Relationships

Chick on cell: I always end up dating people whose names aren’t actually their names.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman on cell: There’s this guy I think is really hot. He’s gained some weight and lost his hair… but in a graceful way. No, no, nothing like that. He’s really nice and he’s so smart… Well, he drinks a lot.

–Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: MHY

Woman to friend: 2006 was a terrible year, but 2007 is gonna be better… No men in my life! But there’s this man at my job, and I’m trying to stay away from him, but I just can’t. From the moment I saw him… Whew! One day he said to me, ‘Girl, put your hand in my pocket, I got some lunch money in there for you.’ And I did it, and… Whew! I said, ‘I know what that is… That’s no lunch money… Let me feel it again.’

–F train

Overheard by: liza

Man on cell: If I can’t get an American Jewish woman to go out with me… then there must be something wrong with American Jewish women!

–45th & 8th

Overheard by: Melanie

British chick to guy: I’m not breaking up with you in that sense…

–49th St, between 9th & 10th Ave

Overheard by: nyamelia

Hipster chick: … And I’m like, ‘I love you.’ And he’s like, ‘Get away from me.’ I think he’s just afraid of commitment.

–7th Ave

Overheard by: Regina Deorum

Woman to friends: Who needs a boyfriend when you’ve got a dog who farts?

–Max Brenner, Broadway, between 13th & 14th

Man: …and then she’s gon’ ask me, “How was church?” I’m like, get the fuck outta here. How many times have I asked her to go to Goddamn church with me? Every fuckin’ Sunday, I ask that bitch to go to Goddamn church with me. Never! Not once has she come with me, now she wants to ask me, “How was fuckin’ church?”.

–Sephora, 19th & 5th

Overheard by: yassira diggs

Mormon guy: So last time I was here, I was trying to get to Columbia, and I missed my stop and got off in Harlem. And I looked around and thought, “I can’t believe I’m the only white person here!” And sure enough, I was the only white person there. I mean, I was wearing a tie!

–flight into JFK

Woman: Oh boy, you are in trouble girl. Jesus says to come over here right now. Jesus says come over here now!

–Brooklyn Museum

Guy: So I really need your advice. My wife was driving on the LIE, and she had a vision from God telling her to sleep with this other guy, so she did. Well, I finally got her to move back in with me, but now she says I’m full of shit and everything I say is a lie. I really want to work this out with her, you know?

–Penn Station

God Squad guy: I love all y’all in the name of Jesus, ’cause I got Jesus! I’m blessed, you’re stressed. I’m anointed, you’re disappointed!

–4 train

Overheard by: saltylips

God Squad woman: Here come da Jesus, fire from his mouth!

–1st Avenue L station

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Girl: Jesus there’s like a restaurant every two feet here.

–46th between 8th & 9th

Man: …come to think about it, my grandfather was in charge of the marshmallow burning during Joan of Arc’s burning, so I guess it’s in my heritage!

–45th between 8th & 9th

Overheard by: Alex Venguer

Man #1: I swear, if she asks me if I love her one more time I’m going to punch her in the goddamn face. She’s driving me up a fucking wall!
Man #2: Maybe you should just break up with her.
Man #1: What, and be alone?

–On 66 West cross town

Bro #1: Dude, I don't know, every day this week she's been upset. Crying about something, then apologizing…
Bro #2: Solid. You guys should make kids.

–4 Train

Blond girl: So how are things with you and the boy?
Redheaded friend: I'm so happy I could shit a puppy!

–G Train

Overheard by: Rachel

Girl #1: Who were you on a date with last night?
Girl #2: My ex-boyfriend.
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: Yeah, we call it a date when we hang out so none of our friends will bother us or lecture us. Everyone always assumes we’re just having sex.
Girl #1: Wait, so didn’t you have sex?
Girl #2: Well, yeah, but we didn’t want to be bothered!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: i will not bother you

Seven-year-old boy to father: Did you know that when you get into middle school, all the girls care about is whether you're rich and have a cute ass? In elementary school, they only care about if you can run fast. If you run the fastest, you get all the girls.

–Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Tara

Small boy to teacher in increasingly panicky voice: Is this Narnia? We're not Narnians yet, right?!

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: Narnia @ NYU?

Five-year-old to three-year-old brother: Listen, we're going to have food all winter. It's hibernation. You know what hibernation is, don't you? Hibernation is when animals eat a lot of food and sleep all winter. We're gonna hibernate!

–M104 Bus

Overheard by: Samantha

Little kid: Grandma, smell this! It's Obsession for Men!

–Bergdorf Goodman

Sobbing five-year-old girl to mom in CD section: I wanna download, I don't wanna waste my money.

–Borders, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Can records labels sue toddlers?

Chick: I can’t believe you can talk about how much you love your country, and you don’t even pay taxes!
Dude: I’ve paid more taxes than you’ve sucked dick. Which is a lot.
Chick, after long pause: I don’t know why you’re walking so fast — nothing’s happening when we get to your apartment.

–4th St & the Bowery

Woman: I don’t know. I think I might wind up being single forever. I guess sometimes I think maybe I should have had children.
Chick: Well, you can have one of mine. If I have any, that is.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Kara

Woman #1: So, what you think about Duane?
Woman #2: Girl, he all up in my Kool-Aid and he don’t even know the flavah!

–Deli, Brooklyn

Overheard by: cloisterpunk