Wednesday One-Liners– Now in Small, Regular and Porn Star

20-something girl: And then they had another raffle and I won another 30 minutes of free porn and a vibrator.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: eSong

Man, talking to himself in the park: I don't discriminate against women. Women discriminate against me. Why? Because they have all different kinds of dildos.

–City Hall Park

Salesman, shouting to man with girlfriend: Have you been neglecting your butthole lately? I'm selling some nice greasy vibrators here!

–34th St

Overheard by: Jessica

30-something balding man on cell: Dildo and show…

–14th & 3rd

Woman to friends posing for picture: 1…2…3…say: "sex toys!"

–West Village

Mythology professor: Ares was a bit stupid, so Aphrodite was pretty much the brains of that operation. For her, he was basically just a living dildo.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on May 13, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Free stuff!, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Hunter, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pictures, Porn, Questions, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Remember That Time You Quoted Byron While We Were Drinking Those Giant Margaritas?

Girl #1: …like that time we saw Zack and Miri make a porno.
Girl #2: That was pretty deep.
Girl #1: But not as deep as Cancun.
Girl #2: True, true.

–Times Square

Posted on March 31, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Porn, Times Square

Here's Ray-J to Explain

Rapper dude: That's Rugged N Raw.
Girl outside: Ew! I don't watch porn!
Rapper dude: No, Rugged N Raw. He's an emcee.
Girl outside: What's the difference?

–The Pyramid Night Club

Posted on March 9, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Music, Porn

For the Last Time, That's Not What the Men's Restroom Is

Flamboyant black man #1: I just want to grab some guy and go make out in the porn room.
Flamboyant black man #2: You mean the pool room?
Flamboyant black man #1: No, the porn room…come here!

–Pop Burger, 9th Ave

Overheard by: j

Posted on February 22, 2009
Backdoor, Black People, Gays and Lesbians, Porn, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness, Words

The Size of Their Instruments

Barista: Weren't you showing me some German porn just a little earlier?
Patron: It was not porn! It was a music video! With…lots of naked German men in it.
Barista: And the difference is what, exactly?

–Starbucks Near Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Kosi

Posted on November 22, 2008
Baristas, Bosses, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Music, Nudity, Porn, Questions, Starbucks

He Can't Afford His Own Apartment?

Girl: So, I found out something about my roommate.
Guy #1: Oh yeah? What?
Girl: Turns out my roommate's a porn star.
Guy #1: Wait, wait, is your roommate a guy or a girl?
Girl: It's a guy.
Guy #2: Stop!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: derwin

Posted on November 2, 2008
Film, Girls, Guys, Porn, Union Square and East Village

Debbie Does Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: No, mom, I'm not going to flag submissive at a fucking porn convention, pardon my French.

–170th St & Audubon Ave

Blonde to male companion getting off train: Good luck beating those kiddie porn charges!

–N Train

Overheard by: Marin M.

Straight-laced businessman on phone: It's because you won't stop downloading all that porn! If you quit, the popups won't come back.

–Ditmars & 37th, Astoria

Guy: They confuse me for a porn star; no, they don't confuse me with a porn star, they just think I'm a porn star because of my name!

–NYU

Tall thin statuesque black girl looking intently into white guy's eyes: Do you want an open relationship or just want to do porn?

–Midtown

Overheard by: toughchoice

Posted on October 15, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Astoria, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Internet, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Porn, Questions, Relationships, Suits

Wednesday One-Liners, Capisce?

Guido: I once kept a clove of garlic in my mouth for a whole week.

–18th & 5th

Overheard by: Alistar Spencer

20-something to Guido friend: Dude, it's not my fault you look like a child molester.

–Meatpacking District

Overheard by: Sam

Guido with gelled hair to Guidette, as it starts to rain: I made $500 off this haircut, I am not getting it wet and ruined! No!

–Union Square

Guido on 'roids, to his three Guido friends: Yo, it don't matter if you fucked 5,000 girls! You suck a cock once, you a cock-sucker fo' life!

–Spumoni Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: POLA

Guido to another: Boy, breakdancing when you're high is impossible.

–Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: baby g

Guido on cell: I have an extra queen-sized mattress at my place. I'll set up my camera, you'll come over with Sarah and fuck on it, and we can sell it as a porno afterwards. I don't see why this is so hard.

–St. Mark's & Ave. A

Posted on October 15, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Friends, Guidos, Hair, Home, Sweet Home, Malls, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Porn, Queens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Might We Recommend I Am Curious (Bonobo)?

Tween boy #1: Did you see her monkey?
Tween boy #2: She has a monkey?
Tween boy #1: The monkey in her pants, tard.
Tween boy #2: She has a monkey in her pants?
Tween boy #1: You need to watch more porn.
Tween boy #2: Porn with monkeys? My brother is right, I'm not ready for any of this.

–D Train

Overheard by: BobK

Posted on September 28, 2008
Boys, Default, Innuendo, On the Subway, Porn, Questions, Sexuality, Stupidity, Tweens, Words

Kinda Like Birthing a Calf

Bearded guy: So I was looking at porn the other day and saw this chick getting fisted and it reminded me of you.
Blonde girl: Oh yeah. Was it anal?
Bearded guy (fist pumping against other hand): Oh, it was full on.

–LIRR

Overheard by: well…was it?

Posted on September 20, 2008
Backdoor, Default, Girls, Guys, Hand-Jobs, Long Island, Porn, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness