Guy: Do you know how a penis works?
Chick: Yeah, but they are usually in my mouth.
–Houston St
Overheard by: HA
Guy: Do you know how a penis works?
Chick: Yeah, but they are usually in my mouth.
–Houston St
Overheard by: HA
Mom: First it will be spring, then summer, then time for you to go to kindergarten.
Four-year-old boy: Will there be nice kids there?
Mom: Are there nice kids at your day care now?
Four-year-old boy: Yeees…
Mom: You're the only bad kid at day care.
Four-year-old boy: I knooow!
–Uptown D Train
Homeless man to passengers: If you ever have any leftover food or drinks or whatnot, you can bring them to me at this address. (hands out business cards)
Suit: Umm… How'd you get the money to print out business cards?
Homeless man: Kiss my ass, give me that card back!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Christine
[Patrol car flashing lights at curb. Small group of high-schoolers corralled against wall]Police officer: So what happened –what did you see?
Sharp teen: No hablo inglés.
Officer, in perfect Spanish: Entonces, que pasó? Qué viste?
Smart teen: No hablo español!
–85th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Christopher Stone
Wanna-be preppy: Hey! Is that the newspaper?
Slacker: Yeah.
Wanna-be preppy: Let's have a look at it.
(slacker throws paper into locker and locks locker)
Wanna-be preppy: Aw, why did you do that?
Slacker: I can't let you see it. It's not mine.
Wanna-be preppy: Whose is it?
Slacker: My girlfriend's brother. He's really sensitive…
Wanna-be preppy: Really sensitive about the newspaper?
–Midtown
Overheard by: Kane
Girl on cell, looking for her friends: Can you see me? Look at the sun, I'm directly under it right now.
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Guy on cell: Yeah, we'll go now. Okay. Right now, I'm at 116 and Hamsterdam–Hamsterdam? What the fuck did I just say? Oh, wow, that is a disturbing mental image. Yeah, exactly. River full of hamsters. Okay, see ya.
–116th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: That would be truly terrifying.
Harlem woman on cell: Come find me! I'm on the downtown side of the street!
–East Side
Drunk guy on cell: Yo, I'm on the corner of fuckin' somethin' an somethin'.
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Drunk on cell: Where am I? Where am I? I'm at the corner of Charles Street and motherfucking I don't know!
–West Village
Woman to friends: Oh thank god! I feel so much safer now that we're at 7th Avenue.
–G Train
Aged hippie: Would you rather have a housewife on Prozac or a babysitter on acid? [Friend shrugs.] Well, I’d rather have a babysitter on acid!
–Central Park
Overheard by: MRA
Curious spectator: Are greyhounds easy to live with?
Greyhound owner: Honey, in the past forty years, I've had three husbands and only one breed of dog!
–Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show
Overheard by: Another Greyhound Lover
Foreign TA: I don't understand why they use the egg for Easter.
American TA: Oh, it doesn't really have anything to do with Easter, we just appropriated pagan rituals.
Foreign TA: I thought Easter is when Jesus was reborn.
American TA: It is.
Foreign TA: I thought maybe he was reborn out of an egg.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: MCLD
Man: We had him circumcised.
Woman: Circumcised?
Man: Yeah, whatever you do with dogs. You know…
Woman: Neutered?
Man: Isn't that the same thing?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Nettle
