Duly Noted

Large black guy: ' Scuse me, do you know David Jensen?
Attractive gay guy: Nope, sorry.
Large black guy: Oh, man, cuz you look just like him, have you ever been on tv? Friends?
Attractive gay guy: Nope.
Large black guy: What about Baywatch?
Attractive gay guy: Nope, sorry, pretty sure the last episode of Baywatch aired when I was eleven.
Large black guy: You must get all sorts of shorties, right?
Attractive gay guy: Ha! Well, maybe if I wasn't gay.
Large black guy: Oh, man! I'm gonna have David text you, look out for his number.
Attractive gay guy: Uhhh, sure thing.
Large black guy, one stop later, as they're both getting off the train: Yo, just so you know, ain't nothing like pussy.

–7 Train

Posted on May 6, 2010
Age/Aging, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Queer guys, TV, Vagina

Wednesday One-Liners' Meters Are Running

Girl to boy: You're just upset that I kicked you out without shoes, and I didn't give you cab fare.

–Black Bear Lodge, 3rd Ave

Guy, after cab splashed water on him: That cab just jizzed on me!

–Broadway & Eagerly

Waspy queer on cell: No, no, take the subway. Just for the experience. Don't take a cab. Cabs are for spoiled people.

–M23 bus

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl, yelling into window of off-duty taxi: Fine! We're waiting for the cash cab anyway!

–3rd & Sullivan

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on April 28, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Bus, Cum, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hotels, Kick, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Shoes, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

Hey, at Least I Know His Name

Flamboyantly gay guy: So, did you decide whom you like better?
Girl: No. They're both so smart and funny and nice. I mean, you met Jim*, right? What did you think? He's cool, right?
Flamboyantly gay guy: He's definitely cool.
Girl, sighing: But so is Tom*! I don't know. But I do have to choose 'cause Tom is putting pressure on me.
Flamboyantly gay guy: Just answer this one question and you'll have the matter settled–whose dick is better?
Girl, shocked at first, but then earnestly: Oh, well… I've only seen Jim's.
Flamboyantly gay guy: You slept with Jim already?! Slut!

–Starbucks, Columbus Circle

Posted on April 22, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Insults, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality, Starbucks, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Give a Cluck

Extremely tall black woman watching video excerpt of porn star Marilyn Chambers "self pleasuring": Huh, looks like she's cleaning out a chicken.

–Museum of Sex, 5th Ave

Very round and fat short woman on cell: Next time ya come down to Astoria bring me some ribs! (girlishly) Bring me some chicken or some ribs. (pause) Wellll, bring some tomorra! (pause) I'll be lickin' my fingas at 4:30 in the mornin'!

–N Train

Overheard by: I want some ribs too

Suit on cell: So, the chicken comes out of its cage, and then it picks your fortune!

–Baxter St & Walker St

Overheard by: Kristin

High school girl: I'm sorry, but I was really high, and the chicken was just sitting there in the fridge. I mean, would you think someone's a bad person who kills someone when they're drunk? (pause) Let's pretend I didn't say that.

–86 St

Lady on cell: They eat the same thing all the time. Every single day it's curried chicken, white rice, curried chicken, white rice. I just want a damn sushi burger!

–Downtown F Train

Gay guy dressed in black with painted red hair: So fuck it. I'm gonna make a fetish costume for a chicken!

–11st St & 3rd Ave

Posted on April 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Birds, Black People, Body Parts, Cleanliness, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Ethnic Food, Fat People, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Masturbation, Murder, Museums, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Porn, Queer guys, Street, Students, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Pretending They're Good Is Beyond Me

Queer #1: So, I was invited for vegan cupcakes tomorrow.
Queer #2: Ew!
Queer #1: I know. I don't want to have to get up that early for vegan cupcakes.

–Christopher St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on April 4, 2010
Celebrations/Parties, Queer guys, The Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wishes & desires

Our Cats Expect Us to Watch TV With Them

Blondette: I would go to Jake's party, but I would miss this new movie on Lifetime.
Gay friend: Girl, I completely understand.

–Union Square

Overheard by: I don't.

Posted on March 26, 2010
Celebrations/Parties, Girls, Queer guys, TV, Union Square and East Village

Could You Say That a Little Slower While I Take Notes?

Gay guy #1: I have to learn how to fuck someone.
Gay guy #2: You put your dick in and push. It's not that hard to figure out!

–53rd St & Broadway

Posted on March 21, 2010
Education, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Penis, Queer guys, Sex

Wednesday One-Liners Say “Merry Fuckmas, New York!”

Large group of people dressed like Santa: What do we want? Christmas! When do we want it? Now!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: TR

Gay guy on cell: You don't want to see white Christmas. Honey, you don't understand… That was the whitest Christmas I have ever seen.

–Broadway & 43rd

20-something woman to 20-something guy, in April: It wouldn't be Christmas without you.

–Stromboli's Pizza

Mom to child yelling at her: Who do you think you're talking to? That's it, Christmas is over for you!

–135th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Yowza

Normal-looking woman to no one in particular: Look at Santa. The same letters as "Satan." Do you think Christmas has anything to do with Jesus? Where in the Bible does it say Jesus was born on December 24th? I tell you, Santa is Satan.

–Xmas Tree Stand, High School

Staples employee, in response to radio: Man! I want to move to Vietnam, or Pakistan, or wherever the fuck they don't care about Christmas.

–Staples, Union Square

Overheard by: Damon H.

Man to friend during interval: Have you heard about the Scientology Christmas pageant?

–Carnegie Hall

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Celebrations/Parties, Clerks, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jesus, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Queer guys, Questions, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Satan, Store, Street, Stupidity, Theater, Time, Travel, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday Lindsay-Lohaners

Gay guy, angrily looking at woman eating sausages: And that is why I hate lesbians!

–Gay Pride Parade

Man on cell: I went to San Francisco last month to find me a lesbian girlfriend.

–Big Apple BBQ

Overheard by: skibs

Angry lady to another: Why would I have sex with another woman?

–Greenwich Village

Hobo on platform: Men… do not have sex with women! Any man who has sex with a woman should be arrested. Women do not like sex–women are all lesbians!

–7 Train

Crazy hobo to young girls on bench: You girls are a box full of lesbians!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Daphne

Posted on March 10, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Hobos, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality, The Village, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Cuticle Porn's Kind Of a Niche Market

Girl #1: Anyone want to get a manicure? James?
Gay friend: Ha ha!
Girl #2: My dad gets manicures.
Girl #1: So does mine.
Girl #2: My dad's in sales, so he has to have nice hands.
Girl #1: My dad works at home. In porn!

–3rd Ave & 14th St

Posted on February 23, 2010
Body Parts, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Laughter, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Physical appearance, Porn, Queer guys

Queer guys

Wednesday One-Liners Say “Merry Fuckmas, New York!”