Girl: You wanna know something really, really, really fucked up?
Guy: What? Having sex with people?
–Mercer & Greene
Overheard by: waphle
Girl: You wanna know something really, really, really fucked up?
Guy: What? Having sex with people?
–Mercer & Greene
Overheard by: waphle
Salon receptionist calling man in waiting room: David*, you can pre-pay now.
David: I am here for a touch-up. I don’t have to pay this time.
Salon receptionist: Oh, that’s right — what are you getting re-touched, again?
David: My buttocks… Y’know, my butt.
–7th Ave South & Greenwich Ave
Man on phone: I thought you were calling to tell me you’re getting married. That would have been terrible.
–45th & 8th
Overheard by: Lisa
Metromosexual on cell: Lady-fag and Rainblow Brite are getting married.
–Bedford & 5th, Brooklyn
Little Asian girl talking on toy cell: What? Tomorrow? Marry you?!
–Waiting room, Ft Greene Department of Health
Overheard by: nooners
Angry woman to loser husband: If you want this marriage to work, we need to move to Baltimore.
–Starbucks, 59th & Lex
Girl on cell: No, I don’t think sleeping with her again will help… Because, honestly, you shouldn’t be sleeping with anybody else… I mean, Jesus Christ, we are engaged!
–Starbucks, 23rd & 6th
Man to woman: So, he told you he wasn’t dating anybody, but he didn’t tell you he was married?
–11th & Broadway
Lady yuppie: I mean, at first I thought he was seriously psycho, but then I started to think, Maybe he’s just being creative…
–Outside NY Public Library
Overheard by: Miss_Rach
Black guy to himself: I’m not like the rest of you — I’m just an ordinary loon!
–52nd & 3rd
Overheard by: what?
Hobo: Does anybody have Amy Fisher’s phone number? I love crazy chicks!
–R train
Old woman to middle-aged woman: You have to walk on the crazy side of the street.
–2nd & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Lady to another, pointing at Borough Hall: Is that place a mental institution?
–Stuyvesant Pl, outside SI Borough Hall
Toddler in stroller: I… Want… Ball!
Young mother: Oh, like you’ve been good and now you deserve a ball? Are you kidding me?
–Duane Reade, 8th & Broadway
Professor: What’s the second largest profession in the U.S.?
Jersey dude: Prostitutes!
–NYU
Bimbette #1: So, like, for my essay I wrote about the Jew migration in the 19th century…
Bimbette #2: Oh my god, what Jew migration?! You mean, like, oh my god — like Moses leading them out of Egypt like in the Red Sea?!
–Oakland Gardens, Queens
Guy: Do you think you’d be able to take a dead fetus on a plane?
Girl: Maybe on a domestic flight.
–Barnard dorm
Overheard by: babs standigio
Dude #1: Hey, how do you say ‘brains’ in German?
Dude #2: I don’t know. Why?
Dude #1: I need it for that movie I’m making — ‘Nazi Zombies.’
–Barnes & Noble, 8th & 6th
Employee #1: So, if a nine-eleven happens, I need to stand across the park?
Employee #2: You gotta get away from tall buildings.
Employee #1: Hell, if a nine-eleven happens, I’m going to Long Island. Nobody cares about Long Island.
–Jamba Juice, 22nd & 5th
