Wednesday See, One-Liner Do

Tourist teen: Scientology? Is that like that crazy Darwinism stuff where they think people are monkeys?

–TKTS

Guy: Well, 20 million years ago you were a monkey too!

–NYC Lab School

Overheard by: T

Teen to friend: So once the car is full of monkey poop, then you trade it in for another one.

–Chelsea

Hobo sitting in subway station: Woman ain't want no man in her bed…she want a monkey in her bed…ooohh ooh oh ahh ahhh ahhh. (makes monkey noises)

–E Train

Overheard by: Ja9

Comedy show hawker: You will all have autism when you're done with this show. And you'll be having sex like monkeys and bunnies.

–Times Square

Overheard by: fluffyautist

Little boy watching monkey, to father: I bet he wouldn't leave his kid at a Wal-Mart.

–Bronx Zoo

Posted on April 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Broadway Shows, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Friends, Guys, Handicaps, Hobos, Kids, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Poop, Questions, Religion, School, Science, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Teens, The Bronx, Time, Times Square, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Harry Wednesday and the Half-Blood One-Liner

Chick on cell: Look, there are only two people other than me who can construct a sentence that awesome: Severus Snape and Keith Olbermann, and one of them isn't even real!

–18th & 6th

Middle-aged man on cell: Hey man, guess what. I just saw Harry Potter's magic wand!

—Equus, Broadhurst Theatre

Overheard by: Kilfy

Chick on cell: Is he one of Voldemort's friends from high school?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Loud girl to friend: Because seriously, how many real redheads do we actually know? And Ron Weasley doesn't count!

–NYU

IT VP: This guy at work told me the ending to the last Harry Potter book before I read it. So I fired him.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Jason E

Posted on April 8, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Books & Writing, Bosses, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Friendship, Girls, Hair, Jobs & Careers, Magic, Men, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Store, Theater, Wednesday One-Liners

Except When We're Striking

Teamster #1: Don't you ever take a day off?
Teamster #2: Every day is a day off.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze

Posted on April 7, 2009
Columbia University, Conductors, Holidays, Jobs & Careers, Questions

Also the Original Answer To, “Sylvia, How Do You Call Your Lover Boy?”

Not ghetto black girl: How do you bag a girl?
Ghetto black boy: Come sit on my lap!

–Pete's Pizza, Ave M

Posted on April 7, 2009
Black People, Boys, Brooklyn, Girls, Hook Ups, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes

Unless Ben and Jerry Count

Extremely drunk guy: Hey, how ya doin'?
Sober woman: Fine, thanks. (pause) Hey, this is my stop…gotta go! (dashes off train)
Extremely drunk guy to extremely drunk friend, after a long pause: Hey, I coulda had her if I wanted. I coulda been like, “if this is your stop, then it's my stop too, baby, why dontcha come home with me?” But I don' want any company tonight. I wanna be all by myself…in my own place…in my own bed…all alone.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on April 6, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Guys, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Public Transportation, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Or Did It Call for Full-On ESPN?

Brunette: Have you ever had to be saved before?
Blonde: Nope, but when I was a lifeguard I had to save someone.
Brunette: Oh my god, did you have to give them RSVP?

–5 Train

Overheard by: Ami

Posted on April 6, 2009
Girls, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, Questions, Words

The Grammatical Correctness Capital Of America

Cashier: Wow, you speak really good English. Where are you from?
Hipster Asian dude: I'm from Tokyo and I've been taking classes since I was three so I'm really articulate and speak great English.
Cashier: Really?
Hipster Asian dude: Fuck no. I'm from Queens.

–Deer Park

Overheard by: Schmooty