trader #2: If you see sudden movements, we’ll know it’s time.

–Trading floor bathroom, Park Avenue Plaza

Overheard by: Aaron H.

Posted on January 28, 2016
Buildings, Business and Commerce, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, People, Places, Stall Spies, Suits, Venues

Drunk, Or Still Emerging from the Anesthesia?

Conductor: May I see your ticket, please?
Drunk tranny: I already showed my ticket.
Conductor: Yes, but you haven’t showed it to me.
Drunk tranny: What the fuck? I already showed my damn ticket.
Conductor: OK, calm down. Just show me your ticket, please… I’ll come back for it to give you a minute to find it.
Drunk tranny: You are probably a leather queen. I pay $16,000 for a cunt and this is the disrespect I get. I am fucking changing cars.

–Long Beach bound LIRR

Posted on January 13, 2016
Anger Management, Body Parts, Conductors, Drinking & Drunk People, Etiquette, Kink, Money & Class, People, Places, Plastic Surgery, Private Parts, Sex, Topics, Trains Not Subway, Trannies, Vagina

Wednesday One-Liners Still Can’t Get Over Joey Picking Pacey (That Dumb Bitch)

Girl on cell: We got Chinese cable because it was cheaper than the cheap cable…Yeah, it’s all in Chinese…Whatever. As long as I watch things that I’ve already seen, I don’t need to actually know what they’re saying.

–N train, Astoria

Queer, on cell: Have you seen Victoria’s boyfriend lately? He looks great. She’s better than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

–Eckerd, Astoria

Mother, to kids: Sorry we just missed the fireworks, guys. It’s okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.

–79th St entrance, FDR

Tourist, after eagerly struggling for camera air-time: You know what, Ma, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to watch this — it only airs today.

–Taping of the Today Show, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Stephen and Allison

Girl: Well, today they had a woman who was born a man who married a man who was born a woman, so don’t shit on Maury Povich!

–New York Public Library

Overheard by: Actually READING at the Library

Guy: Sweet Sixteen? That show makes me understand terrorism.

–114th & Broadway

Posted on January 4, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Celebrities, D-List, Fashion, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Language Barrier, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, People, Places, Pop Culture, Queens, Queers, Terrorism, Topics, Tourists, Trannies, TV, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Give Backhanded Compliments

Guy, to girl: Smart girls are never pretty. That’s why you’re a dumbass.

–Union Turnpike station platform

Overheard by: Erna

Hobo: Ain’t no good here, only cheap. Cheap, cheap, and very cheap. And very beautiful.

–L train, Bedford Ave station

Posted on January 3, 2016
Beauty, Brooklyn, Girls, Guys, Hobos, On the Subway, People, Places, Topics

He Was a Very Foolhardy Investor

Hobo: Spare some change?…Why are you so selfish?
Man: Why are you so poor?

–West 4th Street & 6th Avenue

Overheard by: David B.

Posted on December 4, 2015
Hobos, Manhattan, Men, Money & Class, People, Places, The Village

Assholes Kind of Speak a Universal Language

Fat lady: Do you understand English?
Guy: I do and you sound like an asshole.

–7 train

Posted on November 14, 2015
Fat People, Guys, Language Barrier, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Subway, People, Places, Stupidity, Women

He’ll Be Happy to Share Some WD-40 Memories with You, Though

Preppy guy #1: I hate geese shit on fields.
Preppy guy #2: It’s not so bad. It’s a good lubricant for when you slide-tackle people. You know, you just keep sliding…
Preppy guy #3: Dude, I can’t remember the last time I jerked off using geese shit. It can’t be that good a lubricant!

–Central Park

Posted on November 5, 2015
Animals & Nature, Central Park, Manhattan, Masturbation, People, Places, Poop, Preppies, Sex, Sports, Topics

Which, Luckily, is Self-Propelled, as Seen in Ghostbusters 2

Woman, talking about the Italian feast in Williamsburg: And they have games and rides and food. And at the end of the week they get strong men together to carry the statue.
Tourist: The Statue of Liberty?

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: just the driver

Posted on August 27, 2015
Brooklyn, Ethnic Food, Food, Parades & Festitivites, People, Places, Statue of Liberty, Topics, Tourists, Williamsburg, Women

Places