Gay #1: Have you ever seen Road Trip?
Gay #2: What?
Gay #1: Road Trip. Have you see it?
Gay #2: Yes.
Gay #1: I wanna dance like that.
–LaGuardia
Gay #1: Have you ever seen Road Trip?
Gay #2: What?
Gay #1: Road Trip. Have you see it?
Gay #2: Yes.
Gay #1: I wanna dance like that.
–LaGuardia
Girl to guy: And I was like, "He bleaches his asshole, what does he know about anatomy?"
–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Seven-year-old girl to boy throwing mud at her: Watch it, Jakob! I wore eyeliner today!
–Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn
Very large woman on cell: It's called "Brazilian wax job." You only have to do it like every two weeks. Yep, it itches for a day or two, but it's worth every penny.
–PATH
Overheard by: Corey
Young lady with long curly hair to girlfriend: So, I started drying my hair with paper towels recently.
–Montague St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE!
Outraged feminine gay guy to another: He's having his lips redone… again!
–8th Ave & 20th St, Chelsea
Overheard by: Evan
Woman on cell: Girl, I don't understand why you gotta put on all that makeup just to go for a colonic!
–Washington Heights
Queer to friend: Never again! If I ever have to do that again, I’ll stab myself in the face! (turns to Asian lady on escalator behind him) Hi! Don’t kill yourself!
Asian lady: I probably should…
–Penn Station
Crying queer: I just wasted my time and his for five years.
Consoling friend: Don’t have a negative attitude. Never look at a relationship like that. Every relationship, no matter how bad, adds to your life. I feel that with every relationship you always walk away with something. [Queer rolls eyes.] How about all that jewelry?!
–Kittichai Thompson Hotel
Overheard by: Never walked away with anything
Chick: So, Jerry Springer was in my office today, and I overheard him telling the guy he was talking to on the phone that I was attractive.
Queer: Wow. I hate you. In the best way possible. I hate you.
Chick: Why? Because he’s my new boyfriend?
Queer: Because one of the coolest sketchy famous people in the world called you attractive in a remarkably sketchy way. If I ever have to talk you off a self-esteem ledge again, I’m tagging out and killing myself.
–46th & 6th
Overheard by: Gays and their Hags, on the next Springer!
Professor: Do you guys watch American Idol? It's painful.
–Lehman College
Film student #1: It's kind of like Cloverfield meets The L Word.
–Waverly Place & Broadway
Valley girl wearing UGGs, pointing to Guggenheim: Oh! I think this is the building where Blair and Serena live!
–Outside of Guggenheim
Really effeminate 40-something man: I always pick up when he calls, and he was so mad I didn't this time… but I couldn't, because I was still in mourning over American Idol!
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Melissa
Queer to female friend: I was watchin' Oprah the other day. Oprah is legit! She had Christina Applegate on. You know, that girl from Married with Children and she was talkin' 'bout her breasts. She got breast cancer and they took both of them off! She had on of them lumpectomies.
–J Train
Guy: That's the new American dream–fuck up your life so much that you get your own tv show.
–Fundraising Walk, Battery Park
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Obviously gay guy: But I'm not gay.
Slightly less gay friend: Yes you are.
Obviously gay guy: No, it's not about the male genitalia. It's about finding someone who fits me like a puzzle piece.
Slightly less gay friend: Who just happens to have a penis.
Obviously gay guy: Yeah.
Slightly less gay friend: Mmm-hmm.
–Roxy, Times Square
Overheard by: Token
Gay guy with fohawk: I was so drunk I had to leave. I was so afraid something was going to happen and I was going to wake up and be like, “shit! I fucked a girl!”
Girl: Damn!
–FIT
Girl #1: For our next trip, my parents want to go on a cruise to Alaska.
Girl #2: Oh my god, no! Haven’t you seen the Titanic?
Girl #1: I know, right? Plus, it’s cold. I mean look at March of the Penguins. They die there.
–F train
Queer: So some stranger just approached me and asked me to fuck her and her husband on Staten Island…Wait, it was Ellis Island. Yeah, she wanted me to fuck with the Statue of Liberty.
Hag: Oh, that’s too bad. Staten Island is nice.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Tina L.
Hell's kitchen gay #1: Is it too weird that my boyfriend and I dated the same guy?
Hell's kitchen gay #2: Uhh…
Hell's kitchen gay #1: Well, I broke up with Jake, and then Jake broke up with Travis, and then Travis and I got together.
Hell's kitchen gay #2: Well at least you were all broken up first.
–53rd & 8th
