High school guy #1: Dude, you look so hot today!
High school guy #2: Seriously, dude?
High school guy #1: Yeah, man. If we were gay, I'd so do you!
High school guy #2: I thought the same thing about you.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Robert
High school guy #1: Dude, you look so hot today!
High school guy #2: Seriously, dude?
High school guy #1: Yeah, man. If we were gay, I'd so do you!
High school guy #2: I thought the same thing about you.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Robert
Boy: Man, this semester I'm going to fuck everyone. I'm gonna be a real man-whore.
Friends: Uh-huh.
Man leaving train: Someone should tell him it's hard to be a man-whore with his zipper down.
–F Train
Guard to elderly tourists at elevator to roof: Please swing the line around the corner.
Elderly tourist: Ve don't sving.
–Metropolitan Museum
Customer: I'd like a footlong meatball sub on wheat.
Manager: What would you like on your balls, sir?
–Subway Restaurant
Overheard by: Mondoman
Street performers to people leaving: Hey, we didn't leave when you got here!
Random passerby: I threatened them with sex!
–Washington Square
Overheard by: RAR!
Horny boy #1: Dude, when a girl asks for an ass massage she's totally asking for sex!
Horny boy #2: I know, man! I'd be pissed, too.
–Bleecker St
Clearly drunk college student: Dude, I need advice. If you meet this really hot girl that happens to have the same name as your mother, do you still do her?
Bouncer: Hell yeah. Why not? She's hot, right?
Clearly drunk college student: Ugh, I don't know. I don't want to think of my mom the whole time. I can't do it.
–Walker & Church
20-something dude with lame Bret Michaels bandana: Come on babe, let me walk you home. Actually, fuck it, come over and watch a movie with me, I got some beer.
Unattractive older blonde: Nah, can't, I've got work in the morning, and I'm already wasted.
20-something dude with lame Bret Michaels bandana: Aw, you know I'll get you up as early as you need to get to work on time. You know I will. Plus, I'm pretty drunk, but I'm your cousin, so you don't even have to worry that I'll try to stick my wiener in you!
Unattractive older blonde: Well, alright.
–Grassroots Tavern, East Village
Man on cell walking dog: What? But doesn't she know how big my Johnson is?
–Mott Street
Overheard by: Erica
20-something male, while passing sculpture of male nude: I don't get it. If you're going to make it with a dick, why make it so small?
–Time Warner Center
Overheard by: sd
Short Indian man, loudly into phone: All I wanna do is make love to you tonight… with my 11-inch cock!
–7th Ave & 35th St
Overheard by: Jenn B
Drunk guy, after fighting with girlfriend: How she gon' be mad at me 'cause I got a big dick?
–F Train
Girl holding orchid: Orchids are the thinking man's rose.
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: Samantha
Hipster girl to hipster guy: I'm telling you, these trees smell like semen.
–10th St b/w 1st & Ave A
Overheard by: Libby
Disheveled hobo to granola-looking lady with khaki shorts, matching hat, and three-foot braided ponytail: You goin' on a nature walk, baby? I'd like to take a hike with you and make sweet love beside a pine tree.
–89th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jesse Cromer
20-something hipster: He face-planted into my potted plant, and then later he pissed himself.
–Gowanus Yacht Club, Brooklyn
Overheard by: big bad don
