Bitchy queen to young couple: Hey, are you guys kinky?
Tiny girlfriend, in ridiculously oversized fur: Excuse me?
Bitchy queen: I was just wondering if you knew how it felt to have an electric rod stuck up your ass.
–Lafayette Ave & E 4th
Bitchy queen to young couple: Hey, are you guys kinky?
Tiny girlfriend, in ridiculously oversized fur: Excuse me?
Bitchy queen: I was just wondering if you knew how it felt to have an electric rod stuck up your ass.
–Lafayette Ave & E 4th
Conductor: This Eighth Avenue-bound L train is now an express train to Eighth Avenue because a couple of you are idiots who thought holding the doors would get you where you’re going faster. I hope this teaches you all a lesson.
–Union Square
Conductor: Please do not hold the closing doors! [Fifteen seconds later] Fine, hold the doors! I’m already at work!
–4 train
Overheard by: On-Nee-Mall
Indian MTA employee: Please do not hold the doors… [Slightly agitated] Please do not hold the doors! [Very agitated] Are you so stupid! Only someone stupid would hold the doors!
–1 train
Conductor: Do you people realize that there are 30 doors on this train? Must you all do a conga line in front of one of them?! Don’t you need music for that?!
–96th St
Conductor: Stop holding the doors! You hold the doors open and the train doesn’t run smoothly! And this is the only train in the city that works!
–7 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Girl #1: Did you know that if you lick the wrapper of Big Red it'll stick to your forehead?
Girl #2: I learned about pineapple yesterday.
–Theater
Small girl, seeing drunken man reeling down the street: Daddy, what's wrong with that man?
Father: I think he's just drunk a bit too much beer.
Small girl: Hannah's daddy likes beer.
Father: Yes, but if you drink too much of it, it can make you fall down.
Small girl: We should tell him!
Father: I think he probably knows.
Small girl: He might not!
–Times Square
Whining teen girl: Why is the train so crowded this early in the morning?
Teen boy: I dunno.
Whining teen girl: Oh, I bet it's cuz Thursday is pay day. That must be it.
Teen boy: Yeah, that makes sense.
–L Train
Overheard by: Cindy Davis
Teenage girl: Do you want to come?
Teenage boy: I want to come in your mouth.
–Broadway & 14th St
Overheard by: casey
Headline by: Postteen
Runners-Up:
· “A Young Christina Aguilera Gets Inspired” – PeterR
· “I’m Saving That Honour For Edward Cullen” – wirrrn
· “Just Let Me Take My Retainer Out This Time” – tatts
· “Oh, You Just Got Uninvited” – Stephanie Goe
· “Today’s ESL Class: Resolving Ambiguity With Prepositional Phrases” – Rionn Fears Malechem
Man on cell: After I dropped Benny off at school I stopped by that harem.
–5th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Nerd
Old bald guy looking at Asian call girl section in newspaper, on cell, speaking very slowly and very loudly: Do… You… Take… Veee-saaaah. Veee-saaaah. Veeee-saaaaah! Yes! Visa! No? Okay, thanks. [Same exact dialogue takes place three more times.] Bingo!
–Milford Hotel
Overheard by: not an asian call girl
Guy: I’m a good Jewish son -I got 90% off on a hooker!
–Central Park
Guy on cell: Man, I love hookers. My friend just told me about Craig’s list. Shit, there’s like 5,000 hookers on Craig’s list. I love that shit.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: who knew?
Guido in leather jacket, to suit: So did anything ever happen with the whore?
–39th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Asian girl to friend: As long as I’m slutting myself out, I might as well get paid for it!
–22nd & 9th
Overheard by: Kate
Brooklyn grandmother to another: My grandson is so different now that he's become a woman.
–4 Train
Middle aged man in binoculars on cell: Yeah! And just like that she threw me out! She kicked me out on my ass! She walked in and I was in her bra… and that was it!
–87th & Columbus Ave
Overheard by: GoneWithThe
Small black guy: Of course I'm a transvestite! Why else do you think it took you three guys to beat me up?
–W 36th St
Overheard by: Ellen
Twink to others: Sometimes you think a little boy is a child and then he turns out to be a much older woman.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Urch
Attractive blonde: And then the… transvestite beauty queen thing happened. You know?
–Middagh & Henry
Overheard by: Matty
Drunk guy: Dude! Why are you crossing the street? You're gonna get yourself fuckin' killed!
Sober friend: It's a “walk” sign. And you're drunk.
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: Emma
Black guy #1: No son, you’re cousins by marriage. It’s not blood, so it’s like you not even related. That shit doesnt count, son.
Black guy #2: Oh, for reals? So I can fuck with her and shit?
–F train
Overheard by: pearlywhirly
