Really gay guy: So you know how there's nothing on on tv in the summer? I started watching the gayest tv show ever.
Really gay friend: Yeah? Like what?
Really gay guy, conspiratorially: Star Trek: Voyager.
–Kashkaval, 55th & 9th
Overheard by: office peon
Frat guy #1: I’m totally into gay guys right now.
Frat guy #2: You’re into gay guys?
Frat guy #1: No, man, not like that. Like, I really respect gay guys right now.
Frat guy #2: Why?
Frat guy #1: I just really think it’s cool how they do what they do.
–Barnes and Noble
Overheard by: Molly
Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!
–Washington Square Park
Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!
–Naked Lunch, Tribeca
Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!
–E Train
Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot…
–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village
Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day
Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then.
–W 123rd & 8th Ave
Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.
–Staten Island
Postal worker to another: Oh, no, don't worry. You do what you want. It is impossible for them to fire you, girl.
–Tompkins Square Park
Mr. Big, sarcastically on cell: Is there anything else that I can do for you, honey, while I'm out making a living?
–First Class Cabin, American Airlines
Overheard by: Frequent Flyer
Scruffy drunk hipster guy to frumpy drunk hipster girl: That's how girls touch me… at work.
–Cobble Hill Brooklyn
Guy on cell: I really need to give up drugs cause, like, no one will hire me. I'm gonna wait a few weeks and try to get a job at Food Emporium.
–Astor Place
20-something girl to another: See, the thing with sweatshops is, at least they have jobs.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: arielle
Well-dressed gay man to another: Doesn't she know the best part of her job is going through the OfficeMax catalogue to order matching office supplies? That should be the highlight of anyone's day!
–E Train
Overheard by: lk
Queer #1: He wasn’t that bad!
Queer #2: Honey, he was a T-R-O-double-L troll, okay?! An under the bridge-living, billy goat-eating mon-stuh!
Queer #1: Hahahahaha!
Queer #3: That was pretty harsh.
Queer #2: You’re new here. I can tell.
–Outside Splash Bar, 17th St
Girl #1: I’d totally teabag him! Wait, what’s the female equivalent of teabag?
Girls #2 & #3: Hmmm…
Queer #1: I dunno — what do you call it when someone dangles lunch meat in your face?
Queer #2: Roast beef curtains?
Girls: Ewww!
Queer #1: No, no, wait! It’s a cold cut swipe!
Everyone: Ewww!
–JFK
Overheard by: K to tha B
Queer on cell: Okay, but I’m taking the turkey with me when I leave, ’cause I’m bored.
–50th & 8th
Overheard by: amelia
Queer: I’ve become a statistic these days… I smoke a cigarette, drink my latte, talk on the phone, and drive all at the same time. What? Oh, yeah, and the occasional hand job, you’re right, I forgot…
–Chelsea Cafe
Overheard by: TJ
Queer on cell: … And then she called me and asked for advice on starving herself.
–Fung Wah Bus
Overheard by: nina
Queer: How can he still be dating her? She’s bearded! We told her she has a beard, and she didn’t do anything about it! That’s like someone telling me I have a goiter and not doing anything about it.
–116th & Broadway
Guy on cell: That’s what I love about being a gay man. I don’t wanna hear your shit, I don’t wanna hear your life story, just put your cock in my mouth.
–7th Ave & 26th St
Overheard by: Raze One
Drunk girl: So I wouldn't ask you this if I were sober, but I just have to ask. When you…yunno…are you generally the…penetree, or the…penetrant?
Gay guy: Uhm, you mean, the penetrated or the penetrator?
Drunk girl, laughing: Oh, right. Well. Damn. I mean, gay sex is supposed to be better in France, right?
–Kittichai Restaurant
Overheard by: Brandy
Girl #1: Did you like it?
Girl #2: Yeah. It was amazing.
Girl #1: What about Eric?
Girl #2: He wants to become a gay cowboy now.
–Mary Ann’s Restaurant, 2nd Avenue & 5th Street
Overheard by: Overly Attentive Diner
Queer #1: Diversity is the spice of life. If everyone was like us, it would be so masturbating and boring–
Queer #2: Like us? Are you kidding? It would be fantastic!
–112th & Broadway
